To think that brides that go on about my day, its all about me and I am a princess abu?

[lesley33]

I understand that all brides want to look beautiful at their wedding and want their wedding to be a special day. But a wedding is about 2 people making a public commitment together. It feels like some brides almost forget the groom in their wish to be a princess for the day. A wedding isn't a walt disney production ffs, it is about both the bride and groom coming together.

Oh and by the way. I don't think there are many adult brides that 'actually' want to be princesses.

Have you ever seen don't tell the bride? Lols.

I think it's not so much about money etc, it's more of a question of people losing sight of the reason they are doing what they are: ie to get married, and becoming nasty bridezillas as a result.

Like when you see it on don't tell the bride and they stress massively over details ("I won't marry him if I hate the dress/flowers/ornaments!! It's MY DAY!!!") that in the end they admit aren't important, it's the getting married that is, and in spite of their declarations, they love everything and have a fab day. ( Serious - one bride was adamant she wouldn't have red bridesmaid dresses and he picked red and she loved them in the end).

We were at a wedding like this a couple weeks ago. During the speeches, everyone who helped was thanked for making it the day that the bride had always dreamed of, the bride's special day. There was no mention of the groom whatsoever. Plus they went into huge debt for the whole affair. The groom is a friend of ours and was railroaded into all this by the bride. It all made me feel a bit ill tbh. I felt it was wrong to be there, considering how we all felt about the bride.

Sorry, my second message disappeared and my first was reposted.

The point I was trying to make us that the spoilt princess thing is not about money, it's about attitude.

You can have a big, expensive wedding that is not a tacky me-fest, and you can have a small, supposedly laid back affair that is all about the b&g imposing their will on their "guests".

As for "being able to afford" to be a princess for a day - if the price of your own self-respect and the contempt of your guests seems worth paying, then I guess that is up to you.

It is hard to imagine that shallowness won't have an impact on your subsequent marriage, but hopefully you've chosen a similarly tacky spouse.

But surely they pick twats for that programme because it makes good viewing. I'm sure it's half staged anyway. Funny how the DP always does exactley the opposite of what the bride wants.

Fair enough, some people do get Bridezilla-ish over silly details. But I fail to see anything wrong with wanting to look beautiful and feel like a million dollars with all your loved ones having an amazing time.

It doesn't matter if that costs you £1000 or £100000

YANBU

My sister is a florist and does lots of weddings. She is totally sick of the brides who harp on and on, for months on end, sometimes years, about the tiniest detail of buttonholes. At a recent wedding fair she did, we noticed just how scunnered ( hacked off and worried ) the brides mums looked. I think they are beyond bored of the two year production and worried at the huge expense.

If the day in the sun is only achievable by having a huge wedding, I think it's time to rethink your life.

So I'm shallow because I wanted/could afford a desgner dress? I'm shallow because I wanted/could afford a big party for everyone I love??

What's that got to do with my self-respect?

Eh??

yanbu OP, I think it's tacky

But do the guests have an amazing time gobbolino ? I wince when I receive a thick, ivory invitation enclosing instructions for the day and wedding gift lists. If I want a night drinking in an overpriced hotel bar, miles from anywhere, I can take myself there any time.

So if a wedding isn't about a bride....????? (and a groom) (and somebody's brats cherubs not being invited....)

(disclaimer: am unmarried, will remain so, and thank Christ and all the angels that most of my family and friends are like me)

Our guests were my number one priority, as I myself have been to many weddings miles form anywhere, that cost an arm and a leg (b&b, transport, present, drinks etc)

We deliberatley chose a venue less than three miles from where we live. We laid on a bus for guests so they didn't have to drive/pay for cabs and it wasn't a paybar.

Gobblino can I have some of your money for a designer dress and a free bar?

My mum in law to be chose our venue which is in the middle of nowhere with a pay bar. It makes her happy and I'm happy whatever.

I had a friend who booked and paid for the wedding, ordered dress etc before she even met her future DH! Pure bloody luck she met anyone willing and to be frank he was rather ramraided into it as her aprents were his employers and... well yes

No divorce as yet but he universally known as 'Poor craig' (except not craig IYKWIM)

On that basis OP YANBU

I ahd a fairly big wedding but Dh planned it as mucha s me (and got the better outfit- hmmmm!) and we tried to de-formalise it as much as possible within the venue

*As for "being able to afford" to be a princess for a day - if the price of your own self-respect and the contempt of your guests seems worth paying, then I guess that is up to you.

It is hard to imagine that shallowness won't have an impact on your subsequent marriage, but hopefully you've chosen a similarly tacky spouse.*

Oh HOW CATTY

It's unbelievable that you would generalise people in such a way!

I wasn't referring to your wedding specifically gobbolino. Just the line in your earlier post about the guests having an amazing time. A lot of brides do tend to focus on their venue and so on, naturally, but don't seem to care/notice that they are putting their guests to a lot of inconvenience and expense.

You are entiteled to have the dress and party you want, of course. Guests just don't neccessarily love it the way the bridal party do.

I think SheCut is feeling a bit

Love - we were so very,very,very,very,very lucky that my dad paid for it all (except my dress which I paid for!)

Ah Gobbolino send your dad my way !

We're quite lucky too as DP's mum n dad are paying for the venue (which is why it's that particular one!).

perfumed - I was anwering SheCut !! She had started bangingon about self-respect.

I agree with you about the Bridezillas anyway

Yes...they do pick twats for the wedding programmes...for the entertainment value.

Also had designer dress, free bar etc....and was a great day. We paid for it all...our guests had a good time and so did we. The biggest celebration of our lives...and, quite frankly we deserved it.

It was a moment of happiness in what had been a pretty traumatic year for us both (with h2b losing his father in awful circumstances) and our guests were really happy for us.

So HOW DARE anyone tell me our wedding was shallow and/or that our guests were contemptuous of us. YOU DON'T KNOW ME...or my husband or what we had to go through.

When's your day love?? Are you excited??

I am! 13th November (Sunday, random I know!) Can't wait

I agree its about attitude and not money.

I wince when I receive a thick, ivory invitation enclosing instructions for the day and wedding gift lists. If I want a night drinking in an overpriced hotel bar, miles from anywhere, I can take myself there any time.

Ah, now there's where it's gone wrong. They shouldn't be spending a lot of money on invitations if they're having a pay bar- failure to prioritise effectively in the interests of the guests

and I've always been delighted to receive a wedding invitation....because they've always been from people who have been close to me.

and no, we didn't ask for anything....no gift list, no special requests...but everyone without exception gave us something....because they wanted to! (get your heads round that!)

but everyone without exception gave us something....because they wanted to! (get your heads round that!)

In what way? It's normal for wedding guests to bring gifts

We got married on a sunday. All the best people do that