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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the withdrawal method is a suitable form of contraception?

161 replies

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 17/10/2011 17:34

DH doesn't want to use condoms or have the snip. I do not want to use the pill or get sterilised after 3 DC so this is the best alternative for us. Has anyone else found it a reliable method. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 17/10/2011 17:51

Nobody likes condoms. That's not a reason not to use them.

I think it sucks that women are expected to insert coils or take pills or other physically-altering things because men don't want to lose a little bit of sensation. Or have a more complicated sterilisation op because men won't get the snip.

Withdrawal is not reliable at all. You have to come up with a better plan, I'm afraid.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 17/10/2011 17:51

Why doesnt he want to take responsibility for contraception? Sounds as though you've been through enough, and if/when withdrawal fails, you'll be the one to deal with the consequences, not him.

Peanutbuttertuesday · 17/10/2011 17:52

Rebel, thats exactly how i fell pregnant, it's by no means a reliable form of contraception!

Booooooyhoo · 17/10/2011 17:52

well if he is the one refusing contraceptives and doesn't want a child it's his luck out when you get pregnant isn't it? common sense woul dtell him that if he doesn't want to create children he needs to stop his sperm from fertilising your eggs.

but clearly you know withdrawal isn't reliable and are pretending to convince yourself it is so there is no accusation of you getting pregnant on purpose (like you want to)

Groovee · 17/10/2011 17:53

All 3 of my friends children were Haymarket babies as we call the withdrawel.

Dd was a result of persona and I know numerous people who have fallen pregnant on persona.

Dh had to use condoms if he wanted sex until he had the snip.

penguin73 · 17/10/2011 17:55

You need to decide as a couple which idea you like least, using proper contraception or being parents again then move forward from there. If one of you doesn't start taking more responsibility you will probably end up with baby number 4 - I get the impression you would like that, hence why you are trying to push the responsibility on to him when it should be a joint discussion/decision.

sandyballs · 17/10/2011 17:55

We've used this method for the last ten years, since twin DDs were born. I'm obviously not very fertile!

ShowOfHands · 17/10/2011 17:59

Withdrawal is actually a very effective contraception. Where it fails is with men who don't withdraw in time. If your man can then it's as effective as a lot of other methods. 96% effective in fact. But with no user error taken into account. Its problem is that it requires conscious effort to ensure no failure which is hard when carried away.

And there's no sperm in pre-ejaculatory fluid ScaredBear. Tis a myth. Although you may want to avoid two ejaculations in close succession as sperm left in the tubes from the first ejaculation can leak out second time round if intercourse is close together.

Panzee · 17/10/2011 17:59

Where's the fun in that?

corlan · 17/10/2011 18:01

I think YANBU and so does my daughter who I conceived whilst using this method (or 'whoops' as I sometimes like to call her)

IloveJudgeJudy · 17/10/2011 18:05

I, too, conceived while using Persona so would not recommend that, either. Withdrawal is far too risky. If your DH does not want a 4th he needs to either have a vasectomy or get over his aversion to condoms.

EdlessAllenPoe · 17/10/2011 18:06

safe enough if you don't mind getting pregnant.

KatAndKit · 17/10/2011 18:08

If you just can't be bothered with taking the pill every day but you don't actually have an issue with hormonal contraception you could try the implant or one of the other long lasting methods? I'm not fond of the combined pill personally, but I get on fine with the mini-pill. But if you don't want to do that it is your body and entirely up to you and your DH does have to take some responsibility if he is sure he is done with making babies.

IslandMoose · 17/10/2011 18:09

Agree with ShowofHands - we used it solely for 12 years without any accidents.

The fact that when we decided to have children, however, it turned out that we needed fertility treatment might well have something to do with our contraceptive success rate ...

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 17/10/2011 18:09

I think it's quite simple - you would like a 4th, he wouldn't. Either he takes care of contraception or you get your 4th. Simple.

Malificence · 17/10/2011 18:13

Why do you want sex with a man who thinks that contraception is only an issue for you?

There is no resonable reason why he can't have a vasectomy, it's what a decent and loving man does for a woman who has borne his children when they have both decided that they want no more children.

Vasectomy is much more reliable than female sterilisation and has far less risk of side effects.

flamegirl77 · 17/10/2011 18:18

I wouldn't sleep with any man who was too lazy to use a condom if I asked him to.

HauntyMython · 17/10/2011 18:23

Isn't there like a million sperm on the end of a penis before ejaculation? And it only takes one y'know.

There's so many other options - diapraghm? Injection? Implant? Coil?

Although from what you have written it seems there is a bit more to this - your relationship I mean - than just contraception issues... Are you ok?

TestAnswers · 17/10/2011 18:25

I would not advise the withdrawal method but tbh that is exactly what DH and I have used for the 7+ years since the last DC was born. Both DC were concieved the first month of trying previous to that. Maybe part of me thinks that one night DH will get drunk/carried away with the moment enough to decide he would like another. That would be only part of me as I appreciate our life is very easy and ticking along nicely now compared to a few years ago and I wouldn't say I was broody either. DH has proved that even in moments of intense drunkeness he can still be relied upon not to get carried away and decide another baby is exactly what we need, he never leaves it until the final few moments - which almost certainly accounts for the success. When I am sober I am very grateful for this...

montysma1 · 17/10/2011 18:27

We used it very effectively during 15 child freeyears. Lack of fertility was presumably not contributory, as I got got pregnant twice with some speed, in my old age, the minute we "stopped getting off at Partick" (which is a joke which only works in Glasgow.)

Malificence · 17/10/2011 18:29

Why would anyone want to put up with unsatisfying sex as a method of contraception? Confused
I can't think of anything worse than "coitus interruptus" and I'm female, god it must be horrible for a man.

Wormshuffler · 17/10/2011 18:29

Worked for us for 9 years.

EricNorthmansMistress · 17/10/2011 18:31

I wouldn't rely on it at all if I really didn't want to get pregnant. However if I wasn't averse to getting pregnant and my partner wouldn't use anything I would use it. As long as your partner is aware that a) it's not foolproof and b) if you got pregnant you would keep it and guilt trips would not be acceptable then go ahead.

Feminine · 17/10/2011 18:33

We are very fertile.

But, have used it for 17 years when we want to ...no unexpected additions!

I suspect many couples think they are using it, but are not really!

ramblinrose · 17/10/2011 18:35

Yabu

Take it from me.It will fail at some point!

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