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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that brides that go on about my day, its all about me and I am a princess abu?

169 replies

lesley33 · 13/10/2011 08:37

I understand that all brides want to look beautiful at their wedding and want their wedding to be a special day. But a wedding is about 2 people making a public commitment together. It feels like some brides almost forget the groom in their wish to be a princess for the day. A wedding isn't a walt disney production ffs, it is about both the bride and groom coming together.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 13/10/2011 13:51

I never went on like that and I certainly didn't get treated like a princess Hmm

My bridesmaid was more interested in herself than in me and she didn't even get us a small wedding gift.

My brother's wife was utterly vile to me all day and didn't even bother dressing properly (it was a small church wedding, not a hippy do).

I had nobody to help me get ready. I couldn't even get the zip on my dress done up and had to search for somebody to do it.

I couldn't even powder my nose for the photos because the person with my face powder forgot to give it to me and I couldn't find her after the ceremony.

Princess? I wish Sad

MrsMooo · 13/10/2011 13:57

The thing I don't get about all these wedding threads is that whilst it isn't all about the bride (though the only bridezillas I've ever come across are on reality TV) it is, IMO all about the B&G - you are being invited to share their day.

Guests are invited, usually at the couple's expense if not their parents expense, they're not (usually) asked to pay for the wedding, so why should anyone other than the B&G get ANY SAY WHATSOEVER in what happens on the day/what they choose to spend money on/who gets invited?

Sure be accomdating, if you hold your wedding at 3am in the arctic circle on Christmas day and say no kids, you accept that most people are going to say no and not come, but it's your (the B&G's) day so have it where you want, when you want with who you want.

Sure, it's a bit tight to spend 10 grand on a dress and not have a free bar (I've only been to two weddings with a free bar, all the others have had a welcome drink/drinks with the meal and then pay for your own), BUT if it's your money then surely you get to spend it on what you want???

Being a bridezilla and ignoring your husband or wife to be is totally unreasonable, spending your own money on what you as a couple want to make your day memorable and special to you as a couple, is not.

As guest you will go to x number of weddings, as the B&G you spend a lot of time and effort planning (what you assume) will be your only wedding and I think sometimes this is forgotten. To quote the OP, it is about both the bride and groom coming together, not the guests coming together at the b&g's expense

gobbolinothewitchscatinboots · 13/10/2011 13:57

Bride your wedding sounds very similar to ours. No formal photos/line up etc. And I agree with you - I'd be a bit miffed if the bride was in a 10K dress and I had to pay for my own drinks.

I still don't see what enjoying being the centre of attention for one day, as long as your guests are enjoying themselves?

Are so many of us really shallow/tacky/pathetic/hurtling towards divorce.

Where did you get married SheCut ?? Down a coal mine wearing a cloth sack?? With dry bread and water for the guests?? Was your DP doing tricks on his Penny Farthing for entertainment???

gobbolinothewitchscatinboots · 13/10/2011 13:59

MrsMooo - well summarised Grin

MrsMooo · 13/10/2011 13:59

OP said it is about both the bride and groom coming together, rest is me to be clear

BalloonSlayer · 13/10/2011 14:02

A really lovely poster on a forum I used to frequent, was living with her Fiance and they had a baby. She was planning their wedding and posted one day asking for ideas on how to make money. The wedding was costing them so much that they were struggling to afford it.

I - and others - implored her to cancel it and re-book on a smaller scale. It's only one day, You'll be paying the debts off for years, You don't want to start married life off in that way, Yadda Yadda. But she was having none of it. Her reason? "I want to be a princess for a day."

She had already made her Fiance take on a pizza delivery round in addition to his full-time job to make more money to pay for it. So for her to be a princess, he had to be a pizza delivery boy. Confused At least it proved he loved her . . . and stretching the princess analogy almost to breaking point, don't some of the fairy tales have the handsome prince doing menial tasks in order to win the fair princess's hand?

If I had been him I'd have told HER to take on the pizza delivery round, but there you go...

KRITIQ · 13/10/2011 14:05

YANBU. Getting married for me was about making a public declaration of a personal commitment between me and DH. Didn't need buckets of money, frills, a team of supporters or one-upmanship to achieve that.

If I wanted to be a princess, I'd have joined an Am Dram group instead. Sheesh.

Proudnreallyveryscary · 13/10/2011 14:05

YABU for stating the bleeding obvious

MrsMooo · 13/10/2011 14:09

also, with everyone harping on about free bar - why is it so bad to pay for your own drinks? It's a celibration of their marriage not an excuse to get blotto at someone elses expenseHmm

I know full well my friends spent over a grand on photographers so had nothing left for the evening bar and I don't begrudge them in the slightest - them having a fabulous photographic record of their day was FAR more important than a free piss up for us

Laquitar · 13/10/2011 14:16

Tbh unless the couple is very annoying or they demand that you travel to Bahamas for them then it should be fun.

We keep talking about annoying couples but what about annoying and miserable guests? You don't have to analyze every single detail of someone's wedding, if you like the couple just join in and be merry, no need to be philosophical at a party Hmm. Some people on all wedding threads not just here seem to analyze and criticise everything.

Laquitar · 13/10/2011 14:22

Grin at Baloon.
Mind you it is not only weddings. I know a family who are miserable for 5 years in order to save for a 'lifetime holiday' - 2 weeks in Florida.

Want2bSupermum · 13/10/2011 14:24

YANBU at all! Also, if you are hosting a party that includes food then drink should also be included. If not, put it on the invite so guests know! Was caught out at a wedding in Scotland by a 'princess' wanabe bride. She went on about spending more than GBP40k on their wedding and we had to buy our own drinks!

The bride had such delusions of grandeur that she only allowed expensive top shelf drinks to be served that cost a fortune. A small glass of crap wine was GBP10. Luckily I keep a case of wine in the boot for clients so I went out to the car and filled up while DH had cognac that had been given to me as gift.

Want2bSupermum · 13/10/2011 14:28

Oh and my wedding was held at home. Considering my father lives on a working farm I could never pull off the princess thing! On the morning of my wedding my brother and I helped my Dad milk the cows at 5am.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/10/2011 14:35

When you think about it, the only real princess in our royal family is Princess Anne. I think she has some admirable qualities but I would not be aiming for her 'look' on my wedding day!

perfumedlife · 13/10/2011 14:36

Your wedding sounds great Want2b Smile Did the cows wish you all the best and send a gift?

gobbolinothewitchscatinboots · 13/10/2011 14:38

I'm quite happy to pay for my own drinks at a wedding. Not everyone can have the luxury of a free bar.

It was a poster earlier up the thread who moaned about havong to travel to a wedding and then Shock buy themselves a beverage.

perfumedlife · 13/10/2011 14:40

I wonder why more weddings aren't held at home, like they used to be in my mother's day. It's a good place to party with friends and family, get someone in to do the food and drinks, bit of music, party central.

I know it's a tight squeeze if you have a small house but would be very intimate.

Original poster
lesley33 · 13/10/2011 14:44

hiddenhone - Poor you.

perfumedlife - I do know what you mean, but the downside is you have to clean up before and afterwards.

OP posts:
Original poster
lesley33 · 13/10/2011 14:45

Although I have been to weddings where there was the ceremony, going to the couple's house for champagne/nibbles/cakes and then onto the evening do.

OP posts:
wineandcheese · 13/10/2011 14:46

Laquitar makes an excellent point about overly critical and miserable guests.

perfumedlife · 13/10/2011 14:47

For the last time, I have no problem paying for drinks/taxis/hotels atall, I do have a problem with the concept of 'guest' being stetched so that a bride, and it is usually the bride, can focus resources on bits of paper and other commercial crap to make her day speccccciiialll.

Call me old fashioned, I just like to entertain guests as just that, guests.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/10/2011 15:00

I had my reception in my MIl's garden, then buggered of down the pub with my dh and mates later on. My whole wedding cost about £1400. I did buy quite expensive wedding rings, because I figured I'd be wearing it forever. Truthfully, I wish I'd had a bit more money and a reception in a restaurant (weather wasn't great on the day), but on the bright side, I had a pretty dress and didn't end up with lots of debt. I think weddings at home are fine if the weather is good and if you are not having a huge number of guests.

Want2bSupermum · 13/10/2011 15:11

Wedding at home was great. I got a marquee up in the paddock next to the house with a floor and dance setion. We hired a string quartet to play during dinner and a DJ for after. Cleanup was easy. All of the plates were stacked after each course, hosed down and returned to the rental place dirty (as agreed) and we put rubbish/bottle and recycle bins in the tent so litter was minimal.

I think less people having wedding at home because they want to go to some nice exmanor home that is now a hotel. Normally there is someone in the family who has a bigger home but people don't like to ask because it is very disruptive.

Sadly no cows came to the wedding. We did have beef though which is why they might have stayed away.

Want2bSupermum · 13/10/2011 15:34

MrsMoo The issue of the free bar is very simple. I understand if the bride and groom decide to cut back and not include a free bar but say so on the invite and don't do an over the top formal do. It looks funny to say 'cash bar after 10pm' followed by 'carriages at 12pm' on an invite. Carriages is a term for a formal wedding while paying for drinks is the opposite.

loveglove · 13/10/2011 15:50

I got a marquee up in the paddock next to the house

Good plan if you've got a handy paddock!