To loathe and despise hosting "playdates"??

[MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll]

I hate it. I hate the term "Playdate" but it's what everyone calls it now...I hate that my ordinarily well behaved DD (7) turns into a monster....I hate the squashed food I find in corners of the house afterwards...I hate the hysteical sqeualing and the way my 3 year old tries to join in (even though they naturally dont want her)

I hate the way I can't relax....I'm always wondering what they're up to....are they in my makeup? trashing the bedrom?

I am sitting here thinking about whether AIBU to never have another until they're old enough to mooch miserably in their bedrooms and only grunt when I speak to them.

YANBU At All!

They are the work of the devil!

I agree with you wicket, that's why after the no failing so often, playdates with unruly difficult children are now subject to the weather (so I can take the little monsters to the park until 15 minutes before the mum is due to collect them)

I have no problem in saying no to children and them obeying, but I recognise that saying no isn't always easy... ie.. DS has a friend (8 yr old) who would burst into tears and roll himself in a ball if he hears you telling, wait for it, the dogs off. Fortunately such sensitive flower is normally well behaved, so apart of having the phone ready to ring his very apprehensive mum to come and collect him when he loses a turn, disagrees with the other children or simply, because nobody have the faintest idea why he is doing crying under a table, things are fine

We just had one of the kids' friends round for tea. Never heard the term playdate used outside of mumsnet and desperate housewives. I had kids round because it entertained my kids, kept them happy and gave me some peace. The house is small enough that I can tell where they are and friends didn't come round until they were old enough not to venture into our bedroom. I found my kids having friends made life easier for me not harder. If I hated it I wouldn't have done it. After all they see kids all day at school and can play out with friends if the weather is good.
I never had any quarms about telling off any kid who was in my house and misbehaving. They generally played nicely if noisily, boys noisier than girls.
All food had to be eaten at the table, except biscuits or crisps. If I'd found squished food around the house they'd have been eating all food in the kitchen area

The last brat child left with the parting shot "at least my mum is nice" ......that would be after an hour of

no you cant down load virus laiden games on MY PC

no you cant jump on my bed

no you can't have 47 bags of crisps

no you cant trash go into eldest sons bedroom and bugger about with his xbox

do you have to shriek all the time?

its rude not to eat what is put in front of you and I don't give a toss care if you don't like spag bol, every child on Gods green earth eats spag bol

#I'm the adult, you are the child, don't question me

he wasn't even invited - he just arrived - still makes a change from him sitting on the pavement with a bag of chips because his mother has gone to work

Possibly from me that could be construed as narky sarky that contributed
~ An all singing all dancing spangled Xbox AND a PS3with knobs on for Christmas? my, aren't you spoilt?

Yabu, I love it and find it much easier having kids over than having mine whine about being bored with no friends round or nothing to do.

Having read this thread, I now understand or, at least, suspect that we're the weird ones for having no problem with having dd's friends over. Sadly, most of her friends have parents like the majority on here, ie not liking other kids coming round. We have no nearby family (except mad crazy fools of extreme weirdness) so have few options apart from dragging dd round with us. It would be great if she could go to a mate's house sometimes.

YANBU x 100!!!! I HAAAAAAAATE THEM!! They are the bane of my life, if I know they're happening it puts me in a foul mood for the whole day. I hate the mess, the whining the multiple bloody fall outs, the refereeing over toys, having to constantly reprimand them;

all my shoes being emptied out of my wardrobe and all over the floor
my bobbi brown/benefit make up smeared all over our bedroom carpet
being dictated to by a 5 year old about what they will and won't have for tea
having to physically move dds friend out of our en suite after telling her repeatedly she couldn't play there..
the friend of dds who pulls all the cupboards open and literally rips to shreds the contents...all my john lewis luxury xmas crackers last year I recall.

Also the friends of dds who want me to play with them, usually only children who have undivided adult attention at home and are constantly played with, hanging round me whining and pestering and not just going off and playing. There are only 2 children who I like having round, one who's 3 (dd is 5) who adores dd and is quite happy to be bossed and talked at by dd for 2 hours. Or her friend who'd older (nearly 7) who ignores dds stropiness and can boss her around for 2 hours which dd seems to accept and engages in similar big girl worship.

I'd be happy to host them if the child played nicely, didn't trash the house, answer me back and dictate or pester/whine/strop.

DD wouldn't dream of going near my make up or emptying my wardrobe or rip unopened boxes apart and she plays nicely on her own a lot of the time (or with ds who's 2). When her craply behaved friends are there though she turns into a monster. They have parents who are either too bloody soft, oblivious to their horrible behaviour or attend to their every whim at the drop of the hat so can't cope with me saying "no" applying limits or telling them to do one and play in the garden/other room and not hang round my legs whilst i'm in the kitchen/living room.

The OP described all the reasons why, with the exception of one family, who are friends to us all, I never have never done "playdates" (stupid term, it was called having friends over to play when I was a child). I'd have gone from "Do NOT stand on my sofas!" to rocket-up-offending-child's-arse within 20 seconds!

Pah! Sorry for typos.

"I have never done "playdates"... " is how that should have read.

so do you really hate your kids having their friends round - surely its your kids house too - am amazed by the attitude that ur kids having their friends in is automatically awful. I'm with poster above who said you say no, at that age you manage them - not that hard tbh

Perhaps you need to find ot why your daughter turns into a monster?

I used to love it at that age.

Left snacks & drinks on the table-children either outside or in daughter´s bedroom.

Bliss!

And the obligatory tidy just before friend was due to be collected.

"so do you really hate your kids having their friends round - surely its your kids house too"

Who's the question aimed at please, ll31? :)

no one in particular - anyone who seems to think ur kids having their friends into play is awful! I just dont get it

Hmm must admit that I'm not a fan, but do host the occasional one - hard to do more as I work not-quite-fulltime, and round here it's strictly reciprocal so if I never had anyone here then DD would never really be invited anywhere else, and it seems that it's important to 8 year old girls. Doesn't seem to have the same importance for boys, IME.

However some of the stuff on here is truly shocking! It's always been a rule here that when DC have friends over, the doors to the main and spare bedroom are kept closed (usuallythey're open) and I've never had a problem with kids going in there. Did once have a child go through the kitchen cupboards looking for 'something for her pud pud' (having refused the homemade cake, a range of yoghurts and loads of fruit options) - I did come over quite teachery at that point, but it was a while ago now and the same child still comes here and is now impeccably behaved.

My main problem is the 8 year old girls who want to play in my DS's bedroom with all his stuff - but don't to play with him. I'm not having that!

Sorry, 'don't want'

OK, well as one of those who considers playdates awful, I'll answer then if I may ll31. :)

Yep, I really did/do hate the idea of having other kids around and though it might be my own DCs house too, it's in my name, I pay for it, I'm the adult and I make the rules! They get to do that only when they are the adults in charge of the home. Yes, of course an adult can manage the bad behaviour/food refusal/rudeness/cat poking/sofa jumping etc but I don't want to experience or deal with it so I don't invite it.

truthfully I think thats very sad but then again would be boring if everyone shared same ideas!

i have one friend at a time for DS (5), i tell them the rules at the start (my bedroom out of bounds, all food at the table, play nicely and look after stuff), and we haven't really had any problems at all. tbh, since DS is an only, it gives me a chance to chill while he is happily playing upstairs with whichever wee chum is over, rather than me being his "playmate".

I fully understand this may be purely luck in that his wee friends are all pretty nice and well behaved wee kids, and this can easily change as he (and they) get older etc, but for now its working ok. i think setting rules when they arrive really helps, rather than just hoping they will behave the way your dc do in the house.

and a trampoline in the garden is a very sound investment - have chucked small boys out onto it to help burn off excess excitement at the start of a visit many a time!!

I think its sad when children are not allowed their mates round too

i also found that 3 is the devils number .... if you have 2 (ie my ds and a chum) they play nicely, 4 or more can be bonkers but still fun, but 3 (my ds and 2 others) .... omg, hell, cos one or another always seems to get left out/picked on/is less good at the games etc so feels isolated, tears etc etc...

never have a group of 3 the same age!!! (1 older bossy one and 2 younger acolytes can work).

I've never had a problem with my DC having friends to play, I like getting to know their friends a bit. I think a couple of hours is usually enough and tend to draw the line at sleepovers despite the fact that my 12 year old DD seems to think they're actually a legal requirement of parenting.

I have 4 DC aged between 6 ansd 18 so I consider myself a bit of a veteran, and have never yet encountered a child who doesn't respond to a kind but firm
"NO don't pour juice on your pasta/head/cat" (delete as applicable)

I tell them that they can play in the downstairs rooms, kitchen, garden and hosting child's room but must stay out of the rooms of everyone else.

The only time I ever found myself mildly challenged /tempted to knock his block off,was by a by a 10 year old who claimed to be allergic to tap water, deliberately trod on the cat's tail then screamed when it hissed at him then cried when it rained in the park on the way back to the car because he would get a chill -my DC never invited him again

Mine have friends round for tea or to play HATE the term playdate!!

I like them because they have to tidy their bedrooms in preparation lol!!!

If a child is too hyper, misbehaves or is rude, I just don't invite them back and tell them the rules - don't see why it's that hard. My kids love having a friend over as they don't get to play 'out' the way I did as a child where we always had friends on tap.

Sorry but at 7, your child and your child's friends are old enough to know boundaries and to respect them. As the adult in charge, its up to you to enforce them.

When my 7 year old has friends round to play I make it clear the ground rules that they have - my room is out of bounds, they do not play with clothes from the wardrobe, and whatever they get out they must put away (and leave DDs room tidy) before they go home. I do insist that they tidy up before they go home and those who are not happy with it are told that if they don't abide by my house rules will go home and won't come back again.

DD did have one friend who used to call round, invite herself to tea and then moan that she didn't like the food we were eating. I always just reply that's the food we're having, if you don't want to eat it then you'd better go home for your tea. Your DCs friends will learn your rules when you enforce them. After all, they have these rules at school and respect them - so why not at your house?