to be sat here crying at the thought of putting my baby in nursery

[pinkyp]

my 2nd ds is 10 months, i've just gone and got myself a good job only problem is they only had full time available. I start next week. I'm sat in floods of tears looking at all the nurerys online - they dont look good enough, cant bare the thought of going to one, no one will be able to look after him like i do. What about when he's being naughty they wont love him they'll dislike him for being naughty.

I feel like running away, tempted to go get in bed and hide. Please help me get a grip.

Little babies/children don't care about getting lots of different experiences and stimuli such as those provided by nursery. All they want is to be with and near their mummy. If their mummy is sometimes tired/grumpy they learn about the multitude of facets to the human personality. I don't think there is any benefit in portraying a false image to your child by making the time you do spend with them outside of childcare one big long round of funny, happy, smiley mummy because that's the the real you.

I am sickened by the posters on here who seem almost proud that they felt no angst about leaving their tiny babies in childcare. You clearly had no bond or attachment to your baby, if you had you would have felt like the OP does about leaving her baby.

• that's NOT the real you

Jasminerice i have dipped in and out of this thread so apologies in advance if I have missed you saying it already... But what qualifies you to spout all of this?

jasminerice - Another horrible generalisation from the anti nursery brigade that clearly shows no compassion for human beings.

oh I just wet myself reading jasmine's last post

oh just realised it wasn't meant to be funny.

Oh do bog off jasminerice.

[bored now emoticon]

oh and by the way people who refer to themselves as "mummy" make my teeth
itch.

oh and I have only ever worked part time and therefore used part time daycare does that mean I have half a bond with my children?

[shouts 'mummy mummy mummy' at hobnobs in a manner reminiscent of the 'willy willy willy' thread]

jasminerice you have hit the nail on the head and you are right to be sickened

No one believes me when I try to explain that the whole point of me having children was part of a life long social experiment to see whether if I fucked them up enough my leaving them at nursery they would turn into evil megalomaniacs bent on world domination in a desperate bid for my attention and approval.

I laughed evilly as I placed them into the baby farm nursery that first day. I went out of my way to find one that I wasn't happy with for maximum effect. Everyone thought the tears in my eyes were of sorrow, but no, they were the tears of mirth at the thought of what I may one day launch upon the world.

You will be pleased to know, however that not only do I dump leave them in the hands of evil baby farmers nursery staff, but I don't even force myself to be a "happy smiley mummy" when they are with me as I don't see the point in the nursery experiment if I don't back it up with some serious heart breaking alienation at home.

My heart beats faster when I hear them say "mummy, mummy, pwease give me a cwuddle" and I stare at them with eyes of ice and say NO! Get back to your Evil Science books and start planning my volcanic island paradise you slugs.

I am glad you recognise it for the cold hearted evil action that it is. But I will still have the last laugh as my debauched manic evil children trample over the bodies of your happy well adjusted children on their way to ruling the world.

MOahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Gee thanks, that's nice to know I have no bond or attachment to my children because I used childcare jasminerice. Only thing is, they are teenagers now and very well adjusted, happy, confident people who are doing well at school. And I enjoy their company and find them fascinating and lovely (apart from the completely normal teenage grump they get now and then).
So- that rather blows your little homespun theory out of the water Jasmine. Though it wasn't really a theory was it- just a nasty little cheap dig at mothers who have a work life as well as a home life. And I emphasise the word mothers there as of course I'm sure you don't include that other half of parenthood- the dads - in your unpleasantness. Speaks volumes about you ,and says nothin useful about anyone else.

oh FFS don't feed the .............................

I shared childcare with dh: does this mean we both have half a bond, adding up to a whole between us, or is his bond just inferior because babies want their mummy and not their daddy?

Should I trot into the kitchen where dh and dd are having an early tea and tell them to stop sabotaging our bond? Bit late perhaps as dd is nearly 15. Oh well.

Oh I bet every word of that is true, Babyheave.

[feels self-righteous in comparison]

babyheavingmassofmaggots that just made me spit tea at the screen

Jasmine and what are you basing this utter bollocks your theories on? Are you a child psychologist, or perhaps a specialist of some sort or is it just your warped homespun opinion given that none of your children have attended nursery as babies?

If effects were that clear cut you would expect higher levels of child and teen screwed-upness in countries where nursery care is prevalent and parents tend to share childcare

Scandinavians, I am looking at you!

Well, I always thought those northern European types were just a leetle bit too wholesome and thoughtful.

I knew there was something sinister lurking behind the facade.....

Hear hear cory.

Actually (whispers) I think there's actually quite a wealth of evidence to show that children of parents in employment, who can afford to pay for properly regulated childcare, actually, erm, tend to do well academically and show good indicators of success by a variety of measures. Shhhh! I know we're supposed to think they all turn out as delinquents!

God forbid a child should ever have a mother die, or get ill, or become disabled.
Such children are bound to be doomed to dysfunction forever.

Or indeed a mother who is a doctor, lawyer, nurse, teacher.... Or indeed works in any of those IMPORTANT, USEFUL, NECESSARY, WORTHWHILE and INTERESTING jobs. I mean, god, your children are bound to be so screwed up if they see that first hand lmao

I never felt any angst or guilt about putting my baby into nursery, or with a CM. In fact I kept him at nursery for 3 months over the summer even though I was at home.

Yup, I felt consumed with guilt when I popped my Oxbridge doctoral gown and bonnet on DS2 today for dressing up day, explaining how I got it and what a PhD was. Terrible example, that. Selfish career woman that I am and so on.

On a serious note, whats really worrying about jasmines post is the suggestion that if mothers are beating themselves up with angst ridden guilt, then its not quite so awful. If you feel terrible leaving your child then at least you get a few brownie points.

I didnt feel angst ridden about putting my children in childcare because :
A) we needed 2 incomes to feed, house and clothe our child
B) I enjoyed my job, had worked hard to get where I was and would no doubt have wanted to continue even if I didn't need to financially
C) because dh and I considered the childcare options carefully, tested them out and chose somewhere our child was secure, stimulated and happy.

So- no beating myself up, I just happily got on with it. Nice to know that I should really have felt terrible, wept over my child and thereby transmitted feelings of negativity to the child too.
You really are a piece of work Jasmine. You don't like women much do' you?

Oooh yes, and I'm just waiting to see the news so I can hear about the hordes of feral psychopathic children in Scandinavia, Spain and other countries where high-quality childcare is the norm. I can't wait to see them rampaging around their towns and villages, just like my two are doing now...

Oh, wait...