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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a romantic "surprise" should at least be attempted when proposing?

87 replies

CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:19

Recently DP has made it very plain that he wants to propose, wants to get married and have children with me.

So far so good.

However, he's so excited about the whole thing that he keeps saying he's going to propose "soon" and when I say "oh yes?" he sort of winks and says "sooner than you think!". So I think, ok, bless him he's really excited, I'll try not to get too hung up on where and when and just go with the flow...

Now he is asking me for hints and advice as to how to go about it. As in, do you get the ring beforehand or choose it together? Does he have to go down on one knee? How does he know the size of ring? etc etc.

AIBU to at least hope for some sort of romantic surprise?

I'm not talking a balloon trip over the Eiffel Tower, but at the moment I feel like saying "forget it! I'll just get myself a ring when I'm in town on Saturday and save you the bother!"

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 13/10/2011 20:21

I think you dream too much, most people nowadays make a joint decision to get married, there is no proposing. It's discussed, you go out and get the ring together and go from there.

AbbyAbsinthe · 13/10/2011 20:21

I'm very happy for you Grin - however, this would drive me mad! Even if it's not particularly romantic, it's not down to you to tell him what to do.... Tell him to ask someone else what he needs to do Shock

ScaredBear · 13/10/2011 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnaisB · 13/10/2011 20:23

No YANBU! It would annoy me too - tell him to ask someone else for advice - or surprise him and propose yourself.

AbbyAbsinthe · 13/10/2011 20:24

Nonsense, Fabby. I know lots of engaged couples, and I don't know a single one of them that didn't have some sort of nice proposal story to tell.

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:24

No proposing Fabby? Sad.

In my world there is going to damn well be some proposing! Grin

That's exactly what I said Abby! even if he asks me when we're briushing our teeth (which incidentally I think would be dead romantic!) I don't want to have to say "why don't you ask me while we're brushing our teeth?" Smile

OP posts:
ScarahStratton · 13/10/2011 20:24

Aww he's just excited. And maybe a little nervous. Tis a big thing, the old proposal, must be very scary being a man and having to do that. Or woman. Obviously.

Just let him do it his way, and be happy. :)

TakeThisOneHereForAStart · 13/10/2011 20:26

Maybe it's all a double bluff.

Let your sister or your best friend loose on him to give him some advice, then it will still be a surprise for you.

I turned down the man who proposed by surprise in front of the jewellers window (at Christmas) and I broke up with the one who thought that £50 was an excessive amount to pay for a ring (but not because of that, because he told me his mother didn't work or speak to men and he thought that was important in a wife Hmm

I married the man who made a total balls up of his planned surprise proposal but who asked sincerely (and did it over the phone with no ring in sight) because he was 'the one' and the fancy bits didn't matter with him.

I've never really understood the point of "proposing soon" or "we're getting engaged on my birthday" really.

AbbyAbsinthe · 13/10/2011 20:26

You've summed it up right there, Cup - romance can be in the most unlikely of places, but you don't want to have to lead him by the hand. You could propose instead though.....

BabyMama212 · 13/10/2011 20:26

I've got a lovely fiancé who blindfolded me, drove me to the place we'd had our first date and proposed to me on Valentines Day.

...And this is a man who says "I have a surprise for you", burps and then blows it in my face... so there's hope for your man yet!

Kayano · 13/10/2011 20:26

My husband
Proposed to me exactly a year to the day after our first date...

Shame he had no idea, what I thought was a planned romantic surprise turned out to be a strange coincidence...
Turned out he had only decided to propose that day because it fell between my birthday and our holiday and he thought I would never suspect it! I never did Grin

scottishmummy · 13/10/2011 20:27

prgamtaically just tell him get on with it
the big discussiion is finances,expectations of marriage,childcare when kids come, will you sahm or not,joint responsibilities, attitude to schooling etc

the big ta da and wedding romance is all inconsequential froth. dont get swept along in all that bridie consumer rubbish and fret about seating plans

have the big serious conversation about stuff that really matters.all the enjoyable stuff you do,planning being parents,the fun of trying to be parents

AbbyAbsinthe · 13/10/2011 20:27

My exh proposed by text. It sounds shit, but we met by text, so it was very fitting at the time Smile

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:30

Grin at babymama. I'm not a lol kind of girl, but that made me lol Smile

I honestly don't care where or when, I don't care if there's a ring or not, I don't care if he gets down on one knee. I just want a bloody surprise!!

Oh I did manage to slip into the conversation that he should maybe "ask the person's friend or something" what kind of ring "the person" would like.

My BF is prepped and ready Grin

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 13/10/2011 20:30

met by text?interesting-hows that work

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:32

scottishmummy there's absolutely no danger of me going "bridal" - I've told him if there's more than 15 people there I'm not coming Grin

And I look like Death in white...

OP posts:
mamas12 · 13/10/2011 20:32

Well you copuld start saying things like I wonder what my answer will be, how I will answer, WHEN I will answer yadda yadda
V. annoying - are you sure about this op...

scottishmummy · 13/10/2011 20:33

haha going bridal great expression like a frenzy of organza and bared teeth

NinkyNonker · 13/10/2011 20:33

Oh bless him. DH proposed on our 1 year anniversary, on his knees in the living room as I was putting my make up on ready for dinner out. He had booked a lovely meal etc at a surprise venue but then decided he would rather do it in private.

We then went and got sloshed on champagne.

He did try to ruin the romance by saying he went in to buy a piece of jewellery for our anniversary and saw the rings, figured "what the hell, I'll end up marrying her at some point" so went ahead and bought one. After a few different shops for comparison I ended up with the picture of perfection I have now. Bless him.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 13/10/2011 20:34

YANBU

It's a real bummer when the proposer takes the proposee to a resturant (his favourite not mine) and shoves the ring across the table in it's box and mutters the following: "so you wanna get married or not then?" Hmm Aaah such romantic sentiment....

And yes that's my engagement story. We're still together. But we aint getting married. I have since proposed to him that we never, ever bother with the whole boring business Grin and I did it in a much more romantic way too!

scottishmummy · 13/10/2011 20:34

i went to a v cool wedding bride wore black,she looked stunning

Arachnophobic · 13/10/2011 20:37

My step-dad proposed to my mum at the tip.

He denies it saying that it was at a reservoir adjacent to the tip but mum says it's was def the tip.

They are divorced now Grin

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:38

When I was younger I used to say I'd get married in red. Now I think its more likely to be jeans and wellies....

OP posts:
AbbyAbsinthe · 13/10/2011 20:38

He sent me a text by accident, from 200 miles away.. We struck up a flirty thing, and carried on texting and calling for the next 3 months before we met. We had never even exchanged pictures. And then we fell in love and got married - and now 8 years later we're getting divorced Grin

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:39

Grin @ Arachnophobic.

Did he think the reservoir adjacent to the tip was going to be any more romantic than the tip??

OP posts: