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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this poster is a heap of sexist woman-blaming SHIT?

362 replies

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 19/10/2011 16:23

Here - a nice bit of misogynism from the police in Wales.

How about a big poster suggesting helpfully "Rape. Don't be a rapist. Use your dick sensibly. Rapists feature in 100% of rapes??"

OP posts:
MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 19/10/2011 18:43

I'm not trying to tell you how to feel Peachy. Just saying that there are things we only know once we've lived through them. I can look back now on a lot of (other) stuff that happened when I was a teenager and see it so much more clearly - see the motives of others, see that it was obvious what was going on way before I figured it out as a teen. That's life experience. You're not supposed to know all that stuff as a teen.

I can find it quite depressing now that my life acts as a filter when I meet people. Going to dinner with a friend's new partner and realising before you get the main course that he's going to cheat on her or not want her going out without him.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 18:47

5 years? Sad

i was hoping it would be something hefty (although rarely used) so that it could be used on posters the same way the sentence for death by dangerous driving is used.

i.e; you're facing a X year prison sentence for non consentual sex ( i am using non consentual here because i think alot of men justify what they do by thinking rape is always a violent assault rather than what some of them do which is wait til she's/get her drunk enough)

TenderlyLovinglyByAGoat · 19/10/2011 18:48

5 yrs might be average served but max is either 12 or life I think

TenderlyLovinglyByAGoat · 19/10/2011 18:50

max must be life mustn't it

like arson

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 19/10/2011 18:54

Aha, maximum sentence is life. Average sentence is 8 years. Here

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 18:57

in fact why haven't there been ad/poster campaings like this the same way there is about death by dangerous/drink/drugged driving?

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 18:57

Maximum is life, average is 4 years according to rapecrisis website

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 19/10/2011 18:58

It can never be exactly the same.

Because rape is NOT like any other crime.

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 19/10/2011 19:06

Until this question can be answered YES
We cannot have posters like this.

Will a women who has been raped be given equal justice and will rapes achieve equal rates of conviction

as

Men who are mugged/beaten/robbed

if both parties are pissed?

If a man is mugged and is rolling pissed and there is evidence to convict, does the prosecution say 'he was drunk m'lord, he was asking for his phone to be stolen' ?

And does the robber then get let off because the victim was too drunk to know he was in danger of getting robbed?

Does he fuck.

TipOfTheSlung · 19/10/2011 19:08

Wouldn't it make far more sense to say
don't get drunk
you may pretend to be wonderwoman and try and climb some scaffolding
don't get drunk
you may stagger onto the tracks at the station
don't get drunk
101 other reasons it can be dangerous
the one thing there is no point saying is
don't get drunk what because you may rape yourself? Hmm

Chocobo · 19/10/2011 19:12

If miraculously ALL women in the country decided to go completely teetotal based on the advice of the poster can we expect to see instances of rape go down by two thirds? Somehow I don't think so.

lassylass · 19/10/2011 19:18

"If miraculously ALL women in the country decided to go completely teetotal based on the advice of the poster can we expect to see instances of rape go down by two thirds? Somehow I don't think so."

I think you'd be surprised.

'We were both pissed' certainly couldnt be used as an excuse any more.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 19/10/2011 19:20

An "excuse" [hshock]

I'm speechless.

BertieBotts · 19/10/2011 19:24

Oh well. All women should just stay indoors forever then and only ever deal with men that they trust. That ought to cut rape out completely! Except even that wouldn't, since the majority of rapes are by men known to, and trusted by, the victim. Which might have something to do with why women don't "notice the warning signs" or why they feel perfectly safe getting drunk around these people or why they get in a cab with them or go home with them or kiss them or sleep in a bed with them.

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 19:25

No need for anyone to go teetotal, just a sensible precaution not to get completely bladdered and unable to make balanced decisions and put your personal safety at risk.

Some people seem so entrenched in the agenda that "a woman who gets raped is never to blame" that they are blinkered and unable to accept that some women could have taken more care with their personal safety.

I absolutely cannot see why any woman would rather ignore advice purely because they are so pig headed that they would pefer to put themselves at risk simply to prove a point. But that seems to be what quite a few are saying on this thread.

More people get into cars with drunk drivers because they themselves are pissed than people who are sober and more likely to make the safe decision. Why do they do this? Not because they are bothered about the driver getting caught and getting punished, but because they personally do not want to get injured. The same applies to making yourself an easier target for a rapist or mugger.

If you want to reduce the chances of someone taking an opportunist attack on you, then you think twice before doing some things, like walking home alone or inviting someone you have never met back to your place when nobody else is going to be home.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 19:25

exactly bertie.

Original poster
QueenOfFlamingEverything · 19/10/2011 19:26

Oh really lassylass.

No rape in any of the countries where alcohol is forbidden, then? Hmm

OP posts:
HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 19:28

"they would pefer to put themselves at risk simply to prove a point."

women drinking are not putting themselves at risk!!! the rapist is the one who creates the risk. how many times??!!

Original poster
QueenOfFlamingEverything · 19/10/2011 19:28

Being a woman seems to be the thing that makes one most vulnerable to rape.

Hardly something one can hide, or avoid, or just stop doing.

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 19:30

But Queen, nobody is saying ALL rapes are the same, because they arent. Most rapes are unavoidable, some rapes are avoidable.

If my friend had not drunkenly made the decision to walk home through the fields from a nightclub when we were teens, if she had stayed with the rest of us, then I would say it is a safe bet she would still be alive today. Not found the next day raped and murdered near the canal. :( and that is just one example of quite a few that I know where alcohol has played a part in making life changing, and in that case life-ending, decisions.

Chocobo · 19/10/2011 19:30

I would be interested to see how high rape rates are in countries where alcohol is forbidden or where women are expected to "dress modestly" and how they compare to the UK.

blackoutthesun · 19/10/2011 19:30

Some people seem so entrenched in the agenda that "a woman who gets raped is never to blame" that they are blinkered and unable to accept that some women could have taken more care with their personal safety.

[shocked]

i'm lost for words...

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 19/10/2011 19:33

chocobo, do you honestly think taht in country where women are dictated to on how they should dress there would be an accurate reporting of rapes? honestly?

complexnumber · 19/10/2011 19:34

So, should school girls be allowed to wear short skirts?

If not, why not?

(this is not meant to be a provocative post, just a genuine enquiry)

TenderlyLovinglyByAGoat · 19/10/2011 19:37

none of this advice about alcohol is any help to babies, women in conflict zone type countries, children, men in prison and any other group of people vulnerable to these crimes is it - turning into a lesbian and living a hairy separatist life seems the only way of lowering the risk but then not wholly and of course women assault women sometimes too