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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too not move in this cafe.

263 replies

toobreathless · 15/10/2011 20:33

First post in AIBU, just curious to hear what others think.

Had a lovely day wondering around a pretty local town. Time came to feed DD, who was getting a bit noisy. Went into the nearest cafe (there are about six) & sat down at a table to feed DD while DH got in the queue for drinks.

Had DD firmly attached when two ladies approached (in their 50s?). I was sat at a table for two. One said to me 'you will have to move we have already bought our drinks & have nowhere to sit.' Stunned, I looked up & realised this was true. I wasn't the only one 'saving' a table.

I politely suggested the ask the gentleman sat alone at a table of four if they could share. They gave me evil stares & swept off.

I feel a bit mean now. Was I BU?

OP posts:
mercibucket · 15/10/2011 21:37

they probably couldn't see you were bf, but they still sound rude and don't deserve to get their own way!

MilyP · 15/10/2011 21:37

Wow, I didn't realise this was a thing. Surely in a busy cafe you would only go in and order food if there was a table free which you could sit at. I have never even considered telling someone who has done this to move - they are customers too. Surely if you want someone to move it should be someone who has already eaten and finished and clearly has no plans to order any more

fedupofnamechanging · 15/10/2011 21:38

Her dh was in the process of buying food. Most cafe's wouldn't like it if whole families cluttered up the place by queueing together, rather than having some of them wait at a table. There are 6 of us in my family - if we all stood in line together, along with other groups of customers, we'd all be queueing out the door. It makes sense to get buggies and kids out of the way of people ordering food and walking about with trays of coffee etc.

pink4ever · 15/10/2011 21:38

All the people on here suggesting that if you are with a group of people you all queue? ha ha ha-and in doing so make the queue longer for everyone therefore pissing people off even more. Yeah good one.

You would all hate me as I have no compunction in nabbing tables or asking people to give up the comfy counches or share them with me if they are alone-if done with a smile they always respond positively.

MrsCampbellBlack · 15/10/2011 21:39

Mosschops - I personally could breastfeed whilst cooking dinner and standing on one leg Smile

But its just courtesy - perhaps you're not familiar with that concept. If I was stood with my lunch looking for someone to sit - I would ask a person to move who wasn't holding and feeding a baby over one who was. I fail to see how thats so yawnsome.

helpmabob · 15/10/2011 21:39

I dont agree with Mosschops' points of view but I don't understand what she has been reported for.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/10/2011 21:40

Quite a 'bullseye' for a first AIBU post, OP... BiscuitBiscuit Grin

KittyFane · 15/10/2011 21:40

Shelly you sound very angry. Don't take it personally, it's only MN.
Have a Brew and calm yourself.

[hhmm]

ToughTed · 15/10/2011 21:41

mosschops i dont even breastfeed, but even if the woman was bottlefeeding her baby, surly shes can do sitting down if she got the table first! as they were two ladys if they had of thought about it first one could of sat down at a table then they wouldnt of had the problem, i think a hungry baby takes priority over the old ladys getting ther caffine fix

pink4ever · 15/10/2011 21:41

mosschops suggesting someone is a moron because they dont agree with you is a personal attack and as such is not allowed. I never used to report such posts cos its all words on a screen blah blah blah but have had a fair few of my own deleted so whats good for the goose and all that....

QuinnFabray · 15/10/2011 21:42

I'm amazed at the hostility on this thread too. Nasty. OP, YANBU.

mosschops30 · 15/10/2011 21:42

mrscampbell i agree that if i had to choose to ask someone to move/to share i would pick the man rather thsn the bf woman out of courtesy.

What winds me up is the OP position that because she was bf she was right to hog a table

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 15/10/2011 21:43

I dislike it when people reserve tables in cafe's before they have their food.

But come on, the OP was feeding her baby and she wasn't the only one 'saving' a table. It sounds like they saw her as the easy target.

Totally agree with helpmabob, technically the women were right but it would be a miserable world if everyone were so concerned with being right that they couldn't afford to be generous or courteous once in a while too.

I'm probably entering an AIBU minefield but there are some people who do need to sit down first and the OP in this case was one of them.

QuinnFabray · 15/10/2011 21:44

Yeah, the moron comment was really offensive. And the assumption that everyone should be able to bf standing up, really ignorant.

pink4ever · 15/10/2011 21:44

mosschops-where did op say she had a right to the table because she was bf? that one has gone completely over my head.... she said took a table because her dh was queuing for the drinks and it was convenient for her to feed then, Bit different I think.

Kick2down · 15/10/2011 21:44

I don't get why OP shouldn't be sitting at a table while DH bought drinks, feeding baby or no. Walk into cafe, identify empty table, sit down, then off to counter to order food & drink. If there's no table, leave cafe and find another, or accept you'll be drinking your latte on the go. You don't tell another paying customer to shove off because you were unwilling or unable to sit down first.

And it is the height of rudeness to suggest that a woman who is breastfeeding an infant get up from her seat in anything other than a proper emergency. Honestly, who does that? Really very rude. YWNBU.

mosschops30 · 15/10/2011 21:44

Lol at you having a post of mine removed because youve had some of yours.

Am quite excited, have never had a post deleted.

Not sure you got the interpretation of the post right, but I'll go with it if it helps your cause

Sirzy · 15/10/2011 21:45

I agree wibbly

I really don't see why people are making an issue of people making sure they have a table BEFORE they go to order food. Common sense surely?

We went into a cafe today, noticed no tables so turned around and walked out. Why would we have queued for food to then discover we had nowhere to sit?

Mammonite · 15/10/2011 21:45

This is a bit of a recurrent theme but there's no answer, unless cafe has some policy posted up on notices.

It seems to get particularly fraught at places like M&S which are busy and frequented by fussy middle aged ladies eating alone, who don't have a chance of saving a table. So much so that one of our local ones has monitors to seat people and prevent fights breaking out.

I also have no compunction about asking to share a table where there is space - probably the table for four was the only one available when the person arrived at it. Once or twice I've even offered a seat to a person I could see was wandering about looking. It's so British to have this territorial loathing of your fellow human beings.

mosschops30 · 15/10/2011 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

fedupofnamechanging · 15/10/2011 21:46

Mosschops, I rarely bf in public - it did not come easily to me because I had the kind of boobs that leaked out of one while the baby was on the other (even breastshells filled up and overflowed quickly). I would not ask a bf mother to move, because I remember how hard it would have been for me to shift, once I'd started feeding.

I wouldn't ask a bottle feeding mother to move either, because once a baby has started on a bottle, it isn't nice for it to be interrupted.

I think these women saw her as a soft target, for whatever reason.

pink4ever · 15/10/2011 21:46

mosschops-no was actually being sarcastic there... I found your comment unnessacarily aggressive really. Why so nasty?

MrsCampbellBlack · 15/10/2011 21:47

Gosh - makes you yearn for the days of waitress service really Wink

Tis madness when going for a coffee becomes such a stressful experience.

QuinnFabray · 15/10/2011 21:47

Yes, Moron IS offensive! Dur.

mosschops30 · 15/10/2011 21:49

Because the x factor thread is very boring tonight Grin and you all get so het up on bf threads, and as this one has a few extras in such as cafe/table/old ladeez i thought it would be worth it.
Beats the usual 'i dobt understamd why people wouldnt bf' threads

Swipe left for the next trending thread