Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this poster is a heap of sexist woman-blaming SHIT?

362 replies

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 19/10/2011 16:23

Here - a nice bit of misogynism from the police in Wales.

How about a big poster suggesting helpfully "Rape. Don't be a rapist. Use your dick sensibly. Rapists feature in 100% of rapes??"

OP posts:
HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 19/10/2011 17:07

So alcohol is involved in 80% of rapes - fair enough. How many of the rapists are the ones that have been drinking?

Because of the nature of the poster everyone is assuming that it is the women who are putting themselves at risk by drinking, when there is a much greater chance of a rapist raping when they are intoxicated. So again, why aren't men told to not drink?

upahill · 19/10/2011 17:09

Bimbo why shouldn't I get pissed if I want to
I get you and ideally you should if you want to and come to no harm.BUT life in our country isn't like that.

There are all sorts of similar statements you could say about things.

Why can't I leave my £3,000 Orange Mountain bike outside a shop with out it getting nicked? Why because there a thieving criminals who will take it.

Why can't allow my son walk to the train station after leaving his mates after the pictures at 10.30 at night. Because there a nasty bastards who stab young lads in the town centre for a laugh.

There's lots of things 'we' should be able to do but can't. So until every criminal and potential rapist is rounded up and dealt with we have to look after our own personal safety as best as we can.

lassylass · 19/10/2011 17:11

A poster that aims to prevent women being raped cannot in any way be seen as 'misogynism'. Really it cant.

The poster targets the victim because rapists dont give a shit. It would be a pretty ineffective poster campaign that said 'please dont murder people' or 'crime is bad and people dont like it so please stop'. These people are outside of normal society and dont give a damn, so as a potential victim you do what you can to protect yourself.

Not getting shitfaced and staggering home on your own is one of the ways to reduce risk.

It really isnt hard to understand.

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 17:11

It would be great to live in an ideal world, where we could all do as we wished, without being at any risk of harm, but that world does not exist.

When people have had a drink, they lose their inhibitions, they can misjudge situations, and they can wake up really regretting their actions from the night before. I am sure most of us have done that at some point, and most of us will have been lucky enough that we have woken up safe and unharmed.

I have seen many of my mates get pissed, and have one night stands, that had they been sober they would have thought twice about. I have done it myself years ago.

It is very easy to think you are invincible when you are pissed. Waking up the next morning, how many women are there who dont report what has happened to them to the police, because of the stigma of not being belived, or someone saying they asked for it. Of course they didnt bloody ask for it, but if they hadnt been blind drunk, they would possibly have thought twice about going off with a bloke who they did not know.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 19/10/2011 17:12

The whole point of rape is that women have no choice in the matter. Saying don't be a victim is fuckwittery of the highest order.

upahill · 19/10/2011 17:13

It's not saying don't be a victim.
It's saying look after yourself.

FinancialScents · 19/10/2011 17:15

Shocking. Absolutely fucking shocking that the police should be using a 'blame the victim' culture in an apparent rape prevention campaign.

Just how many of those rapists successfully used the excuse of being drunk to escape conviction? Talk about double standards. If you are a woman, drunk who gets raped, it is all your fault. If you are a man, drunk who rapes it is not your fault at all and all responsibility is abdicated.

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 17:15

Saying don't be a victim is fuckwittery of the highest order.

Suggesting that people put their safety first is hardly fuckwittery.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 17:16

er, upahill, dont be a victim is exactly what the poster does say!!

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 17:17

If you are a woman, drunk who gets raped, it is all your fault.

No, it isnt your fault that you got raped. But it doesnt take away the fact that you have been raped. You would also question yourself as to whether if you had been sober, would it still have happened. There is a chance that it wouldnt in many cases, because you wouldnt have let your guard down, and take a risk.

BertieBotts · 19/10/2011 17:18

FFS, it isn't at all the same as saying you shouldn't use your phone at night because the light makes it immediately obvious you are using it - if you want to make analogies to phone theft, it would be like saying "Don't get too drunk, or you might not be able to fight someone off when they try to grab your phone."

You can't hide away the fact you're female like you can hide a phone.

"... if they hadnt been blind drunk, they would possibly have thought twice about going off with a bloke who they did not know."

And what about the fact that the vast majority of rapists are known to the victim?

lassylass · 19/10/2011 17:20

'dont be a victim' is not the same as blaming the victim.

FFS you lot are really reaching with this one.

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 17:20

Yes Bertie, the majority, but even if the minority section of rapes are reduced, that is still an improvement. Just one rape by a stranger is one too many IMO.

LindenAvery · 19/10/2011 17:22

'No, it isnt your fault that you got raped. But it doesnt take away the fact that you have been raped. You would also question yourself as to whether if you had been sober, would it still have happened. There is a chance that it wouldnt in many cases, because you wouldnt have let your guard down, and take a risk.'

I can't believe some of the things I am reading here.....really squeaky? I hope no one you know gets raped I really do.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 19/10/2011 17:23

The poster says:

*Rape

Don't be a victim

Drink sensibly

Alcohol features in two thirds of all rapes*

It actually says 'Don't be a victim.'

It doesn't say two thirds of rapes happen to terribly drunk women. It says 'alcohol features.' So the woman has had a drink. Or the rapist. It doesn't say. It's very interesting how quickly some people have jumped to the conclusion that the 2/3 figure = women drinking themselves into insensibility.

For the person comparing it to advice to hide jewellery from the sight of potential muggers, can someone explain how I can hide the fact that I'm a woman. Because that's enough for a rapist.

It's not about what you wear or where you go it's about the fact that they want to penetrate you without your consent.

People still believe that dressing modestly or drinking less or not being alone will protect them. The truth is that not being with a rapist is the only protection.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 19/10/2011 17:23

But as someone said on the other thread, if a rapist doesnt get chance to attack you he will attack someone else. He's not going to lose the urge to rape and go off to live a happy and healthy life.
If no-one walks down his dark alley, he will try a different one.
If no-one is drunk and an easy target, he may break into someones house.

MmeLindor. · 19/10/2011 17:24

It is not rape prevention though, is it?

It is MmeLindor-rape-prevention-if-I-happen-to-be-out-on-the-town.

Which is NOT where most rapes happen.

Doesn't stop me being raped by someone I know.

Doesn't stop the next woman to leave the nightclub being raped.

If they want to bring down the numbers of rapes then they have to start believing women who report a rape, be much more willing to prosecute rapes, and give women the support needed to carry through with the court case.

Anyone remember the MN rape survey? How many women who had been raped or sexually assaulted and did not report it, because there would not be any point?

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 17:25

lassy. telling women to "dont be a victim" is telling women that they have a choice in whether they are a victim or not when in actual fact the only person who has a choice in who is a victim is a rapist. saying 'dont be a victim' is like saying a woman would make the choice to be a victim!! in other words, if you chose to drink you are chosing to be a victim. and we all know that is bullshit.

wahwahwah · 19/10/2011 17:25

What the hell?
'Women, have it sewn up so you can't get raped' There's a slogan for you.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 19/10/2011 17:25

People believe that they need to do x, y and z not to get raped, because it is easier than accepting that no matter who you are and what you do, it can happen to you...

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 17:27

If they want to bring down the numbers of rapes then they have to start believing women who report a rape, be much more willing to prosecute rapes, and give women the support needed to carry through with the court case.

That may bring about more prosecutions, but how will it stop women being raped. Men will still rape a stranger because they have less chance of being identified.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 17:28

squeaky more prosecutions= bigger deterrant to rapists.

MmeLindor. · 19/10/2011 17:29

Squeaky
It will bring the numbers of rape down because if there is a higher chance that you will end up before a court, many rapists would not rape. They know full well that they can get away with it.

WineAndPizza · 19/10/2011 17:30

"The whole point of rape is that women have no choice in the matter. Saying don't be a victim is fuckwittery of the highest order."

MarginallyNarky I agree 100%.

Chandellina I actually hate that poster of the jewellery too, what are they suggesting? Don't wear your nice jewellery out of the house? How about if instead of a necklace, they had £ coins where your engagement/wedding rings are? Should you always wear gloves when venturing from your home? Or long sleeves? Why not be tougher on crime and spend the money there rather than on ads saying 'there are dangerous people EVERYWHERE - don't show them your necklace and don't be a female and drink.'

DON'T RAPE AND DON'T STEAL SHIT. That should be the message.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 19/10/2011 17:31

Exactly. What HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo said:

telling women to "dont be a victim" is telling women that they have a choice in whether they are a victim or not when in actual fact the only person who has a choice in who is a victim is a rapist. saying 'dont be a victim' is like saying a woman would make the choice to be a victim!! in other words, if you chose to drink you are chosing to be a victim. and we all know that is bullshit.