Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a romantic "surprise" should at least be attempted when proposing?

87 replies

CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:19

Recently DP has made it very plain that he wants to propose, wants to get married and have children with me.

So far so good.

However, he's so excited about the whole thing that he keeps saying he's going to propose "soon" and when I say "oh yes?" he sort of winks and says "sooner than you think!". So I think, ok, bless him he's really excited, I'll try not to get too hung up on where and when and just go with the flow...

Now he is asking me for hints and advice as to how to go about it. As in, do you get the ring beforehand or choose it together? Does he have to go down on one knee? How does he know the size of ring? etc etc.

AIBU to at least hope for some sort of romantic surprise?

I'm not talking a balloon trip over the Eiffel Tower, but at the moment I feel like saying "forget it! I'll just get myself a ring when I'm in town on Saturday and save you the bother!"

OP posts:
peggotty · 13/10/2011 20:39

I had a pragmatic 'well, shall we just get married? Oh ok then' type of arrangement when I was pg with dd, and although I agree with this approach in general (we also had an extremely minimal wedding i.e us and 2 witnesses in the Scottish highlands) part of me wishes that i'd at least had a slightly romantic, bit-of-a-surprise proposal. Definitely don't regret the minimal wedding though.

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 20:41

Minimal weddings are the way forward I think, peggotty.

I'd like it to be just the two of us but my DM would never forgive me...

OP posts:
LizaTarbucksNonSmokingAuntie · 13/10/2011 20:43

weeeel my dp pitched up with a ring and proposed in the front room just before we went to collect littlemad from school.

It was perfect for us and he did it because he wanted littlemad to be the first person we told.

It wasn't a big romantic gesture, but it was the perfect way for him to do it for us. FWIW I think that's the thing that makes it right, it being the right thing for you, some people might love that big gesture thing...

LikeABlackFlameCandleBNQ · 13/10/2011 20:45

We planned to put the Christmas Tree up then have a Kebab (classy). DH or DP at the time bought me a bauble, to hang on the tree, and there it was, tucked inside. Frigging gorgeous (the moment, though the ring was pefect too).

Had Kebabs for tea, but drank Champagne with them (in keeping with the classiness afterall)

He did very well with the ring. I'd mentioned to my Aunt I always wanted a navy blue sapphire. Not fussed about the diamonds. He searched high and low. It was at least a year before Prince William used his Mothers sapphire to propose, and once he'd done that the shops were full of them! DH was cursing the timing Grin

peggotty · 13/10/2011 20:47

Actually it did piss off my mum and sister slightly Blush. Probably because I had my other sister and her dh as our witnesses. We very nearly made it our friends as witnesses but decided on my other sister as I'd been witness at her wedding. If I could do it again the only thing I'd change would be having friends as witnesses NOT family. If I'd been on MN at the time I'm certain that someone would have informed me that dsis as witness was a baaaaaad idea!!

whackamole · 13/10/2011 21:19

YAB a bit U. He wants to sound you out first, and find out what you expect. How will he know unless you have told him? He doesn't want it to be a disappointment.

I always said to OH that if he proposed I would rather he did it without a ring, as I am picky and have massive fingers would rather choose a ring we both totally love. This is what we did, but only after I proposed to him last leap year.

TartyMcFarty · 13/10/2011 21:29

My DH tried to get me to go for a walk to my favourite spot, where he intended to (and I'd always secretly hoped he'd) propose. Unfortunately for him, even though we'd discussed it and I knew it was imminent, I just hadn't twigged, so I'd persuaded my mum to go with us, then I went upstairs to her room to put my walking boots on.

He followed me upstairs and blurted out 'I can't wait anymore - will you marry me?' We never did go on the walk!

redwineformethanks · 13/10/2011 21:30

Sounds to me as though he is just anxious to get the moment "just right" which is touching.

More romantic than our engagement - "You're pregnant, wow that'll move us on a bit", "Do you think we'll end up getting married?" "Yes I guess so" "So is it OK if I tell people I'm engaged, cos my boss was a bit funny about me having a baby when I'm not married?"

You may be surprised to know that was just within the last few years. Sounds like it was back in Victorian times.

caramelwaffle · 13/10/2011 21:31

scottishmummy - "haha going bridal great expression like a frenzy of organza and bared teeth" I love this Grin

Georgimama · 13/10/2011 21:32

I'm going to sound really crap and not in the spirit of the thread but if he has already voiced his wish for the two of you to get married, and you have indicated that you are willing, then you are engaged. You don't need some weird contrived "proposal" situation.

ChippingIn · 13/10/2011 21:38

Ah bless.

Bloody annoying though when what you want is a nice surprise!! Grin

I'm like that, I'd rather have a really small present that's a surprise than a really big present I know I'm getting - I love good surprises!

OryxCrake · 13/10/2011 21:38

I'm sort of with Georgimama on this one, although I get that you would like a romantic proposal from him.

You could just propose to him instead...

TheGhostOfMrsWembley · 13/10/2011 21:50

You want romantic? How about approximately 12 hours after the birth of DC1, after a very traumatic day, spent mostly alone whilst DP goes off shopping (Biscuit) for baby stuff, and with no real sleep for about 3 days...

'So, I suppose we'd better get married then?'

I can't remember my exact reply but I'm fairly certain it was positive as we're still engaged. Grin

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 13/10/2011 21:59

For some reason I'm just not up for the idea of proposing to him...

I think that, although I'm not really and hearts-and-flowers fairy princess type (and I don't mean that judgily!) I always just sort of thought I'd be asked, even if its just a random brushing-your-teeth moment.

I suppose I'm just unwilling to give up on the "saying yes" experience...

And he'll definitely ask, so its not like if I don't ask, I don't get, iyswim...

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 13/10/2011 23:38

I agree with Georgimama. You've agreed to get married, that's engaged. What you're missing is the presentation of a ring in a "romantic" setting. Why do you need that? To tell your friends? Hmm

Start planning the wedding you want instead!

scottishmummy · 13/10/2011 23:41

cut the whimsy romantic keech.talk about the big stuff
kids
school
working

minimisschief · 14/10/2011 00:51

i did it on xmas day. i spent hours making the lights on the tree say marry me the night before

totally went over her head as i did a fantastic crap job of the lights

also the ring got lost in the post because i had to order a bigger size the shop didn't have, had to get a refund and geta smaller one then take it back to get the right size again.

my point is that the whole romantic proposal nearly gave me serious medical problems due to stress lol and should be banned as a tradition.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 14/10/2011 03:41

DH just came out with it. We'd been together a couple of months and were out in London for dinner and walking back to Waterloo across the Thames. It was rather picturesque being December and all lit up but that was purely by chance. It was so low key that I thought it was just general conversation about whether I wanted to get married rather than wanted to get married IYSWIM and I had to double check a bit later!

lollilou · 14/10/2011 05:58

AbbyAbsinthe I went aww until the last sentence!
My DH did the whole romantic thing down on one knee it was lovely.
A proposal is something you can tell your kids about. The big conversations can wait till after.
CupofBrownjoy please come back after and tell us all about it.

ZonkedOut · 14/10/2011 06:23

Another non romantic tale here. He lived in Scotland and I lived in Hertfordshire, so only saw each other at weekends. That weekend, my sister and her BF and 2 kids were visiting too and stayed much later than planned.

So, just after they left, with about 5 minutes before the taxi was due to pick me up to take me to the airport, he gave me a little box and said something like, "So, shall we then?" Then proceeded in telling me all the technical details about the ring, and how he had been careful to get a good colour and cut diamond (all the CS) which I wasn't really that bothered by, it was pretty!

Oh and Cup, my dress was off-white with red trim and train, not exactly getting married in red, but a little different and I loved it.

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 14/10/2011 06:23

of course, I wouldn't even be thinking about proposals unless we'd talked about the "big stuff" and knew we were singing from the same hymn sheet, as it were...

I'll report back!

I love hearing everyone's stories. I suppose I just want a story of my own, even if its "he proposed at the tip!" Grin

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDeementedDead · 14/10/2011 06:49

Awww, bless him.

Last Christmas Manshape was stuck as to what to buy me. So he asked if i'd like some jewellery, some earrings or a ring perhaps. I told him that the only ring i wanted from him was one that actually meant something, and not 'Happy Christmas' He was quite taken aback, but took me to the jewellers, got my ring size and then shoo'ed me away.

He proposed amongst the wrapping paper and general chaos that was Christmas morning Smile

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 14/10/2011 06:59

Grin I think it's sweet.

I remember The Proposal. It went something like this - we met. He moved in that night. About a week later-

him "we might get married if we're still together in a year"
me "oooh, why wait?"
him "ok."
me "yeah?"
him "yeah."
me "ok"

appt at registry office soon followed. Where we paid the deposit and he thumbed towards me and said to the registrar (well, to me. He was looking at the registrar but he was playing with me) "it's amazing how much you can get for £20 these days" (I'm a big girl Grin) Bastard! Grin

and we were married in the March. 3 months after we first met

That was 13 years ago.

It's been.... interesting Grin getting to know someone after you're married to them Grin

MrsHoarder · 14/10/2011 09:37

You could just say "I've always wanted a romantic suprise" and leave him to it. Of course this only really works if you're not waiting for it; otherwise there's a risk that every romantic opportunity is a disappointment if he doesn't propose.

Worked much better for me, I was thinking maybe we could talk about marriage in a year or so... and was expecting the suprise my husband was getting for me (in a pretty romantic location) to be chocolate not a ring!!!

valiumredhead · 14/10/2011 09:41

God, that would drive me nuts! I'm with fabby on this one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread