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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To loathe and despise hosting "playdates"??

228 replies

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 22/10/2011 12:38

I hate it. I hate the term "Playdate" but it's what everyone calls it now...I hate that my ordinarily well behaved DD (7) turns into a monster....I hate the squashed food I find in corners of the house afterwards...I hate the hysteical sqeualing and the way my 3 year old tries to join in (even though they naturally dont want her)

I hate the way I can't relax....I'm always wondering what they're up to....are they in my makeup? trashing the bedrom?

I am sitting here thinking about whether AIBU to never have another until they're old enough to mooch miserably in their bedrooms and only grunt when I speak to them.

OP posts:
startail · 23/10/2011 01:47

If the visiting child is happy to speak to me then they are fine. If they look like I'm an alien if I ask them if they want a drink I find them very stressful.
I much prefer DD2s slightly cheeky friend to her stupidly shy one.

itsstillgood · 23/10/2011 06:25

Am not looking forward to DS being old enough for them. May home-school in order to avoid.
Grin So so so not the answer. If you want your kids to socialise if you home school, you have to organise it and usually go too! Means lots and lots of playdates and lots of Brew usually followed by need for Wine

uselessbillynomates · 23/10/2011 06:34

We love them, I set the ground rules from the first one and they go swimmingly. We don't have playdates here, friends come for tea or just knock on the door and come in to play, thank goodness.
The ground rules? No going in my bedroom, no going in the kitch

uselessbillynomates · 23/10/2011 06:34

ooops...no going in the kitchen, no tv/wii if the weather is good enough to play outside - i.e. not pouring with rain.

TheFidgetySheep · 23/10/2011 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineversignedupforthis · 23/10/2011 06:58

That is weird sheep. But funny.

seeker · 23/10/2011 06:58

"So I have to spend one of my precious mornings next week with an old bloke sat in my house while the girls play. I hate things like that - false smiles all round."

I know, older people do make the house untidy, don'y they? And the smell!!!

Get a grip, people! If the kids start trashing your house, you stop them. If they start jumping on expensive furniture- or any furniture- stop them! If they stRt throwing food you stop them.

YellowDinosaur · 23/10/2011 08:16

See what I find astonishing is the fact that those of you who don't like bad behaviour don't do something about it?

Your house, your rules. End of discussion. Children who don't get this do not get asked again.

I admit that initially I found it difficult to discipline other peoples children but don't anymore and the boys friends get this. Now they run around and have a great time but I won't let them in my bedroom, the guest bedroom or dh study. They can get toys out to play with them but no random tipping out of stuff for no purpose (which used to happen at lot). And they have to stay at the table until everyone has finished (which seems to be the rule they most struggle with tbh!)

The boys love having their friends round and for the most part it makes my life easier too. Occasionally they all fight but can usually be calmed down - if not the tv if wet or garden if dry works wonders. And if I have an occasional day where I can't face it I just take them all to soft play and let them tire themselves out. All good!

tothemoonandback · 23/10/2011 08:27

I HATE HATE HATE them. I have a 10 month old and whenever the older three's friends come round they just drag my baby round the house and it gets on my bloody nerves. I then have to constantly carry my baby so that she is safe from the horror. I have stopped inviting friends round because of the mess, it takes a good few hours to tidy up all the crap. My husband reckons I'm turning into a recluse because of it but bloody hell I can't stand them. I have four kids, happy to play, doing well and I don't think they're missing out. They have eachother and if that makes me sound like an anti social miserable old cow then so be it. I couldn't give a fiddlers fart.

DrinkYourWeakLemonDrinkNow · 23/10/2011 08:38

I do sympathise. We had a couple of horrors round in younger years but now all dc's friends are lovelySmile. The tiresome thing about younger children is the mess and noise. That no longer seems an issue now they're older, I have to admit, so that's good. Dc even make an effort to tidy their rooms if a friend is coming, so one wonderful side effect!

Even so with 3 dc I find I always have a huge list of people I 'must have round..' and it weighs heavily on me as I never reach the end of that list and dc nag me about it. It's the obligation that I must squeeze in all these visits around an already exhaustingly packed week of cubs, dancing, swimming and homework that's such a drag.

I must say though that worse that the playdate (or 'friend for tea' as I prefer) are sleepovers. Who upped the ante to sleepovers for the love of god??Hmm They are worse. We don't have the room and frankly they're a massive pia.

I speak as the recent survivor of a sleepover for 6 teens (the least expensive option to entertain dd's friends for her birthday). O. M. G is all I can say.

snailoon · 23/10/2011 08:46

YABVU
your daughter probably hates having your friends over: horribly boring conversations, repulsive things to eat, unnaturally clean surroundings. This is her house too, and she should be able to invite people over.
I think having kids over is wonderful, and I love knowing my children's friends, some of whom run up and give me hugs, and always seem to have fun at our house. If they want to laugh at my underwear, they are very welcome to this harmless form of entertainment.

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 23/10/2011 09:16

I must admit I hate the idea of having other children over more than the reality.

To be fair my children are still small (nearly 4yrs and 14m) and I am either helping a friend out by watching their dc for an hour or 2 or they are there too.

There is only one friend of DD's that I am happy for them to be out of my sight and she is a year older and they like to play tooth fairies or with the dollhouse in dd's room. Other children I like to keep them in the sitting room, but then saying that, nearly all the other friends are boys who just do stupid things (i don't know if this is a boy thing or not!) Like turning on my electric toothbrush and hiding it under the step DD uses to reach the loo ( I mean why?)

MrsCampbellBlack · 23/10/2011 09:22

I don't mind them but choose the 'dates' carefully so its a nice well behaved child. And then with a bit of luck they disappear for a few hours in the garden/bedroom only surfacing when they want a drink/snack.

NorfolkBroad · 23/10/2011 09:33

I feel similarly OP. Mind you some kids are alot better than others. My dd is an only so I would feel really mean saying no but that said after a particularly stressful one last,week dd actually asked me herself to be firmer with this particular friend of hers. Other posters are right, we ought to be better at saying no and putting down rules.

Adversecamber · 23/10/2011 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 23/10/2011 10:31

Don't people have neighbours children knock for them to play any more?
Is it all prearranged playdates [shudder] now

Mine all did

RiffRaffeta · 23/10/2011 10:42

I empathise with the younger sibling wanting to join in. Mine now have one round each at the same time - so 2 girls (age 5 ) and 2 boys ( age 8 ).

It works well as long as I get the right combo. Siblings to play doesn't usually work as they bicker. Best are ones that don't know each other as they tend to stay separate.

The girls make more mess - but I lay down ground rules with both of them when they walk through the door - and the boys are more lively, so they normally go in the garden.

Aged under 5 its hard as you feel obliged to keep an eye/hover. I never, ever get involved unless there is a ruck/upset/bad behaviour.

Our DC play with the next door neighbours DC a lot as they are the same age, which is nice as its spontaneous and often for less time/doesn't involve feeding etc.

lisad123 · 23/10/2011 10:51

i hate playdates from school!
I dont mind my friends kids and my sisters kids, they are all fully aware of the rules and i tend to be more relaxed.

motherinferior · 23/10/2011 10:56

I love having other kids round for mine to play with. I never had friends round when I was their age and I felt very sad and lonely.

TurkeyBurgerThing · 23/10/2011 10:59

I hate it too. I get mega fucked off that something ALWAYS gets broken. I get irritated with how much tidying I have do afterwards. I also hate that because I have a larger house and garden that it's ALWAYS me who hosts them.

Aaah feel better now I've got that out.

usualsuspect · 23/10/2011 11:04

My house was tiny and always full of kids

I don't think house size is relevant tbh

usualsuspect · 23/10/2011 11:06

I think I live in a very different world to a lot of MNetters

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/10/2011 11:09

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betterwhenthesunshines · 23/10/2011 11:16

YANBU to find them hard work, but YABU if you are seriously thinking of not doing them anymore! Shock

When they are younger you defintely have to set the groundrules, and be a bit like a nursery school teacher. But as they get older (mine now 9 and 6) it's much easier to leave them to themselves with just a quick check every now and again. I find the boys tend to be funnier (eg making a giant string with all the postman rubber bands and then joining all the door handles together) and the girls messier ( ALL their clothes / dressing up stuff out, nail varnish spillages...)

You also get to know different children so you know the ones who will make your life easier by keeping everyone happily entertained, and the ones you have to be on high alert for.

I have no problems in letting children know my rules in my house, and I find that because you're not their mum they usually follow them quite happily

troisgarcons · 23/10/2011 11:18

Its much better when they are teenagers and you just have grunting lumps on the sofa - mind you they just seem to fridge raid and hold the sky remote hostage. But at least they aren't bouncing on your bed and shoving progles down the loo!