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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit shocked at how "mainstream" anal sex has become between couples?

246 replies

Scaredconfusedexcited · 14/10/2011 11:37

for the record i'm not a prude or against it in anyway.

I'm just shocked about how much more everyone seems to talk about it now, there seems to have been such a change in attitudes about it.

Until recently everyone seemed to think it was a bit "dirty" or "naughty" but now all my friends seem to be falling overthemselves to discuss it and I have even seem references to it on this morning the last few days.

Do you think Keith Lemmon and his smashing back doors in is to blame?

OP posts:
mumofbumblebea · 14/10/2011 13:19

surely if you agreed to the backdoor there would only be something new they would want to try a couple of months down the line anyway...

ScapeGoat · 14/10/2011 13:19

I blame the porn industry. Its prevalent in porn, so men (and women) watch it and feel it is a normal part of a sex life and want to try it out. If a woman can't do double penetration, then she clearly is not much of a 'lay' Hmm.

Strange how some men are desperate to try anal with their wives but would run a mile if anything bigger than a tongue were to go anywhere near their bumhole...

GetDerridaThePeskyLurkers · 14/10/2011 13:21

Yes it is pervasive

it makes some people feel they ought to be doing it

it's become normalised. I think it's awful.

Moominsarescary · 14/10/2011 13:23

I don't like it but each to their own, I've got friends who admit to enjoying it

Milchardo · 14/10/2011 13:24

Grin at "Bagpiping"

Pagwatch · 14/10/2011 13:26

Yes. I think it is the porn industry. Also responsible for young women being increasingly ashamed of their body hair. I am with Caitlin Moran on that. All about the money shots but so many young people are starting to think that it is normal

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 14/10/2011 13:28

Shock at the wartime armpit sex! More of an armed raid than an air raid!

ScarahStratton · 14/10/2011 13:28

I like it

fortyplus · 14/10/2011 13:33

Right... I'm all middle aged and sensible and don't do anything because it's 'fashionable'. But we've tried it - I certainly wouldn't discuss it with rl friends (who think I'm a bit weird for bothing with mn as we're all so old and they think it's full of people with young babies).

Look away now if you're likely to be offended...

...Don't do it doggy fashion unless your dp has a willy the size of a French Bean.

Make sure you've emptied your bowels beforehand (obvious I would've thought).

Use loads of lube - and then some more.

Don't do it regularly unless you want a slack bum that lets out wet farts when you grow old. (Last piece of advice from gay male friend who says preconceived ideas that gay blokes are only into bumsex is a load of bollox).

mumofbumblebea · 14/10/2011 13:33

ScarahStratton i commend you for your honesty

fortyplus · 14/10/2011 13:33

oops - *bothering with mn

slhilly · 14/10/2011 13:34

In addition to pornification, I'm sure at least some of the reason that it's become more discussed is that, thankfully, homophobia has died away dramatically in the last decade. A large part of the homophobic atmosphere that used to be created was the idea that anal sex was a filthy thing - it was an easy justification for beating gay men up. As the prejudice against gay men has lessened, so there is less pejorative discussion of anal sex, and so people are more willing to try it out.

bumpsnowjustplump · 14/10/2011 13:34

One way here as well no way is anything going up there Grin !! Isnt it dangerous as well? I could be so wrong on that one but sure I heard it somewhere!!

fortyplus · 14/10/2011 13:35

ps we've done it about half a dozen times since first try about 10 years ago. Twice I've had an orgasm whist doing it.

dh thinks it's overrated

PeggyCarter · 14/10/2011 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortyplus · 14/10/2011 13:39

bumpsnowjustplump - absolutely! Unlike a fanjo your bum is not designed for sex. Hence lube and go gently. But if you don't like the sound of it don't do it. I thought it was fun to try but haven't done it for ages and don't intend to. Dh thought it was interesting - didn't particularly like ahaving to use a condom but that's another 'must' apparently.

lashingsofbingeinghere · 14/10/2011 13:43

Not sure about anal sex, but I remember reading in the letters page of Mayfair or similar how one woman gave her husband a good time with "ear sex". I kid you not. She claimed he had such a a tiny penis that it could be inserted into her ear.

Coitus with her ear canal "never failed to bring my DH and me to a very satisfying climax".

Bet it made her teeth rattle though Grin.

bumpsnowjustplump · 14/10/2011 13:54

oh my word ear sex... How on earth can she get climax from that? wouldn't it be like inserting a cotton bud??? and how small would he have to be Shock

lashingsofbingeinghere · 14/10/2011 13:57

bumps - all very good questions, but I have no answers... perhaps the wife had unfeasibly large ears? Or her parents had told her her fanny was called an ear and she is simply very confused?

Moominsarescary · 14/10/2011 13:58

Ear sex? Thankfully dp is too big for that.

I have a friend who tried bum sex with a new partner and shat on him

MrsMooo · 14/10/2011 13:59

I have to agree it's pornification, combined with more relaxed attitudes to sex in general and discussing sex

That said, I have only ever had very drunk discussions about it with close friends

Tried it once a long time ago with my then partner, didn't enjoy it (the telly was on and I became very engrossed in an episode of DS9) but didn't find it painful but in was mildly uncomfortable and I won't be doing it again

Forty, firstly ROLF@french bean and interesting that your DH thinks it's overrated -I wonder if more men were open and honest about what it was really like (lots of prep/lube/faff) as opposed to the porn view if it'd be as desirable in potential partners

I find the whole fashion to be "up for anything" really depressing, if you want a fourway with another couple and double penetration then whoop-de-fucking-do for you, but really there's nothing wrong with being a bit "vanilla" in your sexual preferences, why does it all need to be all singing all dancing hanging from the chanderliers these days -sigh-

I do also wonder if a lot of the I'll take it up the bum/do whatever/be totally open to anything, is actually naff all to do with the womans enjoyment of these activities and more about the subjegation of women that pushes them futher down the path of just being sexual objects whose only purpose in life is to do whatever their male partners want in order to gratify their own fantasies and desires... Advertising that they will do whatever's required of them to "please" their man Sad but that's another rant for another thread

Disclaimer:I'm not saying that everyone is doing it to please their partner and I totally get that many women enjoy and instigate the introduction of bumsex into their sexlives

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 14/10/2011 13:59

I'm off for coffee at a friends house soon. There will be 5 of us there plus offspring, and I shall be raising this topic - our conversations to date have been far too dull, as I don't know if any of them have anal sex.

Actually, now I think of it, I don't really want to know.

eurochick · 14/10/2011 13:59

This thread was on 69 when I clicked on it. I just thought I should mention that.

bumpsnowjustplump · 14/10/2011 14:00

lashings I have just spat coffee everywhere at your last post.. so so funny! I am going to look at the next lady I see with larger than average ears with a new respect now!

Nowtspecial · 14/10/2011 14:04

What's next, nasal sex ?