To think that brides that go on about my day, its all about me and I am a princess abu?

[lesley33]

I understand that all brides want to look beautiful at their wedding and want their wedding to be a special day. But a wedding is about 2 people making a public commitment together. It feels like some brides almost forget the groom in their wish to be a princess for the day. A wedding isn't a walt disney production ffs, it is about both the bride and groom coming together.

[AKMD]

No, she still lives with PIL. She is getting a horse and carriage on her wedding day though.

[Trills]

Wouldn't the kitchen be a better place to keep that kind of thing?

[AKMD]

As far as I can gather, most of the JL home department.

[Trills]

What is in this bottom drawer AKMD?

[AKMD]

^I had a friend who booked and paid for the wedding, ordered dress etc before she even met her future DH! Pure bloody luck she met anyone willing and to be frank he was rather ramraided into it as her aprents were his employers and... well yes^

Er, WHAT?! My SIL has a fully-stocked bottom drawer and no boyfriend but that is the maddest thing I've ever heard. Flippin' heck...

I went to a wedding last year that cost way, way over £100k. My special part was the yokel job of standing there with my jaw hanging open for most of the day. I had an absolute blast, as did everyone else. Did I think it was tacky? No way. They could afford it so why not? The bride still didn't get to choose her own bridesmaids BTW :)

My other SIL got married for about £10k. She was an absolute cow-bag about it. Everything was about her (even though she was constantly moaning that it wasn't) and she alienated a lot of people. And yes, it was tacky, because everyone was standing there with fixed smiles wishing that the whole thing wasn't happening.

The amount of money spent is not the problem. What I do have a problem with is people getting into tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt to pay for one day, thereby hobbling their married life with major financial pressures before it's even begun. That is asking for disaster and yes, it does raise a lot of questions about the couple in question's marriage being all about their wedding rather than the other way round.

Everyone knows that planning a wedding is stressful and therefore some stressed-out behaviour is expected. But choosing to ride rough shod over everyone else, including the groom, so that you get a wedding that could feature in OK magazine is awful and non-excusable.

BTW, our registrar was free! £400???!!!

[Trills]

Is the 'Bridezilla' stereotype actually just a media/wedding industry creation?

I think maybe it is.

The wedding industry wants to make this very extreme behaviour seem more common than it actually is so that people with inclinations in that direction are encouraged to let loose their madness.

[Trills]

They shouldn't be spending a lot of money on invitations if they're having a pay bar- failure to prioritise effectively in the interests of the guests

I can imagine planning my hypothetical wedding this way.

"Do we want...?"
"No, more wine instead!"

[Bubbaluv]

On tele maybe - but I've never seen it IRL.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

Luca - but you weren't being a gobshitey "princess", so you don't come under the OP. Having a big wedding and a nice dress and hoping it all turns out well is not what is being criticised, I don't think.

[LucaBrasi]

I got married 13 years ago in a beautiful dress, in a big church and with 180 day guests and 350 in total at night. I was 30, DH was 36. I have a big family and by that late age, we had both accumulated quite a few friends. We were living abroad and wanted all our friends and family to join us.

We paid for it ALL ourselves, it cost 10K. It was fab, we have great photos and memories. And we are still happy. With two great boys.

I never look back and think it was a waste of money. Although I didn't consider myself as a 'princess', it was a smoking dress and I looked great and enjoyed all the preening. What's wrong with that?

Why does anyone pay more (for anything) than other people? Generally it's because they can. If their parents are paying for it, they are lucky. If they are getting into debt, they are stupid.

We could maybe use the money now to fix the gutter on the porch etc etc, but really, do we always have to be sensible?

I do remember everyone telling me that 'something' would go wrong on the day and that I would be stressing it would be a disaster etc. But I figured that I had planned as much as I could, and on the day, as long as DH and the priest turned up, and we were married, then so what. and in fact, nothing did

So I don't know if YABU as I'm sure your decison is right for you, but wasn't for me, and I have never regretted our lovely wedding.

[Want2bSupermum]

ruby I am sure we all did something to piss our guests off!

My guests complaint was that I didn't include in the invite that hotel rooms were included. I didn't know my Dad had booked out the entire travelodge! Some people had booked rooms when I found out but were able to cancel them and get a refund. My Dad paid GBP12 per room because he booked way in advance and used his OAP discount! It was a brilliant move by my father. Some people will always complain...

[lesley33]

HardCheese - I think thats a good point. I do think it probably is largely a media creation with a few brides now trying to live up to it in real life.

[lesley33]

"Normally there is someone in the family who has a bigger home but people don't like to ask because it is very disruptive."

I think it depends very much on what kind of family you have. When we got married we were living in a small 2 bed terraced house. My parents are in a very small council house,my GP's in a council flat and my brother and SIl were sharing a flat with their MIL.

On my OH's side, similar except for bil who lives in a 3 bedroom detached house miles away from rest of the family.

I know people in the past still had weddings in very small houses, so I am not knocking that idea. I am just a bit astounded that you think most families have someone with a large house.

[Want2bSupermum]

loveglove It sounds much more grand than it was. Also, I use the term paddock to descibe the size more than anything. I have seen much larger gardens which are far prettier that can take a 30ftx50ft tent with access to the tent from the house instead of having to construct a walkway to the marquee so our guests wouldn't ruin their shoes and clothes.

[MrsJRT]

I need to start moving in better circles as I've never been to a wedding with a free bar.

[HardCheese]

Is the 'Bridezilla' stereotype actually just a media/wedding industry creation? I don't know any either, and wondered whether the idea had just been invented by dopey reality TV programmes, Consumer Bride magazines, wedding fairs etc. Of course, the wedding industry stands to make a whole lot more money from the self-regarding 'My Big Day' princessy type of bride, than out of someone who buys a charity shop cocktail dress and has a low-key party for friends, without the need for total body hairlessness and fake-tanning, a light-up frock and a coach and-four with the horses' ribbbons matching the flower girls sashes and the wedding favours.

People absorb a huge amount of shite from TV without realising it, because they think that's how other people must have been doing things all along. Like I don't remember expressions of surprise necessarily involving screaming and tears and waving one's gel nails in front of one's face before reality TV started instucting its hapless 'actors' to ramp stuff up for the camera...?

[loveglove]

I got a marquee up in the paddock next to the house

Good plan if you've got a handy paddock!

[Want2bSupermum]

MrsMoo The issue of the free bar is very simple. I understand if the bride and groom decide to cut back and not include a free bar but say so on the invite and don't do an over the top formal do. It looks funny to say 'cash bar after 10pm' followed by 'carriages at 12pm' on an invite. Carriages is a term for a formal wedding while paying for drinks is the opposite.

[Want2bSupermum]

Wedding at home was great. I got a marquee up in the paddock next to the house with a floor and dance setion. We hired a string quartet to play during dinner and a DJ for after. Cleanup was easy. All of the plates were stacked after each course, hosed down and returned to the rental place dirty (as agreed) and we put rubbish/bottle and recycle bins in the tent so litter was minimal.

I think less people having wedding at home because they want to go to some nice exmanor home that is now a hotel. Normally there is someone in the family who has a bigger home but people don't like to ask because it is very disruptive.

Sadly no cows came to the wedding. We did have beef though which is why they might have stayed away.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I had my reception in my MIl's garden, then buggered of down the pub with my dh and mates later on. My whole wedding cost about £1400. I did buy quite expensive wedding rings, because I figured I'd be wearing it forever. Truthfully, I wish I'd had a bit more money and a reception in a restaurant (weather wasn't great on the day), but on the bright side, I had a pretty dress and didn't end up with lots of debt. I think weddings at home are fine if the weather is good and if you are not having a huge number of guests.

[perfumedlife]

For the last time, I have no problem paying for drinks/taxis/hotels atall, I do have a problem with the concept of 'guest' being stetched so that a bride, and it is usually the bride, can focus resources on bits of paper and other commercial crap to make her day speccccciiialll.

Call me old fashioned, I just like to entertain guests as just that, guests.

[wineandcheese]

Laquitar makes an excellent point about overly critical and miserable guests.