to think this poster is a heap of sexist woman-blaming SHIT?

[QueenOfFlamingEverything]

Here - a nice bit of misogynism from the police in Wales.

How about a big poster suggesting helpfully "Rape. Don't be a rapist. Use your dick sensibly. Rapists feature in 100% of rapes??"

No Porce. Directed at OP.

Looking at this in the wider context, this poster is a complete waste of taxpayer's money, let alone that police force's presumably tight budget. Using resources this way is totally disproportionate. I can think of no other examples of a public organisation mounting a campaign about preventing an evil that is enacted against 1 in 4 women, but yet doesn't focus on the situations where that evil is perpetrated, 80% of the time.

Using resources in a smarter way is not idealistic, it is pragmatic.

ProudandScary thank you, yes I'm okay. I've had a few rough patches over the years, but I've come to terms with it and am in a very happy place now :)
And as tough as sharing is, if I can help change one persons opinion of acquaintance rape, I'll be happy. Plus it's much easier when I'm anonymous.

I'll be honest though, I think I deal with it better on a day to day basis because almost nobody knows. And that makes me think that if, god forbid, something like that happened again, maybe it would be better for me if I didn't report it.
I know that this is very much the wrong thing to say. And of course I feel awful that my rapists have probably gone on to do it again! Just trying to explain my feelings honestly.

As I said though, the whole memory is greatly helped by the fact that I was drunk and I don't have a second by second account in my head.

One of my rapists walked into my office one day. I honestly don't think he recognised me, but I had to go. I thought I was over it then, but on seeing him I was sick. I couldn't look at him, even on his own, in my territory, he terrified me.
I found out he was working for a colleague. So I had to give my boss a very watered down version of the story. She laid him off, and put a note on his file that no-one was to use him again, ever.
I'm sure that legally she wasn't allowed to do that. But I loved her at that moment.

Looking at this in the wider context, this poster is a complete waste of taxpayer's money, let alone that police force's presumably tight budget

So what would you do instead if you were them? Seems like they're damned if they do, damned if they don't to me.

And what would you advise your daughters, as statistically it is young women aged 16 - early 20's who are most likely to be raped.

There is no point telling women not to have alcohol, to wear their skirts an inch longer etc, if we still tell men that non-consensual sex is not really rape. As long as non-consensual sex is differentiated from rape, rapes will not go down.

Claiming non-consensual sex, is not morally rape is justifying rape.

But people feel free to do this all the time, look at the articles I posted in another thread yesterday where journalists felt free to claim that rape is not what you think it is, it is in fact non-consensual sex as if this should change out minds about wanting tougher sentences for rapists, look at the Julian Assange case, he has been accused of something that in Britain is considered rape i.e having sex with a woman when she did not consent as she was asleep. Now whether he did this or not is another matter for the Swedish courts, but plenty of people here are complaining that this is considered rape. The idea that wanting women to have autonomy of their own bodies makes you a man hating bitch is disgusting. can you imagine if men were being told that other men were not really rapists if they had non-consensual sex with them so long as they did not beat them up.

whatmeworry,
well if we really wanted to stop rapes, we would tell women not to ever be alone with men. But we cannot do that as that would be man hating feminism, and we would be accused of saying all men are potential rapists (and only men can imply that and only if using it to claim the victims are partly to blame for trusting a man they knew), so instead we have to imply that victims of rape are all drunken girls who get what is coming to them.

You know I think i would rather we lived in a country that was honest about its attitudes to women and lashed us for "immodest" dress, drinking alcohol etc rather than one that claimed we were human beings in our own right, but then justified rape if we drink, wear "immodest" clothing etc.

"And what would you advise your daughters, as statistically it is young women aged 16 - early 20's who are most likely to be raped."

I would say dont drink so much you lose control. I would say be very wary of getting into mini cabs. I would say they are some rapists out there they will take advantage of you and that you need to be very very careful. I would say think twice before going back to that guys house.

Noone can stop a an evil fuck that goes and breaks in and rapes a 80 year old Granny

But young girls can be taught that they need to look after themselves as there are some shitty people out there.

I have 2 occasions of non consensual sex happen to me, and one in particular left me very upset. and surpise surpise, I was off my tits when it happended. I dont blame myself, but I bet you anything they would not have occured had I been sober

Thanks Porcamiseria, I think I would say similar. And show them the stats.

Well that statistic is false whatmeworry. Check your facts.

I've explained upthread what I would do if I were them. I'd use resources proportionate to the incidence of crime and the profile of the assailants/victims. A public safety campaign about the risk of sustaining or inflicting either accidental or deliberate harm in public places where drugs and alcohol are consumed, is proportionate and reflects the actual incidence of these occurrences.

Any campaign to prevent rape though, must focus on the truth of it. What it is, who's doing it, what victims can expect in terms of care and ultimately, justice.

We have sons and daughters. Their Dad and I have given them exactly the same messages about safety and what constitutes consent, against a backdrop of facts that our daughters are more likely to be raped by someone they know and that our sons are more likely to be attacked by a stranger.

Can you show us the stats, please?

Still blaming the women.

"So, what would you advise to avoid my situation?"

Dont know really. Maybe the police can run a campaign warning women about date rape too?

Hey - and it could run alongside the perfectly reasonable campaign warning of the increased risk of opportunist rape through getting shitfaced?

I'm surprised they havent thought of it TBH. Stupid fuking mysogynistic police.

Well that statistic is false whatmeworry. Check your facts

Which statistic?

I wasn't shitfaced. And even if I had have been, he was wrong.

Oh Ninky noone is blaming women here, noone

Equipping women wth advice and tools to avoid situation is not blaming them!!!!!

Its a new issue as a few years ago women did not drink, or even have the same level of independance they have now.

Even if this advice saves 50 girls a year well its worth it

rape is a deep seated societal issue that frankly, we cant solve
But we can try and stop 19 year old girls getting into a car wth a load of guys that want to "roast" them

Porca
"Even if this advice saves 50 girls a year well its worth it"

This is what I am talking about. It will not save these 50 girls, as the rapist will move on to someone else.

And even if it did prevent a rape, it is doing so at a high cost - continuing the myth that women who get raped were somehow "asking for it" and making them feel that they somehow could have avoided it.

They have been raped. They have likely not been believed when they reported it. The rapist has gone unpunished.

Now they are made to feel that is their fault.

How many times shall we kick them when they are down?

Porca,
So you would tell your daughter not to get into a car with your son's friends, or her boyfriend and his friends, because if you keep implying to your daughter that only strangers rape you are putting her in danger.

It is because of attitudes like yours that the victim could have prevented the rape that rapist get not-guilty verdicts even when they admit they did not have consent, or were unsure if they had consent. You might save fifty girls, but how many hundreds do you sacrifice.

lassylass"The police are in the business of trying to reduce rape,"

the police are in the business of meeting their targets of appearing to have reduced rapes, so releasing a poster that indicates you are partly to blame if you get raped whilst drunk, helps them to meet that target (fewer women reporting rape).

whatmeworry"but statistically it is true that most rape happens when alcohol is involved, so why is pointing it out a bad idea"

it is true that 23 of rapes involve alcohol, it is NOT true that 2/3 of rape involve the woman being drunk. rapists drink alcohol too you know, but hey, lets not direct any posters at men telling them not to get so drunk they dont know if they've confirmed consent or not, no that would be too fucking sensible.

sorry that first figure should be 2/3 not 23.

(Sorry am C&Ping thread to thread so everyone can read what I have to say )

Btw, in the time after I was raped, I did the exact opposite of all of the "advice" I wore practically nothing out. I was frequently very drunk and alone/in the company of one man (mainly not well known). I got in random taxis and went to random peoples houses.
I went a bit nuts TBH.

But I wasnt raped.

BECAUSE THE MEN I WAS WITH WEREN'T RAPISTS.

florries you have been so brave and honest posting here and i have no doubt that your honestly is helping other victims who are reading this.

Honest? Yes. Brave? Not so much.
If I were brave I would have reported it.

But I don't want to upset my family. I'm not sure they could cope with it.

I'm not even brave enough to post under my normal name, just in case.

There is only one kind of poster I can imagine that might actually make the world safer and that is one telling rape victims that it is not their fault and that they must not let themselves be intimidated into not reporting the rapist. And making it clear that the police force in question are equipped to deal with reporting women in a non-intimidating fashion.

Any advice that leaves the impression that only stranger rape is "real" rape or that a woman who lays herself open to rape should feel embarrassed is allowing rapists to remain at large and so making the world a less safe place for woman.

No, no, no.

We can solve what is a deep societal issue, by counteracting the culture that entitles men to think they are entitled to "roast" a woman but instead some posters here would prefer to devote their energies to changing women's behaviour, not men's.

Where does that "roasting" culture come from, do you think?