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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too not move in this cafe.

263 replies

toobreathless · 15/10/2011 20:33

First post in AIBU, just curious to hear what others think.

Had a lovely day wondering around a pretty local town. Time came to feed DD, who was getting a bit noisy. Went into the nearest cafe (there are about six) & sat down at a table to feed DD while DH got in the queue for drinks.

Had DD firmly attached when two ladies approached (in their 50s?). I was sat at a table for two. One said to me 'you will have to move we have already bought our drinks & have nowhere to sit.' Stunned, I looked up & realised this was true. I wasn't the only one 'saving' a table.

I politely suggested the ask the gentleman sat alone at a table of four if they could share. They gave me evil stares & swept off.

I feel a bit mean now. Was I BU?

OP posts:
thesurgeonsmate · 16/10/2011 11:20

All hail the aubergines post really made me laugh, particularly since the story did have such a happy ending. If this had been me, I would not have handled it so well. It would all have been "Excuse me, would you mind sharing? SHARING, I SAID! S H A R I N G." "OK, Look I think I will try and move without unlatching the baby, my husband will get all this stuff." "Hun! HUN! H U N!" "Would you mind trying to attract his attention, that's him in the blue coat" "Excuse me, sorry, just trying to move here without unlatching the baby." "Yes, if you wouldn't mind" "Thanks so much" "No, not at all" "Just the blue bag..." "Is this yours?" "She should be fine!" etc etc.

BimboNo5 · 16/10/2011 11:20

I love how certain posters have turned this into a 'you just have a complex because you didn't bf/you have hang ups with bf'eeding'
Hmm very odd.

TheRealTillyMinto · 16/10/2011 11:21

going back to the OP: it depends on how busy the cafe is. i have no problem waiting for a seat while one family sat down, maybe an old couple do the same thing....

but i have been in cafes where most other customers have a reason to save seats. then it does not work as you have people sitting in seats waiting for food & poeple with food waiting for seats.

if you have greater need, other should cut you some slack but it only goes so far.

Original poster
toobreathless · 16/10/2011 11:25

Woollyideas: the ladies age has nothing to do with, I only included it as had they been older I would probably have given them the table, as I give up my seat on buses etc.

Apologies for any accidental ageism: it was not intended.

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 16/10/2011 13:10

mrsbaggins do you mean your name change? Ive never been anything other than mosschops!

This is such a silly thread, but was fun last night when nothing else going on.

Some people get upset so eadily Smile

runningwilde · 16/10/2011 13:22

Pot kettle black to mosschops... you were the one last night displaying very odd posts that seem to reveal huge hangups about bf... Just because the op mentions bf it doesn't mean she was saying she felt superior it was parting her story. You have shown massive insecurities about bf through your posts - you need to calm down love

Still find the nasty attitudes about sitting down before purchasing baffling... I see it happen all the time and so what?!

MollyTheMole · 16/10/2011 13:32

Not read all of thread but YANBU

I always save a table (as does everyone I know (I thought most people did this when there is more than one of you??) when I go to a cafe and the other person gets the drinks, baby or no baby. Id probably laugh in the face of anyone who said Id have to move because they already had their drinks.

HairyToe · 16/10/2011 13:39

I hate situations like this. To be honest I can see both sides

  1. If you go into a cafe with 2 or 3 small children, buggy, bags of shopping etc. It is tricky (not impossible) to queue up with everyone and everything and then find a table and transport all stuff, kids and laden down tray to free table, or even worse hang about with all said stuff, kids, tray waiting for free table. Also I have been out with elderly Father who would be uncomfortable standing in the queue and by the time we have stopped for refreshments is shattered and really needs to sit down.
  1. However completely get argument that its unfair for larger groups of people to come in after people on their own who are already in queue and bagsy tables.

Really think its the cafe management call to organise, publicise and 'enforce' fair system to ensure its customers have somewhere to sit and can easily order their food and drinks. Eg - find table first with table number on, bring table number to till when ordering

Be nice to think this wouldn;t be necessary but in practice society needs rules as peoples' ideas on moral conduct/fairness differ wildly. As proved by this thread.

Agree by the way that breastfeeding would hopefully mean people would cut you some slack, as I hope that people would do for me when seating said elderly Father first. Not always the case with everyone though.

mosschops30 · 16/10/2011 13:44

Lol at bf insecurities Grin

MrsBaggins · 16/10/2011 14:04

Yes mosschops I did mean my name change !
Although I did notice you were called misschops and porkchop on this thread if you fancy a namechange Grin

NellieForbush · 16/10/2011 15:02

woollyideas the age of the women would have been relevant if they had been elderly as people could have argued that they needed the seat. The OP just described the scene a little. Obviously their race would have been totally irrelevant and I don't see how you can draw any parallel.

Comparing this to racism is frankly absurd!

ilovesooty · 16/10/2011 15:17

Comparing this to racism is frankly absurd

Not necessarily if people are referring to the women using their age to describe them in abusive terms. To refer to someone as middle aged and to describe them as miserable old hags is very different.

RustyBear · 16/10/2011 15:31

It wasn't the OP who was being ageist, though she could have been a little clearer as to why she was mentioning their age (which is why I asked why it was relevant in my first post) It was the subsequent posters who referred to 'nasty old harpies' spiteful old women etc.

yellowraincoat · 16/10/2011 15:36

Have to say that people taking tables before they've got their food is one of my pet hates. Really selfish behaviour.

Bit different if you're breast feeding, I guess. Still a bit unfair though.

ilovesooty · 16/10/2011 15:40

It wasn't the OP who was being ageist, though she could have been a little clearer as to why she was mentioning their age (which is why I asked why it was relevant in my first post) It was the subsequent posters who referred to 'nasty old harpies' spiteful old women etc

Exactly.

cherrysodalover · 16/10/2011 15:43

Moss chops glad to make you laugh.
Is it possible that people who see a woman breastfeed at a table before her drink arrives pick on her rather than someone else because of their lack of sensitivity towards someone feeding a baby in that way.....not much easier to move even if you are bottle-feeding a baby.......is it possible they have issues.
Yes it is.probably notbthe main reason they asked her to move but it may well have enhanced their indignation as it may the posters on here who are so adamant she should have moved.
Glad to hear no issues with the posters who think op was indeed in the wrong.
Issues are so tiring for those who have to deal with those that have them,especially over something so natural.
Anyone who has breastfed has experienced odd disapproving looks from a small ignorant contingent of the population.is it possible the fact the op was doing this added to the ladies indignation.
Yes.
Is she being agist?no
She was establishing the ages in case someone asked if they were elderly and clearly 50s is not.

Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 16/10/2011 15:49

so now we have to imaging the ladies in the op were anti BF.
couldn't be that they wanted a 2 seater table so asked someone who was siting at one without paid for food to move.
but good old agist mn makes it all abut them being over 50, cos of course no one over 50 has ever breast fed, and myst be anti BF. normal bollocks.
mn really should do something about the agism on mn, oh hang on they won't care.

LifeIsButtercream · 16/10/2011 15:51

YANBU - I'm sure everyone in the cafe would have objected more if you had queued with your DP while wielding a screaming, hungry baby - if I was in your shoes I would have done the same.

As a rule I don't agree with table-bagging - but there are exceptional circumstances and you were in one!

CardyMow · 16/10/2011 21:38

I always send the dc to get a table while I queue for the food. And if anyone asked my dc to move - they would not get very far as my dc will have been told not to talk to people they don't know...

Why on earth is it bad manners? The old ladies could have done the same thing - one queued for the food, the other getting a table. If they want a table so badly, they should divide and conquer! Forgive me for being,erm, uncultured, but surely Cafe tables are first come first served, so if there is someone there already, it's tough tits, and you have to wait for a table to become free?

Confused
Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 16/10/2011 21:44

ffs over 50 is not old
I do wish the young brats on here would realise this

CardyMow · 16/10/2011 21:53

Sorry - I posted before reading properly, didn't see to start with that the women were in teir 50's rather than old ladies.

Not interested in the BF argument - that's irrelevant. The LADIES that told the OP to move were not there first, and the cafe tables are first come first served. No fucking way would I have moved for them. Not even if they'd asked rather than demanded. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE HENCE THE DIVIDE AND CONQUER of one person queuing, one person grabbing a table. They could have done the same thing, but chose not to. Why should I suffer not having a table just because they didn't get someone in their group to grab one?

rivig · 16/10/2011 21:55

A. they were rude
B. could they tell you were feeding baby?
C. Cafes like this annoy me no end and I refuse to purchase their produce they keep selling and expect people to struggle finding a seat and have to deal with impolite human beings.

I would have just gone to the car to feed baby or if no other option shame you couldn't have given them a good squirt as you struggle to show who is the better person Grin

ShellyBoobs · 16/10/2011 21:55

I pointed out that runningwilde's post calling the ladies 'spiteful old women' and 'nasty old harpies' was disgusting.

My post was deleted.

Oh well, as someone else has said, it seems that on MN, ageism is acceptable and anyone who is BF is beyond reproach. Sad

CardyMow · 16/10/2011 21:58

And for all you that are saying 'what about a person on their own' - what about grabbing a table and putting a bag or coat on there? 99% of cafes you can see all the tables from the queue anyway, so no worries about it getting stolen. I have done this myself on the very rare occasions that I have not had either a friend or any of the older 3 dc with me.

ilovesooty · 16/10/2011 22:52

I pointed out that runningwilde's post calling the ladies 'spiteful old women' and 'nasty old harpies' was disgusting. My post was deleted

Really??

Oh well, as someone else has said, it seems that on MN, ageism is acceptable

Evidently.