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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that brides that go on about my day, its all about me and I am a princess abu?

169 replies

lesley33 · 13/10/2011 08:37

I understand that all brides want to look beautiful at their wedding and want their wedding to be a special day. But a wedding is about 2 people making a public commitment together. It feels like some brides almost forget the groom in their wish to be a princess for the day. A wedding isn't a walt disney production ffs, it is about both the bride and groom coming together.

OP posts:
loveglove · 13/10/2011 11:05

You don't need to spend any more than the £50 or whatever the registrar charges.

LOL. My registrar has charged £400.

It doesn't upset me or bother me particularly that people spend stupid amounts on a dress. What I am saying is I don't understand it. I suppose more so if you haven't got the money, probably because I am poor and have no one to buy me a dress. Maybe I'm jealous?

I personally couldn't justify £2000 on a dress I'll wear once. That is a A LOT of money for me, but I have different priorities - if I had £2k I'd put it towards central heating which we don't have and need as we have no heating at all.

But that is equally as ok as someone who can justify it.

I still don't understand it though.

Original poster
lesley33 · 13/10/2011 11:18

I have the money to spend 2k on a dress and I don't understand it.

But fine if you want to, just don't go on as a grown woman about feeling like a princess.

OP posts:
loserface · 13/10/2011 11:18

YABU. It's up to the couple how much they spend on the day and how they act. If the bride wants to be a princess then let her.

I cant wait for my wedding, I want to look fabulous! I love dressing up and pampering myself but dont often get the chance to do it often, this will be the one day when I can truly be spoilt.

I dont personally agree with spending an absolute fortune on a wedding if there are better things the money could be spent on though, you can get some lovely wedding dresses second hand or could rent one, as long as it fits well and compliments your shape then its good to go IMO.

IslaMann · 13/10/2011 11:19

Sardine can you tell me where I can get a registrar for £50 please? Because I'm looking at the mo and I can only find prices of £500. My divorce only cost me £300 FFS! Wink

fatlazymummy · 13/10/2011 11:20

I don't understand it either. I do think some of the women on TV wedding programmes come across as rather spoilt and entitled, and I think that may not bode well for their marriage, not the actual amount of money spent on it.
It's all a matter of attitude really, someone can spend a lot of money, be into the whole princessy, centrepiece, chair cover side of things, yet still have consideration for other people ie the groom, wedding party and guests.

Laquitar · 13/10/2011 11:33

I'm not sure they are 'spoilt and entitled' tbh, or at least not all. I only know 2 'princesses' and they both have never been spoilt, or loved Sad and thats why their need 'to be special'. Who knows, maybe lesley's friend is one too.

I think a 'healthy' person has more 'special' moments in a lifetime, not one ocassion.

SardineQueen · 13/10/2011 11:42

I must admit I'm not up to date with current registrar costs... My point was that for those saying "you don't have to spend more than X" - that if X includes more than the registrar then it is as artitrary as someone spending 10x that. The registrar is all you need.

SardineQueen · 13/10/2011 11:45

If someone spends loads on going out for a posh meal
Or a snazzy car with lots of bells and whistles
Or a luxury weekend away

It's all the same sort of thing. People spend more than they need to on stuff all the time. If they can afford it then it doesn't matter IMO. I might sometimes think things are a bit silly, but it's not my money is it. I'm sure others think some things I buy are a waste of money, swings and roundabouts and all that Smile

VenetiaLanyon · 13/10/2011 11:48

Ok, think that we can come to an amicable agreement hereWink. How about:

Anyone can spend anything they like on their wedding, do whatever they like with regards to blingy or non-blingy entertainment, wear bizarrely expensive frocks, or knit their own etc.

The only proviso should be that they shouldn't do stuff they can't afford, and they shouldn't bang on about it endlessly or mention the "p" word at any time.

gobbolinothewitchscatinboots · 13/10/2011 11:49

YAWN.

Just because you have a big, flashy expensive wedding, doesn't necessarily mean your marriage is doomed.

Likewise, if you have a 2 bob registry office wedding in a £3 dress, it doesn't guarentee you a perfect marriage.

Money and love aren't always intrinsically linked you know.

And hell yeah I was a princess on my wedding day. I loved it. We could afford it. And I wanted to have a huuuuge celebration to remember the happiest day of my life - the day I become a wife to my lovely DH [hgrin]

SardineQueen · 13/10/2011 11:50

I would agree with that venetia, the whole thing bores me senseless Grin

Mind you I also get irritated when people go on about a holiday they are endlessly planning etc. I think I am just a bit anti-social Grin

rubyrubyruby · 13/10/2011 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loveglove · 13/10/2011 11:54

How many here got married and paid themselves? Or did everyone have parents paying/chipping in/buying dresses etc?

I get irritated at the funny looks I get concerning my honeymoon - which will be on a canal boat in the uk next summer.

What?! No white beaches?!! No St Lucia/Maldives/etc?!!!

ARE YOU MAD???!!!!

SardineQueen · 13/10/2011 11:55

We got the train somewhere for our honeymoon.

People were like this Confused

rubyrubyruby · 13/10/2011 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loveglove · 13/10/2011 12:02

We paid for all ours except mine and DD's dress. My Mum paid for those because she said that is what my Dad would have wanted. He died 6 years before.

Aw that's sweet. My friends mum had done something a little similar - given her a bit of money "from her nan" which I thought was lovely too.

diddl · 13/10/2011 12:02

We paid for everything.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 13/10/2011 12:03

Any grown woman who has dreams of being a fucking princess, one of the most pointless, crappy things to be, is defective.

Any adult who wants something to be all about them hasn't been raised properly.

I suppose I should pity them their inadequacies, but they are such annoying dicks that it's hard not to point and laugh and be glad that you (and your friends) are not like that.

Thankfully the women I know are clever and funny and have too much pride in themselves as adult members of society to go around making a show of themselves behaving like embarrassing 11 year olds.

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/10/2011 12:10

I detect a hint of bitterness............

When I got married, it was never about just us but very much also about our guests who were coming to share in our special day. Yes we had a larger budget...but so what? We could afford it...and we had the day that we wanted.

Have also been to quite a few other weddings (high and low budget) and never experienced anything such as the OP describes. Other people's choices really don't bother me...and every wedding I've been to has centred on the commitment.

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/10/2011 12:12

There seems to be a lot of resentment towards couples who have a big wedding that costs a fortune.

Why, is it more worthy to have a budget wedding?

gobbolinothewitchscatinboots · 13/10/2011 12:16

Because that is the inverse-snobbery that is MN.

You're not worthy if you earn more that tuppence.

And if you dare to spend any of your dispoable income on yourself or your family, well..... Angry

SheCutOffTheirTails · 13/10/2011 12:17

Any grown woman who has dreams of being a fucking princess, one of the most pointless, crappy things to be, is defective.

Any adult who wants something to be all about them hasn't been raised properly.

I suppose I should pity them their inadequacies, but they are such annoying dicks that it's hard not to point and laugh and be glad that you (and your friends) are not like that.

Thankfully the women I know are clever and funny and have too much pride in themselves as adult members of society to go around making a show of themselves behaving like embarrassing 11 year olds.

Fixture · 13/10/2011 12:17

Agree, sausages. Some people have a large wedding but are frugal in most ways the rest of the time, whereas others are always splashing out on holidays/treats/big car and suddenly go all cheapskate and worthy for weddings/Christmas.

gobbolinothewitchscatinboots · 13/10/2011 12:17

Oh and by the way. I don't think there are many adult brides that 'actually' want to be princesses.

It's just a term to mean feeling special. What's so wrong with that???

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/10/2011 12:23

LOL isn't it ridiculous!!

fixture - yes I actually know people like that.

Goggo - completely agree