to be upset that someone anonymous has reported me to social services about the welfare of my daughter?

[BlueKangaroo22]

They knocked my door this morning.
They said they had recieved anonymous information saying my home is dirty, that I am not feeding my daughter (she is 13 weeks old and weighs over 14lb) that she has oral thrush (she did, long since cleared up) nappy rash (she just has a sore bum has she has done since she was born, all I can do really is put cream on) cradle cap (which we are currently in process of trying to clear)

The thing is, I think it is my mum. She disagrees with the fact that a couple of times we have had her babysat. and last week, with good reason i tried her on baby rice, it obviously wasnt right for her so i havent given her any since then.
I have spoken to her and she has denyed it but it is awful to say but I cannot think of anyone else who would do this.
She says when she spoke to the hv at her work with regards to the weaning thing, she gave her my name so it might be from that, so where do the allegations come from then??

I'm so angry and upset, I don't know why someone would do this. For the record the woman from the social said she seemed fine to her, happy etc.

I loved picking their scabby baby heads!

Sw won't reveal source it undermines encouraging genuine concerns to be reported without fear of repercussion.as hard as this has been it demonstrably shows concerns are investigated.

Weleda Calendula cream is really great for nappy rash.
For cradle cap, rub in some veg oil (not nut oil apparently) and leave it for a bit, then loosen the flakes and wash with gentle soap. It's normal for it not to go away for a couple of years btw.
I am impressed that you didn't persevere with the solid food.

There's an awful lot of detail there - whoever did it had to know you very well, so sadly it does sound like it could be your mum.

Cradle cap is pretty normal - my son had it for ages. I don't think there's much guaranteed to make it go - it's easier to manage it when it's bad and then it tends to clear up ime.

Nappy rash - as others have said, check that it isn't thrush in that area as that won't clear up with nappy cream alone.

my sil had ss turn up on her door step with many accusation but said it was annonimous until she asked how she could find out who it was and even when they called.

The nice lady gave sil the phone number and the time they were called and she found out one way or another that it was her ds's teacher and it was without the heads consent.

It was all untrue and ss dropped it immediately

It sounds like your mum was gossiping about you at work and the HV reported it behind your mum's back.

She is too young for baby rice.

Wait at least another four weeks.

If your home is clean you have nothing to fear.

Use Sudacream on your baby and ensure you change her frequently if possible leave her with no nappy on on a towel so that her bottom gets air.

Matanium cream is brilliant for nappy rash (although if it is liked to the thrush then you might need your GP to sort you out some other suitable ointment)

Good to hear SS came and went, at least you know they bothered to act in case there was a problem. However, very stressful for you and you have my sympathies. Not sure how to deal with your mum though, but I personally wouldn't cut her out without proof it was her.

I wouldn't start weaning yet though as babies should be able to sit unaided before attempting solids. 17weeks is often mentioned as the very earliest you should try because their digestive system isn't fully ready. There's lots of information on MN (and other reliable websites).

When a referal comes into SS, it is a duty emergancy SW that handles the 'contact', it does not re-direct resources away from the families already in the system. Ther is a separate budget for new contacts. If the case is found to be answerable, then it is handed over to a lead SW.

I wouldn't want anyone to hold back reporting a concern because they think that it takes money away from already vulnerable children.

Teachers and other professionals are duty bound to report any concerns that they are told/pick up on, they don't have to get permission, it is a L.A. guideline to do this, so it could have been the health visitor.

Thank you guys for all your replies and helpful advice. My mother is adamant she did not do this so I really have no idea who could have! If it were a hv would they really have done it anonymously? I do feel I should find out if anything so I can potentially stop blaming my mom if she did in fact have nothing to do with it.

cradle cap:
run baby or olive oil onto scalp
leav ten minutes
then use a fine comb and it all comes out

Byt YANBU its really hurtful xxxxx

You are not going to be able to find out who called. If your mum had called I would expect that she would have mentioned the baby rice, so if SW didnt know about that then it probably wasnt her.

bluekangaroo22 Im not an expert so if anyone knows differently please so correct me but I work in the health setting and I am someone that reports to child services through my job, my understanding is (and this might be my area) that as a professional working with a child if we have concerns they must be discussed with the parent and a referral to social services must be discussed with mum before being made unless we believe the child to be in danger - so a health visitor would be very very unlikely to sneakily make the referral especially over alledged untidyness and cradle cap/nappy rash

I know its an awful experience but all I can add is that social workers in this day and age are NOT like many peoples perceptions, all the ones ive worked with have been very reasonable non judgemental people who work hard with families welfares in mind, not just the baby.

YANBU to be upset at all its a dreadful thing to have to deal with but its sorted now, you have some good tips on here for the cradlecap so hold your head up high and do your best to move on. I really hope it wasnt your mum because that is a betrayal of trust if she had those concerns and didnt try to address them first I also would be pretty gutted if I thought my mum had done something like that with the best oif intentions or not

To be honest i think it was your mum simply from the way she straight away said it must have been the hv at her work, normally in that situation someone would say they had no idea and then later on start to wonder if it was the HV.
However, you should not rely on the opinion of strangers over trusting your mother.
Why not tell you mother you are going to have a calm word with the HV about why she reported you as she said several things that were not true and you are wondering why the confusion and why she did not speak to you to find out the situation first, if your mother tries to stop you speaking to her then I suspect she knows full well who called ss.
Alternatively could ti have been the babysitter, or a friend? If you mother had an issue with the house she would more likely have mentioned it to you?

12 week olds do not show any signs of being ready for food, ever. Someone clearly was worried enough about your child to speak to someone. Take any advice given and be happy that it is going no further.

Your mum may not have reported you directly, but if she was having a good old birch to the HV, and flamming it up a but, so your slightly messy house was "filthy", etc, the HV may have felt obliged to report it.

What were your reasons for the baby rice? Presumably you thought the baby was hungry, so your mum may have got that from there. You don't need me to tell you that weaning that early is a bad idea, I'm sure

Birch = bitch! Blooming bowdlerising iPhone...

mrsstephenfry your post comes across a bit as if you think it would have been appropriate for the complaint to go further?

Or is it the "wordsonascreen"t thing and it reads a bit differently from what you meant?

Meant to say OP how distressing for you and especially the possibility that it was your mum.

I would also almost certainly cut contact with someone who reported me.

Being reported is not nice. I Know. but I am happy for you that ss came and have decided that everything is o.k. This is good. Ss never cameto visit me, because there were not good enough grounds. But for those that don't understand, being accused of neglect, abuse, or both, is a horrible thing to be accused of, if you think you have done nothing wrong/ think you have been referred for no good reason.So you have our sympathies , OP. Hope you can get over this.

Doesn't a HV, have to inform the mum, that they are reporting them to SS ?
I was told I was being reported. A GP phoned me. As it was ,ss decided not to visit. But atleast I KNEW.
But why is Op was refered by a hv, why did the hv not tell her ? Aren't they dutybound. It must have come as a shock. surely, thta shouldn't have happened.

Not at all, I'm sure that if whoever investigated thinks it need not then that is correct. I'm saying that clearly someone was worried enough to talk to someone which should at the least make you evaluate if there is something you can do better.

I agree with oblomov and also think it is correct that if a HV or other professional reports you they have to tell you first unless they think that telling you will result in immediate harm.

Mrsstephen fry that's OK I thought you probably meant that! Incidentally someone could have reported her maliciously, it's not certain that it was out of genuine concern. And SS have said she is fine so I don't think she needs to evaluate what she is doing. That way paranoia lies.

I think most babies get all those things at some point...... I suppose it depends on whether you are following the advice you have been given on treating them.
Nappy rash - leave her nappy off as much as possible, put her on her changing mat on a towel to kick. Use cream at every change, ensure all her creases are dry before putting her nappy back on.
Cradle cap - rub olive oil into her scalp 2-3 times per day, bath in just water.
Depends on how dirty the house is - surfaces in the kitchen should be immaculate, especially when preparing bottles and sterilising equipment. If its just a few bits on the carpet, dirty marks on cupboards then so what.
Unless a HV recommends early weaning then babies should wait until 5-6 months. If they are hungry then more milk is usually fine, if they start to vomit because they can't tolerate the extra volume then baby rice would be recommended.

I am a HV and would definately not have reported just on what you have told us. I may have phoned to ask if everything was well if I didn't see you in clinic for a while and someone had passed comment. I would have offered advice and a visit if you wanted or to book the next review at home. We do this at 3-4 months anyway. Referral would be a last resort if the baby continued to have the same problems, indicating that they were not being treated effectively.i.e. neglect.