to be upset that someone anonymous has reported me to social services about the welfare of my daughter?

[BlueKangaroo22]

They knocked my door this morning.
They said they had recieved anonymous information saying my home is dirty, that I am not feeding my daughter (she is 13 weeks old and weighs over 14lb) that she has oral thrush (she did, long since cleared up) nappy rash (she just has a sore bum has she has done since she was born, all I can do really is put cream on) cradle cap (which we are currently in process of trying to clear)

The thing is, I think it is my mum. She disagrees with the fact that a couple of times we have had her babysat. and last week, with good reason i tried her on baby rice, it obviously wasnt right for her so i havent given her any since then.
I have spoken to her and she has denyed it but it is awful to say but I cannot think of anyone else who would do this.
She says when she spoke to the hv at her work with regards to the weaning thing, she gave her my name so it might be from that, so where do the allegations come from then??

I'm so angry and upset, I don't know why someone would do this. For the record the woman from the social said she seemed fine to her, happy etc.

Yy anxiouselephant SS referral is for risk of neglect / abuse.

Not just because someone is doing something a bit out of kilter with guidelines.

SS report isn't about evaluating what you are doing and tweaking, it means someone thinks you are really harming your child or there is a real risk of you doing so.

And of course that's why it's so upsetting to be reported and to have SS come and look at you. Someone thinks you are a danger to your children and they are coming to judge you.

I agree with those who say they would never speak to someone who did this again - I too had a malicious complaint and I too got signed off straight away as absolutely fine but it is the most distressing thing to go through and once it happens once you feel in constant dread of everything you do in case they turn up again. Its horrific and if your mother has done this I am afraid I would be cutting her off. Mums should support and advise, not be gossipy controlling witches determined to cause trouble.

I think the OP could do with the old fashioned health visiting service, where a health visitor would come out to EVERY mother and give support. A baby should not be given baby rice at 13 weeks. Its mistaken parenting rather than abuse. A mother who gives baby rice at 13 weeks is desperate and may need support. It is awful having broken nights and two pre schoolers. Maybe your mother was worried for your emotional wellbeing.

Prehaps your mother thought that you would get visited by the health visitor like happened when you were a baby. She may not have realised that the health visitor would pass her concerns to social services.

I agree with Sardine. some of you do not understand what an actual referal to SS is.
Is not a there there, maybe mum needs a bit more help/support. Its not, oh mum is using this brand of nappies and not that, giving 13 oz instead of 11. This is serious. It is an acqusation of ABUSE. Or NEGLECT. Or both. Not just a 'bit of bad parenting'. Or 'not quite going with the guidelines'.
They are saying that they think the child is in DANGER.
Please don't underestimate what a serious thing, this Op is actually being accused of.

No, they are saying that someone else thinks your child is in danger, and they are going to see if there is any merit in that. Not quite the same thing.

You might also want to take a minute and see how many times posters on here are recommended to call social services, call a HV, call someone when they are concerned for lots of reasons about other peoples children.

reallytired the OP talked to her health visitor about giving the baby the rice before she did it, so presumably her own health visitor suggested/agreed it in the first place.

OP and all her family think she is doing really well.

yes mrsstephenfry a report to SS is to do with risk of abuse or neglect.

Feeding a spoonful of baby rice to a baby with agreement of HV, and then stopping when she spits it out is neither abusive nor neglectful.

Ditto cradle cap, treated oral thrush, or persistent nappy rash that is being treated appropriately.

I don't think you are following.

SS coming to talk to you because someone has called them does not constitute SS making an accusation of neglect or abuse. It means someone else has some concerns in that area and they need to determine whether there are grounds.
If they go away happy there is no accusation and no investigation. It is not a serious thing, there is no suggestion at that point that you have done anything wrong.

How you might feel about this happening is an entirely different matter, but those are the facts of it.

Yeees

Someone reporting you to SS means that they think there is a chance that you might neglect or abuse your child, or are already doing so.

So the idea that someone has looked at you with your children and come to this conclusion is terribly upsetting.

Not least if the person who has looked at you and come to that conclusion is your own mother.

" It is not a serious thing, there is no suggestion at that point that you have done anything wrong. "

Of course it is a serious thing. And there is a suggestion you have done something wrong - you have been reported to SS.

I'm not going to go over it again, except to say ..SS come to see IF it is a serious thing, and they have gone away saying not. Therefore, NOT SERIOUS THING.

Terribly upsetting, yes I'm sure. Accusation of neglect BY SS, none, since they have concluded no need to investigate.

Why are you sighing and being so arsey, mtsstephenfry?

I am beginning to wonder if that initial post was meant differently after all.

"Terribly upsetting, yes I'm sure". How dismissive.

Try this mrs sf

The police turn up at your house
They say that someone has reported that you have been viewing illegal pornography online
They check your computer and question you at length
They can't find any evidence of illegal pornography and go away

Upsetting? YES!
Serious? YES!

health professionals say :"If I have concerns that a child is being abused or neglected, I must act."
I.e. if I have concerns, I must report/refer to ss.
So if you are refered to ss, the person who makes the referal is concerned. This means that they have concerns that a child is being abused or negelcted. You are being accused or abuse or neglect.
It is at the referal stage that the acqusation is made.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe re: sore bum. Could your DD have cows milk protien intolerance? I know it sounds silly but my ds2 had a really sore bum from birth and I tried everything to clear it up. It was only a month ago, when he was 12 months old, I gave him some cows milk to drink & his bum went from sore to damn right excrutiating sad did I realise it was the cows milk. I cut it out of his diet & cut it out of mine (he's still BF) and the rash/blisters/bleeding cleared up almost overnight.

I didn't know there was a link! My DD had very bad reflux that wasn't sorted out until she was 3 when I took her off dairy. She often had a terrible sore bum. Are you saying they could be linked?

I give up.

MrsStephenFry you seem to be misunderstanding everyone else. No one is saying that she is being accused by SS. But the very fact that someone has decided there is risk to your child and reported it is quite a serious thing? The fact that they have ruled there is nothing wrong does not take away from that.
And yes, it would be awfully upsetting as someone has accused you of abuse/neglect (even if not SS)

But you go ahead and insinuate everyone else is missing the point eh? [hhmm]

Anyone who thinks that being reported to SS is not a big deal should report themselves anonymously and come back when they know what they are talking about.

But don't actually do it because apart from anything else, anyone who reports someone to Social Services for trivial reasons is sabotaging the system and endangering children who do need help.

Some child won't get help because SS are chasing someone who has been reported 'cos they told me on MN that its good to report someone even for the tiniest thing'

mrsstevenfry being reported to SS even when you know yourself to be innocent is soul destroying. You start living your life looking over your shoulder, wondering if any minute sign of imperfection will get your child taken away. That is not good for your child either..

The bit someone said about it being the emergency duty social worker who initially follows up reports. I know that but still feel it takes away from the vulnerable as following up on a malicious complaint could delay that SW from following up on a genuine concern. I don'think anyone is against people raising genuine concerns, it is the ridiculous and malicious complaints that people have issue with.

It won't have come via the HV that your mum knows. Even if this HV was concerned she'd have contacted your HV who would then have come round to see you, see how you were doing. She'd have then decided if she was worried and if she was she'd have told you she was going to contact Social Services to see if you needed support.

I don't buy this "other HV" story either, viva.

(And I'm a poet and I don't know it )

and you know this is a "ridiculous and malicious complaint" how exactly? Cos the OP said so or your magic internet radar for such things?

minus I read minus273's post that she was speaking from her own experience in the first part of her post.

And that she was speaking in general in the second part.

So your response doesn't seem to follow.

Am I right in thinking that your approach is "there's no smoke without fire" and in fact the OP is neglecting or abusing her child? Based on what, exactly?