To consider giving our DC absolutely nothing for Christmas

[dramatrauma]

So this week DH asks, what do you think we should get the DC - ages 5 & 8 -for Christmas. (He likes to budget and plan ahead, the sensible man.) He says this just after I have had a good clean-out of the kids' toys, books and games. And you know what? I cannot think of one single thing they need. Or would really play with more than what they already own.

We are not wealthy, and I don't think the kids have overmuch stuff compared to their friends. But birthdays and Christmases and aunties and uncles and grandparents all pile it up. There's enough Lego in this house to build a small city, and furnish it. There are Barbies, Polly Pockets, card games, board games, art supplies, and enough books and DVDs to start a library. They have bicycles and scooters and footballs and dress-up clothes.

I am sick of having all this STUFF. And you know what it's like, there's always little bits of toys/games piling up somewhere, on a bedside table, on a desk, under the bed. I'm forever picking up something and thinking, now what did that belong with originally?

I really don't want to buy them any more stuff. And I don't want other people to give it to them either. AIBU? Or miserable?

Good thread, OP. I feel the same as you. Mine are younger, but I'm hitting the point where I and my friends have second DC, and when it comes to buying time I think - seriously? Now I'm buying not only plastic tat for the firstborns but also for the secondborns who would be just as bloody happy with the handmedown toys from the firstborns, so I'm just doubling the tat, and Christ now the incoming tat is doubling as well WHERE WILL IT END?

Ahem. So, appreciating the ideas on here. Riding lessons, comic/mag subscriptions, funky storage, all good. When I was primary school age I loved fancy stationery, there was no better present than colour coordinated pencils and erasers and things well, still isn't, really which I guess is the next step up from the finger paint kits I get my friends now, right?

YANBU

Purpletortoise I'm right with you there. My DCs appreciate Christmas as we spend the day together making our own crackers, then go to church and learn what Christmas really celebrates. We have a roast dinner together (not a massive feast, just a roast chicken, potatoes, parsnips and carrots). I do get a couple of presents for the DCs but they are not what the day is about.
I have yet to convince my DM that she should stop buying a mountain of tat for all occasions, we tend to keep most of it back for little celebrations like a school award or scout badge etc.

In that case, respect! :o

"I am worthy year-round"

Purpletortoise: "It's about cultivating gratitude, taking care of what we have, not always wanting more and more and more..."

Yes, I do agree - but - I think you have to accept two things; firstly, giving gifts at Christmas time is part of our culture for most people, and so by not doing it at all, you are making quite a drastic stand which your children may or may not appreciate.

Secondly, the desire to give (and receive) gifts is I think a very basic human impulse, and one that shouldn't be denied. I guess its about giving something from your catch/harvest in the good times to those who aren't doing so well.

The challenge then is to work with this really positive thing about human beings at a time in history when we have an excess of material goods.

Obviously that doesn't mean that I want to given anyone a mountain of plastic tat, but it does mean that it is nice to take something that I might do for my child anyway (eg riding lessons, new pyjamas) and add the 'ceremonial' aspect if you like to put it that way of gift giving.

Yabu and if you are 5 and 8, an "experience" isn't a present either, a present is something you can unwrap. Doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune buying piles of stuff, but books, board games, sweets, bubble bath, a nice blanket are good presents, if they already have the usual stuff like bikes etc.

YABU/YANBU I see where you are coming from, we have a huge family, and the kids have a lot. I also HATE the whole commercialised bandwagon that everyone jumps on at christmas/easter/halloween.
On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with a sensible amount of gifts. In our family, we try to make it more about being together at christmas.
It may not be to everyones taste, but our families now often just give the DCs money, so that they can put it together and buy something bigger that they want, (DD12 saved her christmas and birthday last year and bought herself a laptop, which is something that we could not afford to buy for her) then we add to this, and buy stocking presents.

The Three Kings brought gifts so it's not as if gift-giving has no place in the Christmas season [hsmile]

Please get together all the excess toys/art supplies/books/ etc and get them down to your chairty shop ASAP, then people who are not as fortunate as you can buy gifts for their children. Having worked for many years in a charity shop I know that at this time of year good clean toys etc sell very well.

i really hear you, and I feel the same way. I am def asking a few people that we have a "no gifts" agreement this xmas

but you cant get them nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can you start ebaying their existing toys to create more space and money, I got £7 for a bag of baby toys, better than nowt

One of the best things we got for Christmas was a blackboard- a huge one, on the wall. We were sent upstairs to get something after opening presents and there it was! Takes up no room and very useful :o

We feel the same and so are going to get a wooden plaything for the garden between the 3. Dd got a wooden sandpit for her birthday and they play in it every day that it's dry.
Yearly passes to a local attraction?
Dance/swimming classes
Craft box - stuff that gets used up so won't add to much to clutter
Redecorate bedrooms if needed?

If you think they won't be really upset it will be fine. Won't they?

This year all relatives are giving my DC money - the things they want are too expensive for one person to give. I've found that as they get older - they want less things but they get more pricey. DS2 (8) is still in love with piles of tat sadly and it is really only him that has the clutter now - and also the smallest room unfortunately . It does get better!

How about saying you're doing something different this Christmas, and instead of receiving, you are giving, of your time, and go and serve in a soup kitchen on Christmas Day/thereabouts?

We did this as kids (local children's hospital, sat with them, read to them, cuddled them - they were mostly alone! No family there!), and it honestly made a huge impact on me as a child. Even as an adult I am still doing this kind of thing, this year we are working in a soup kitchen, hence me suggesting this first off.

YANBU. Loads of good ideas on here. We are really toning it down this Christmas because DS was only 10mo last Christmas and it was already obscene. My 8yo nephew had an entire room full of presents and sat there ripping open present after present and stropped when he finished. It made me feel sick TBH and there is no way I want Christmas to be like that in our house . The things I remember about Christmas were eating chestnuts, the Christmas tree, staying up late for Midnight Mass, family meals, seeing the Christmas lights, setting up the nativity scene, watching The Grinch and Home Alone. I hardly remember the presents I got, except for Barbie carriage, which was ace :o

3 years ago, we went on holiday forChristmas to Egypt. We gave the children each an orange, a bag of chocolate coins, and a wind- up torch! They were very happy with them, and understood that they were in a poor country where children don't get much for Christmas. When they went back to school, a girl in DSs class said that she got a sewing machine for Christmas, and asked what DS got. He said he got a torch. She said that she would have cried if she only got a torch! He replied that he would have cried if he had got a sewing machine!! I was so proud!

There are absolutely loads of good ideas on here. The main one I'm going away with is: give very, very little at Xmas. A stocking if you have that tradition, and one pressie. Possibly something big that the DC split.

I honestly prefer - personally - to give them things now and then throughout the year. This is usually books or DVDs, but they always appreciate it more, because they weren't expecting it, and because it is only one thing to focus on.

I agree with other posters that it's the ripping open of gift after gift that gets me down. Our pile has always been half that of our extended family, and it was still too much stuff.

People seem to be saying YABU a lot but I think YANBU - perhaps instead of buying new toys, try helping each of them to make something - just one thing for each close person maybe - so that they learn to associate Christmas more with the idea of giving as opposed to buying? An 'alternative' view of Christmas isn't bad - though come Christmas morning/present time, if they are unaware of your plans, they might feel very upset or punished. It might affect them if they don't get/make anything and then see their schoolmates with lots of new toys iyswim?

YADNBU. Our DD will be nearly 2 at Christmas, we're not buying her any presents. She doesn't really play with toys, she has lots of books, plenty of clothes.

DH and I don't exchange gifts at Christmas either. We celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday but don't really "do" the commercial aspect of it.

Great idea, but even better to offer a day of your time "in lieu" of Christmas on a different date. Everyone wants to help on Christmas day but not the rest of the time!

"go and serve in a soup kitchen on Christmas Day/thereabouts?"

OP- YAabsofuckinlutelyNBU.

Let me share my utterly fabulous tho-I-say-it-myself christmas stocking idea:- if you live in/near London- go to the Natural History and Science Museums. Even my 13 yo spent a happy morning covering my fucking kitchen floor in plaster dust excavating a glow in the dark dinosaur

the stuff isn't cheap- but it's not toot, either. And the cash goes to the museums to boot

in fact my 8yos don't remember any of the other stuff they got last year- I know, I just asked them. Oh, and they loved getting Christmas jim jams. And the Advent candle we bought at a church for a couple of quid

[getting bit excited in spite of myself emoticon]

"And what a mad world we live in where we are counselled to have a big clear out of perfectly good toys so we can buy MORE?!"

Couldn't agree more - which is why I have decided to opt out of Christmas presents right from the start.

My mum bought my husband a family membership to the Historic Royal Palaces last year - you get entry to Tower of London, Kensington Palace (which is great as you can combine it with a trip to the Princess Diana memorial playground), Kew Palace, Hampton Court and one other which I can never remember. It was really worthwhile.

For Christmas last year we bought our girls a Wii - they've hardly used it (I bought the Wii fit, and I've hardly used that either .) I try to save things up which they need, like new bedding or dressing gowns for grandparents to buy them - particularly my dad who gives me money to buy stuff for them, but gets upset if they've nothing to actually 'open' in front of him.

This year we're buying them a membership to London Zoo (which gives you entry to Whipsnade as well) and will get some little stocking presents too.

I'm doing an NCT sale in a few weeks to rid us of the Barbie, Baby Annabel, Playmobil, Peppa Pig and Fifi mountains that have built up over the last 8 years and will put some of the money I raise in their savings accounts.

Another thing we like for presents is games we can play as a family - have you got Junior Monopoly? Or Uno? Both games children can start enjoying at quite a young age, but not too mind-numbing for the adults (particularly Uno, which is fab!).

"We already get them everything they need and then some as soon as the need presents itself, and I feel frankly when people think there cannot be magic without consumerist crap which is wrecking the planet (a mess that they will have to deal with when they grow up, btw, as we will be past it by then)"

I think I love you Discrete :D

Yabu it's a bit mean.