to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub?

I think she should pay, its not fair for the HO to be out of pocket because the bride is a bitch. The op should come out of this looking good, and not be the bad person. I would not feel right knowing I owed money. Op should use this as an expensive life lesson.

Its not fair for the other hens to absorb the cost either! OP should find out more from the venue etc, but at the end of the day she should pay, at least she has saved herself a lot of money going on a shit weekend.

Really if I knew i was not invited to the wedding, there is noway I would want to go on a hen night.

Why be such a mug and then complain about it? This isn't a friend. I'd have said no to the hen do or backed out of it and then deleted this person from my life.

Pay for my own snubbing? No ways. I'd rather not pay and have a cheap life lesson :)

There's no way the organiser has paid £800 as a down payment! That's just ridiculous. She doesn't even really know the OP - why would she pay all that money down when she doesn't know all of those attending?

OP, contact the place where the hen night is being held and ask them exactly what's happened. If she's put down £100 I'll be amazed - I think she would have asked you all for £10 each now if she had.

Its not the HO fault here, its the brides fault for snubbing her. OP should do some research if its true that indeed she owes £80 than she should pay it! Its the right and proper thing to do, not leave an innocent party out of pocket.

Yes of course she should pay it if it's been paid, but that seems incredibly unlikely.

If the HO has paid the deposits totalling £80 per person, and OP pulls out then HO has still paid 2 x£80 hasn't she (£160 intotal, which OP says is cost of activity),, so therefore the cost of hers (HO's) is then fully paid!

or am I being dim

don't go, I just don't get how people think sometimes! its all about priorities ask yourself why should she be yours???

No not really Saltire as the HO would have had to pay deposit for herself as well.

I really wouldn't pay. The bride let the husband down about the photography job, used the woman, hasn't acted with an ounce of sense or integrity.

I really wouldn't hand over eighty quid for her hen do. Why?

I'm with you, Blue. I'd not give her a penny.

The beef is not with the HO who has this difficult task of organising a hen do and extracting money out of people for it, its with the bride Therefore its wrong if the op has to pay the £80 to HO not to pay as its not the bride who will be out of pocket but the HO, not her fault.

So, hang on! You were going to be at the wedding, when she wanted your DH to do the photography for free but then she decided she had a better offer from someone else, neglected to tell you, and then REMOVED you from the invite list?????

And you're seriously wondering about bowing out of her hen night??? Is there any debate to be had?

Its about payment and the money than the hen organiser has had to give in advance as a deposit thats under debate really, not that she pulled out. If it transpires that the op has to pay that amount to the HO than thats the right thing to do.

Yes but no but. Why not email the bride and tell her to pay it?

Why pay to be treated badly?

If she toughens up they'll get the money from somewhere and it won't be the ho's pocket.

It just isen't right that the HO has to pay, doubt the bride will she does not sound very nice at all.

I would ring the venue and find out what costs have been paid. I have never heard of 50% having to be paid for anything up front.

gagging hoping for an update....

So if, for example, 10 people were booked on this activity at 80 pounds per person, and 50% deposit was paid, i.e. 400 pounds, then only 9 people turn up, would the remaining cost to be paid be another 400 pounds (50% of 1080) or would it be 360 (940) or would it be 320 (9*80 less 400 already paid).

OP, you could end up subsidising the others' day.

You really should call the venue of the hen activity and find out if
a) the deposit really has been paid
b) how much was paid, and
c) what they will charge if one of the booked people cancels.

Will they just charge for the people who are there, which means the balance to pay will be reduced? i.e. your deposit will be put towards the final bill for the people who do attend.

I think we are nearly all in danger of a violent agreement here [hgrin]!!!

Please come back Tights, we are all on the edges of our collective seats!!

yes please--update us OP

I really can't think of any collective activity costing £160 quid where if you don't turn up and quite a lot of the party do, the venue would end up losing money/bookings and wanting to forfeit a deposit.
A venue that does individual activities - eg facial, massage, hairdos, makeovers, riding lessons, racing car/go kart lessons/rides, bungee jumping, flying lesson, etc - that gets one booking less would simply free up the last slot and take public bookings, and wouldn't need to charge the party.
A group activity - flower arranging, a dance class (trying to get the pole dance image from another poster out of my mind!), cooking demonstration (wow - must be with Gordon Ramsay to cost that much!!!), boat ride, plane ride - will still go ahead, even with one person less......and unfortunately, that means the whole party pays more per person or the bride should pay (for offending the OP, IMO!) but there wouldn't be a lost deposit for the particular individual from the venue.

I emailed the venue today and was shocked because they're saying that no deposit has been paid! They have the booking and they're waiting for the deposit, but to this date they haven't received anything! They didn't say how much the deposit should be. Unless there's a deposit due for something else (unlikely) I don't think that I should be paying anything to the HO.

I forwarded their message to the HO with a v. polite note to say that luckily it seems that I don't need to pay anything, so it's all ok. I said that I hope they have a great time etc, etc. She's bound to be furious that I've checked up on her story, but what can I do?

Agh!