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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the withdrawal method is a suitable form of contraception?

161 replies

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 17/10/2011 17:34

DH doesn't want to use condoms or have the snip. I do not want to use the pill or get sterilised after 3 DC so this is the best alternative for us. Has anyone else found it a reliable method. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
seaweedhead · 17/10/2011 18:37

It makes you a bit less likely to conceive but I certainly wouldn't rely on it if you really don't want another baby. DP and I used it for a while before deciding to just take the plunge and make a baby on purpose.

Your DH is being a twat BTW- if he really doesn't want another child then he needs to take responsibility for his fertility.

ShriekingLisa · 17/10/2011 18:38

It will fail at some point. Me and DH soemtimes do the withdrawl method and its daft of us as we dont want another child (not yet anyway Wink)

If your DH doesnt want to wear a condom or get the snip then you'd be best going on the snip or put your foot down and say 'well then no sex'

He has a hand, you buy a rabbit! Wink everyones happy! Grin

HauntyMython · 17/10/2011 18:40

My mum was conceived when my grandma was a virgin, btw - just lots of fooling around and not being, um, clean, was enough... so no way would I rely on WM

MeMySonAndI · 17/10/2011 18:48

Here: www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org/

I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole if I had irregular periods... actually, I don't think I would do anyway, but I think is a better alternative to withdrawal method (which in my opinion is not a method of contraception at all but something teenage kids promise to each other).

laptopdancer · 17/10/2011 18:59

yanbu...worked for us for over 7 years now

addictediam · 17/10/2011 19:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

It will fail at some point.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 17/10/2011 19:04

I wouldn't rely on the pull out method if I were you.

Know how you feel about being fed up at contraception being your responsibility. I am having a nightmare with my implant and have now been prescribed the pill to see if that stops the heavy bleeding and monster pmt I've been getting Sad My DP wont consider the snip as it will hurt Hmm Yeah love, coz childbirth is a breeze as is pregnancy. So it's all down to me if I really don't want another baby (I really bloody don't).

ouryve · 17/10/2011 19:15

It's not contraception. It's not finishing a job you've started and still running the risk of getting pregnant, since semen leaks out long before actual ejaculation.

If you don't want to use any contraception and you don't want to get pregnant, don't have penetrative sex. Not even for a minute.

Syd35 · 17/10/2011 19:16

I know it's not meant to be foolproof but we have used it successfully for the last 9 years. The one time we decided to try to conceive I fell pregnant within the month. Don't know if it's just pure luck but we are comfortable using this method. In saying all that I would be secretly pleased it if failed as I would quite like another child although DH is not so keen.

MsWeatherwax · 17/10/2011 19:27

Withdrawal can be reliable if used properly, but of course can be made more effectively cheaply with the aid of a thermometer and a bit of FAM knowledge, and abstaining at fertile times. Oh, another option might be a diaphragm. There is no sperm in pre-cum if the man has urinated since his last ejaculation. The main risk is if he forgets and pulls out too late. Take a look at the stats here: www.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_s . Withdrawal is 96% effective with perfect use.

BellaDonnaSansMerci · 17/10/2011 19:29

Go for it... It sounds as if you want another child anyway.

lowra · 17/10/2011 19:53

We used it for 4 years. The first month we stopped (as we wanted a baby) I got pregnant.

PhyllisDiller · 17/10/2011 19:55

It worked excellently for us for a good few years......then failed spectacularly just when we had decided to stop a 2 DC's. DC3 is lovely though Smile .

mrsbeeton999 · 17/10/2011 20:05

Me and DH have used withdrawal for last 12 years. I have not got pregnant unintentionally but when we were TTC got pregnant 1st month each time so it obviously does work IMO

Feminine · 17/10/2011 20:15

Right, mrsbeeton exactly the same for us! :)

kalidasa · 17/10/2011 20:19

It's quite effective actually if he is good at it - i.e. plenty of self-control and doesn't wait until the last minute (the usual reason for failure); and can be relied upon to be disciplined even if a bit drunk/feeling extra passionate. Not a good choice for younger or less experienced men, hence the strong warnings against it in school sex ed.

I've only seen one proper study on the question of whether there are viable sperm in pre-ejaculate, but the one I read hadn't found any. There could be some around if he has come recently, so he should pee between repeat performances.

In your position I would combine judicious withdrawal with the fertility awareness method (cf. 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility') - NB not the Persona, which is less effective. FAM teaches you the actual principles. Then you would know when you don't have to bother with contraception at all, and would give you a choice between abstaining, withdrawal or insisting on a barrier method when you know you are fertile. (You might for instance feel 'only with a condom' at your most fertile stage, but be OK with the small risk of withdrawal before that and happy to use nothing once ovulation is confirmed.)

Perriwinkle · 17/10/2011 20:22

You're not being unreasonable in thinking it's a suitable form of contraception to rely on if you're well aware of the fact that there's a very real possibility that you will pregnant again and are willing to deal with that eventuality.

If, however, you do not want to fall pregant again, you are being totally unreasonable, not to mention extremely naive and possibly irresponsible.

ReadySteadyDrink · 17/10/2011 20:22

YANBU, particularly as a 4th DC isn't a problem for you.

I have been with DH for 10 years. We have always used the withdrawal method (well we used condoms at first). We have 1 DS and I am pregnant. We planned both, and I got pregnant on the 2nd cycle both times (i.e. we're both quite fertile, so therefore the withdrawal method can work).

ps when I was 25 and joined a new GP practice, the the initial health check with the nurse she was NOT impressed at my answer when she asked what contraception method I used....particularly as I didn't know it was called the 'withdrawal method' and kind of muttered "...emmm...he...doesn't ejaculate inside me..." Blush

Andrewofgg · 17/10/2011 20:24

All right Groovee why the Haymarket method?

"When I were a lad" we called it the British Rail method and you all know why.

But call it what you like - just don't call it reliable.

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 17/10/2011 20:27

I am pregnant with dc5, we didnt even go as far as withdrawl - we didnt have sex but some semen just happened to land around the general area during um...other things and that was enough. We didnt have sex at all that whole month other than this so i know this is how i got pregnant. After this baby is born i wont be in the same room as him unless i am either on a pill or he wears a condom!.

MangoMonster · 17/10/2011 20:34

It's definitely not reliable.

Perriwinkle · 17/10/2011 20:35

I don't know how a woman can have any respect for her DP/DH if he refuses to do anything to control his fertility when she's had to take sole responsibility for it for years and has had to go through pregnancies/births etc.

It's totally selfish and inconsiderate. It would make me harbour the sort of feelings against him that would make me not want to have sex with him in any case.

The truth is most men just don't want to have it done because they're too bloody sissy.

Sadly, far too many women let them get away with it.

I'd shut up shop if I were you RebelFromTheWaistDown and get a rampant rabbit instead.

sheepgomeep · 17/10/2011 20:38

I used it for years Blush Ive just been lucky I think. We did it properly when we were trying for dd3 and went back to it after she was born 17 months ago.

yabu really. Although I used this method all the time when me and ex were together it wouldnt have been the end of the world if we did have another.

TheBestWitch · 17/10/2011 20:44

Persona worked for me for about 2 years. I've also had a salpingectomy but it only took me 4 months to conceive ds after I stopped using it and started ttc.

I definitely don't want any more kids now though so I wouldn't risk it. DH is having the snip.

Fixture · 17/10/2011 20:44

YABU - it's not contraception.

What's wrong with the pill, mini-pill, injection? Or the cap?