To think that brides that go on about my day, its all about me and I am a princess abu?

[lesley33]

I understand that all brides want to look beautiful at their wedding and want their wedding to be a special day. But a wedding is about 2 people making a public commitment together. It feels like some brides almost forget the groom in their wish to be a princess for the day. A wedding isn't a walt disney production ffs, it is about both the bride and groom coming together.

[gobbolinothewitchscatinboots]

TheBride - the consensus on MN is that receiving gifts for your wedding is vair vulgar.

[TheBrideofFrankenstein]

Ah yes. I forgot. Although isn't it the asking rather than the receiving?? Far better to receive a limited edition set of Hobbit tankards than the tablecloth you actually wanted.

[perfumedlife]

Well exactly TheBrideofFrankenstien . If you want your 'guests' to come and be entertained/treated to a day out, why expect them to pay for this all day but happily spend hundreds of pounds on fancy invitations/place settings and so on? It smacks of ' I want this so shall have it, you can pay for the actual refreshments/transport etc yourself' and to me is not giving a party atall.

[Peachy]

I was chatting to old school friend the other day

We have to conclusion that either somerset wehre we grew up is in fact on a different palnet to rest of UK (quite possible) or free vbars only exist on MN becuase neither of us has ever encountered one

And as such would never expect one which is rather handy!

[sausagesandmarmelade]

perfumed

I went to a wedding abroad this year. Spent a fortune on outfits, fares, hotel stay etc and had a fantastic time (was really glad to share the day with her) I wouldn't have missed my cousins wedding for the world.

I don't think you actually know what you are talking about here........

[lesley33]

The last wedding I went to was great and I really enjoyed it. But then I don't tend to be friends with women who want to be "princesses" for the day.

[TheBrideofFrankenstein]

peachy I promise you that at only about 4 weddings of the probably 50 I have attended have I had to buy my own drinks at any stage of the day.

sausages I think what perfumed is saying that whatever your budget, you should spend it in the interests of your guests, so dont spend £1000 on gilt edged invites when you could spend £40 and put £960 behind the bar.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

Oh, I love getting a nice ivory (or other colour) envelope and all the instructions for the day.

I adore weddings, big, small, medium-sized, posh, eccentric, frugal.

The only thing I can't abide is people who carry on like spoilt brats, expecting everyone else to dance attendance on them because they are getting married.

Good weddings are about all the people taking part. Hosts who are accommodating of their guests and considerate of their needs have fun weddings that people remember fondly for years.

People who think their wedding day is about them and who are entirely concerned with how special they feel have crap weddings that are never discussed again (except by the b&g while everyone else rolls their eyes).

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

It's not receiving gifts that's vulgar, it's asking for them.

[sausagesandmarmelade]

I don't think perfumed has any right to say how other couples should spend their money!

We spent quite a bit on our various stationery items, but it didn't mean that we scrimped on our guests.

Is she REALLY saying that all payments should be in the interest of guests only?

Dress, flowers, cars are not in the interest of guests....so should we spend a very limited amount on those things?

shecutofftheirtales pretty much summed it all up.....
I was never of the mentality that "it's all about me" and I haven't know anyone else like that

[TheBrideofFrankenstein]

Dress, flowers, cars are not in the interest of guests....so should we spend a very limited amount on those things?

IMo, yes. Where "limited amount" means not a huge proportion of your budget. So it is rude, IMO, to spend thousands on a dress, cars etc, yet expect your guests to buy their own drinks. If the whole thing is on a shoestring, then a pay bar is fine. It's about proportion of the total spend.

[lesley33]

I only been to weddings that had a paid bar - apart from 1 that was paid with some money put behind the bar. I have been to weddings that asked you to bring a bottle or food to share. tbh I don't have an issue with that. Most of the people I know haven't got loads of money to spend.

[sausagesandmarmelade]

All I can say is...we didn't expect our guests to buy their own drinks....but I wouldn't criticise couples if they did do that.

I've been to weddings without free bars and didn't object to buying my own drink...

[ArtVandelay]

YANBU

But I'm wondering if I should have made more fuss for mine.. I could have afforded to do a lot more and plenty of people would have enjoyed coming. I think it was the Bridey/Princessy/Centre of attention thing that actually scared me into my austerity wedding. Reading this and feeling a bit robbed maybe...

[TheBrideofFrankenstein]

sausages I don't object either, but I might be slightly peed off if the dress cost £10k yet they couldn't put a few grand behind the bar, especially if I've also paid for hotel, transport etc. As I said, it's about proportion - about balancing what you want with giving your guests a good party.

[sausagesandmarmelade]

I see your point....
I've never known anyone to do such a thing.

[TheBrideofFrankenstein]

I actually did a focus group for mine (well, not really, but at a pissed up dinner party, I asked a bunch of prolific wedding goers about their key wedding likes/ dislikes) Important factors were

• Enough food- doesn't have to be posh but must be enough of it
  
• Not an arse to get to/ leave from
  
• Good cheesy disco/band
  
• Free booze (well I did ask)
  
• Not made to wait around drinkless/foodless for hours for the photos
  
• No line up
  

I planned accordingly.

[TheBrideofFrankenstein]

I see your point....
I've never known anyone to do such a thing.

I'm still scarred

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

Well the centre of attention thing is pretty much unavoidable - it is your wedding, you will be the focus of a lot of the activity.

But that doesn't have to (and ideally shouldn't) mean anything "princessy".

The whole sexist "bridezilla" thing (the flip side of the equally sexist "princess" thing) does a great disservice to most brides.

[Hulababy]

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar. Have been to dozens of weddings of the years of many types and styles, but never a free bar. Have had wine on tales during meal and toat, but not a free for all bar. Would never expect it either.

I am married and I, well me and DH, did pay for our own wedding. We actually got married on our own in kenya on safari, but had a big church blessing and party on return for 100+ guests. It was pretty informal, no sit down meal, no speechs, no formal photos, etc. Just lots of fun with all our family and friends enjoyign themselves and sharing the day with us.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

The worst is "we're getting married abroad, because it's cheaper!"

Yes, for you. More expensive for the guests you're insisting must come, though.

[perfumedlife]

sausages I don't think I can tell people how to spend their money. I am however entitled to form an opinion on the weddings I've been to and those glitzy, showy, princessy weddings were all about the bride, and as op said, not the groom, with very little thought given to the guests and thier comfort. It's not simply the bar, it's the endless waiting around during photos, the long coach rides to the middle of nowhere, you get the picture. Yes they are what the Bride wants, but don't kid yourself that every wedding like that is adored by the guests.

Thanks for getting my meaning thebride

[sausagesandmarmelade]

Haha (like the focus group idea) BUT....we didn't do a full line up. Thought it would be a bit too pretentious for our wedding...

It would have been an 'arse to get to' for some...as we had guests coming from all around the country and europe too. BUT the venue was in central london....

Didn't keep people waiting for photo's. After the church ceremony there were a few family shots and people headed to the reception venue...not far off for the drinks reception (before dinner).

[TheBrideofFrankenstein]

Sausages don't worry- by arse to get to I think they meant in a field in a village miles from anywhere with one minicab (who happens to be on holiday that week) and no coaches.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

I don't mind arse-end of nowhere weddings.

What is a pain in the arse is "ceremony in central London, reception in a country house hotel in Oxfordshire"