to be upset that someone anonymous has reported me to social services about the welfare of my daughter?

[BlueKangaroo22]

They knocked my door this morning.
They said they had recieved anonymous information saying my home is dirty, that I am not feeding my daughter (she is 13 weeks old and weighs over 14lb) that she has oral thrush (she did, long since cleared up) nappy rash (she just has a sore bum has she has done since she was born, all I can do really is put cream on) cradle cap (which we are currently in process of trying to clear)

The thing is, I think it is my mum. She disagrees with the fact that a couple of times we have had her babysat. and last week, with good reason i tried her on baby rice, it obviously wasnt right for her so i havent given her any since then.
I have spoken to her and she has denyed it but it is awful to say but I cannot think of anyone else who would do this.
She says when she spoke to the hv at her work with regards to the weaning thing, she gave her my name so it might be from that, so where do the allegations come from then??

I'm so angry and upset, I don't know why someone would do this. For the record the woman from the social said she seemed fine to her, happy etc.

mrs sf Maybe it would be easier for everyone if you laid your cards on the table re this thread and what you think is going on, so we all know where we are.

From the off you have been implying that it was right the OP be reported to SS and she should have a good think about how she is looking after her baby and I'm wondering why?

I was speaking in general in the second part of the post as I would support genuine concerns being raised and trying to make that point. It was also in response to what someone said earlier about malicious complaints not detracting from genuine ones. I have no idea what the reasoning or motivation behind the complaint against the OP was.

The first part I was speaking from personal experience and trying to help those who don't seem to understand the OP's feeling on the matter could possibly be.

I haven't implied anything. What you have inferred is your own affair.

I would imagine that anyone who was reported to an outside agency would take a moment to wonder if there was anything they were doing that either was or could be interpreted as being harmful or neglectful or just misguided. But from reading these posts the only reaction would be "how dare someone do this to me?"
Seems odd to me, is all.

Are you sure the people who came to the door were genuine? Did they have proper ID?

It sounds really odd.

In your very first post on this thread you implied that the OP was doing something wrong and that the report made about her was undoubtedly because someone was genuinely concerned (that she was neglecting or abusing her child, or at imminent risk of doing so) and did not allow for the possibility the complaint may have been spurious or malicious.

You seem to have decided that the OP was indeed doing something potentially or actually abusive or neglectful with her baby and I don't understand why.

I also don't understand how you can't see that being reported to SS is a tremendously upsetting and potentially traumatising experience.

In short, I don't get where you're coming from, at all.

I think you will find that many people who are reported to SS don't just "take a moment to wonder if there was anything they were doing that either was or could be interpreted as being harmful or neglectful or just misguided". Most people reported to SS spend a vast amount of time wondering who it was, and why. And for some people it can induce a level of paranoia leading to difficult and unforeseen consequences.

You do read an awful lot into a few words. You've added in a whole lot of things I didn't say. Are you clairvoyant or just bored?

OP if a HV visitor did it she should have discussed it with you first. Professionals are supposed to inform parents unless it would put the child at increased risk.

Malicious reports are a sort of hobby round my way. Its a common way of getting at someone if you are having a row. I know a childminder who has done it to several people I know. SHe got away with it for years because ironically its a sin to 'grass' round her regardless

I would be fecking fuming if I was reported in this way and I work in CP so know the importance of SS investigating. I certainly wouldnt be all 'oh well its all for the best'. I would be going nuts.

I really hope it goes ok for you OP.

SS are really busy, they dont have time to worry about a bit of cradle cap.

I read what you've said mrsSF. I asked about your first post because I thought it read a bit "off" and wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt, but given what you have said since I think my original reading was correct.

Why do you think OP has been neglecting or abusing her child (or is at risk of doing so)? Everything OP has said = this being a spurious or malicious complaint but you won't have it. Why not?

Well it's got to be someone who has visited your house hasn't it? So that should narrow it down.

At least SS have seen you have a happy baby, hopefully that will shut whoever reported you up.

I've made no judgement either way. Your insistence on assigning opinions to me is most odd. And while your attentions are flattering, there are other people on the thread, its a little rude to attach yourself to one poster.

For those thinking there is no smoke without fire think again!! Other people have warped perceptions about what classes as neglect and can embellish it to SS.

If it was your HV she would have informed you first they work side by side..well sort of.
I have SS knocking on my door after being told that I had PTSD and I had physically stopped the HV from getting in, missed therapy appointments and that my DH was in Afghan.

Lovely lady from SS knocked and I said 'come in but I have really no idea why you are here' she told me why and I said that is strange because the HV was here this morning and she had no idea why you were coming and she left her number for you to call her. SS worker looked puzzled by this and asked me if I had ever physically stopped her from coming in and I said no why on earth would I do that?!?! Plus I am only 5' and hardly a muscle machine

Then she asked me why I had missed therapy appointments and I pointed out that they had not even started yet so I could not actually miss any and the first one was next week.

Then she asked how my DH was doing in Afghan and I said but he is not in Afghan he is working in Tidworth and he will be home this weekend feel free to give him a call.

The only thing that was right about the referral was that I had PTSD from having my DS but she could see that he was well cared for and had no attachment issues with me.

See sometimes people get it bloody wrong when they refer someone to SS. It is not always a case of no smoke without fire.

OP I still would rather that they check out every referral even if wrong than miss a child being ill treated. Don't worry about it too much and don't waste time trying to work out who it was. Just let everyone know that SS came round and were happy with you if they weren't they would be seeing you again.

If I have "attached myself to you" (ie am disagreeing with you) it is because your posts do not chime at all with the actual content of the thread and I am wondering why that is.

YANBU to be upset

Both my children had cradle cap, DS1 had oral thrush and both got nappy rash when teething, I am surprised the SS did not come banging at my door

My actual posts, or the ones you've made up in your head? And the same question for the "content of the thread".

Your actual posts.

If you read the thread back you will see that many people have made the same points as me in response to your posts. Not just me.

Someone made serious malicious allegations against my husband and I so I know how distressing it feels to have someone call SS on you.

Some of the posters on this thread have obviously never experienced this- I think it's on a par with having to go to court when you're innocent. I felt a whole range of feelings- anger, paranoia, despair and it took a long time before I stopped thinking about who would be so sick to make the accusations that they did.

I don't know who made the allegation but I was really reassured by the Senior Social Worker who came to visit. He spent lots of time explaining the process and how to was evident that the allegations made were false and was happy to take further calls from me after our initial meeting. Based on the advice from the Senior Social Worker that dealt with me, I agree with what the others have said in regards to the process that HVs would follow if they were concerned.

I really hope that it isn't your mum. (If she is an HCP she would surely know about cradle cap etc.) If mine made false allegations to SS I could never forgive her.

the bulk of my posts are me patiently trying to explain the difference between a formal accusation of neglect and an informal chat, a concept some seem hard to understand.
Another was explicitly saying that if whoever visited OP was happy that there were no grounds then why would anyone say otherwise.

So again, my socalled implications are where exactly?

No-one finds it hard to understand the difference.

What you don't seem to understand is that someone reporting you to SS = someone having seen you with your children and come to the conclusion that there is a real risk of harm to the children. And that that is upsetting.

I sense that you are simply after a fight on this thread but if you are genuinely interested to see why people are responding to you in the way that they are, I would suggest that you reread the thread from your initial post and try to see if you can understand why people are reacting to your posts the way they are.

Unless it is a spurious or malicious allegation, obviously. Although having a visit from SS in those circumstances is also terribly upsetting for a lot of people.

And you missed the bit where I said it must be terribly upsetting? I'll await your apology.

And its just you really.

Oh don't be silly.

Read it again.

It's not just me.

And it's not just me. Minus posted about her personal experience (which is a generous thing to do on this topic) and you immediately went for her.

I just don't understand where you're coming from, at all.

I'm bored enough from the first reading, tell you what, I'll hide the thread and you can make up some posts from me and answer them, you seem well practised.

"and you know this is a "ridiculous and malicious complaint" how exactly? Cos the OP said so or your magic internet radar for such things?"

Sarcasm directed at someone who was kind enough to talk about something personal
+
Saying there is no reason to believe the OP ie she might well be lying and actually abusing / neglecting her children

Why are you taking this stance?