to be upset that someone anonymous has reported me to social services about the welfare of my daughter?

[BlueKangaroo22]

They knocked my door this morning.
They said they had recieved anonymous information saying my home is dirty, that I am not feeding my daughter (she is 13 weeks old and weighs over 14lb) that she has oral thrush (she did, long since cleared up) nappy rash (she just has a sore bum has she has done since she was born, all I can do really is put cream on) cradle cap (which we are currently in process of trying to clear)

The thing is, I think it is my mum. She disagrees with the fact that a couple of times we have had her babysat. and last week, with good reason i tried her on baby rice, it obviously wasnt right for her so i havent given her any since then.
I have spoken to her and she has denyed it but it is awful to say but I cannot think of anyone else who would do this.
She says when she spoke to the hv at her work with regards to the weaning thing, she gave her my name so it might be from that, so where do the allegations come from then??

I'm so angry and upset, I don't know why someone would do this. For the record the woman from the social said she seemed fine to her, happy etc.

Why would somebody report you because your baby has cradle cap?! There's nothing you can do about it, it's definitely not a sign of neglect. Also, babies are often born with thrush, if you treated your baby for it then again, that is not something to report to SS.

Whoever reported you sounds a bit loony and like they had an agenda. At least the social worker seemed to think all was OK.

Weird though, I would be upset if I was you, especially considering what you say about your mum, so no YANBU.

your mum is just mean and bitchy. I dont think she has done this because she is concerned and i do not belive that the HV has reported you (How would she know its a dirt house, cradle cap etc).

Do you generally have a good relationship with your mum? or does she normally try to put you down, undermine you etc?

What I find most annoying about something like this is that it diverts limited resources from families and children who really need it. Malicious calls mean that a social worker is wasting time looking at a family that is actually coping reasonably well instead of dealing with a family where there is a real risk of neglect or abuse. Yes, it's good in principle that a system exists where people can voice their concerns, but not when the system is abused like this. It's no different to making fake 999 calls, in effect. If your mum really has done this, I'm afraid you might have a toxic relationship.

What a horrible thing to do to your own daughter

do she often behave maliciously??

My home isn't particularly tidy at the moment with a toddler - I'd hate a professional to come in unnanounced after the baby comes...

But I did think it took more than an untidy/dirty house to get reported.

if there is no cause for concern, no need to worry

i am glad SS are so on the ball

Social Services are there to help. Don't be scared of them - particularly not if your daughter is n ot in any danger. SOcial services will generally see through any troublemaking. They have a duty to investigate all reports.

I work for the Local Authority in childrens services and agree with Tenebrist, the Social workers I work with are already stretched, some with approx 45+ cases, the last thing they need is malicious, silly calls and having to divert their attention from urgent cases. Glad they thought everything was ok op.

My mum reported me to SS

They have seen for themselves she is unbalanced and are helping me move far away from her

every cloud and all that

OP it is a horrible awful feeling but if SS are happy then it should stop your mum in her tracks

I would try not to dwell on it too much, anger uses too much energy, put it behind you and concentrate on your DD

Good luck

There is a difference between a "dirty" house, and a cluttered house.

Not that I am saying OP has got either.

Mine had terrible nappy rash too. I think some babies are more prone to it. I used Metanium, the best thing I found!

Have you got thrush cream for the nappy rash? My son had oral and nappy thrush.

But are you sure it's your mum?

Your mum disagreed with you giving the baby some baby rice? So why would she tell social services that you weren't feeding the baby at all?

Had you already had a conversation about the house being a mess? Couldn't she make herself useful and help you?

If it was your mum, what would be her reason for reporting you? Would she gain anything from it, in her opinion (eg fostering rights)?

What HiddenHome said.

A baby rice/weaning dispute sounds like the stupidest reason ever to report somebody to SS.
I think you were daft to try baby rice, so early, but only daft, no worse, so yanbu.

I'm racking my brains and can't come up with a reason why ANYONE would have reason to think I am abusing/neglecting my daughter, it has really gotten me upset. They said they didn't know who had contacted them about it but is there any way I can ask them if they have the number of the person who gave them the info or would they not be allowed to divulge that sort of information?

I know it's easy to say but calm down. SS have been, they have absolutely no problems with how you are raising your daughter and "racking your brains" trying to figure out who reported you will just make you stressed and angry.

On another note re: sore bum. Could your DD have cows milk protien intolerance? I know it sounds silly but my ds2 had a really sore bum from birth and I tried everything to clear it up. It was only a month ago, when he was 12 months old, I gave him some cows milk to drink & his bum went from sore to damn right excrutiating did I realise it was the cows milk. I cut it out of his diet & cut it out of mine (he's still BF) and the rash/blisters/bleeding cleared up almost overnight. (ok not quite but you get what I mean)

Ps: it may be coincidence but his cradle cap is loads better since cutting out the cows milk too.

Good Luck & Like I said, just concentrate on your dc.

I think that people who report others on the basis of having an untidy house are living in a 1950's timewarp. You are not being unreasonable OP. I'd be livid.

A stinkingly dirty house; fair enough to report. Your average lived-in dwelling; no need!

Sw have no need to visit or assess happy attached infants having established no further action case will be closed.I can appreciate you felt distraught and scared. They won't reveal source,and as much as it is tempting don't waste to much emotional energy on who. If it was family it's a big why though

I am a bit that people (more than a couple) would never speak to someone again if they spoke to SS about them. I have worked for SS and have also had cause to call them with concerns. I took this VERY seriously and only called when I was sure that the mother wasn't coping despite being offered many kinds of help and that my reasons were pure. SWs are there to help and support.

Just so everyone is aware, if you believe that a child is being neglected or abused it is your legal obligation to call SS. You are not the professional. If a child is harmed, all these people who feel so strongly that SS should not be called would be up in arms. Better to call when you might be wrong than not call and have a child's injury on your conscience. Maybe someone was not sure if DD was fine and called in case.

SS came, saw everything is fine and left. No actual harm done.

I would be upset but if everything is fine don't worry too much.

what I wouls sauggest gently is that if it's not your mum then who else might it be IE are you sURE you are coping and everything is dandy etc - maybe things are a struggle and people around you are worried?

Nappy rash can be very painful and needs treating properly - have you asked for advice about it? Weaning at 13 weeks isn't great - but hardly a hanging offense

see SS as a possible help though not satan's helpers in sensible shoes.

They are not going to give you the number of who called, even if they still have it.

For nappy rash - bare bottoms and zinc and castor oil cream at each nappy change. Alos, it wouldn't hurt to get her looked at by a doctor in case she is infected.

Cradle cap - perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. It is just dry skin. If you want to try an dget rid of it rub olive oil in to the baby's head then wash off in the morning. Do not pick it off.

Baby rice - 13 weeks is far too early.

Ask your mother if she has said anything to anyone about how you are managing that could have been misconstrewed and then ask her if she has reported you to social services.

I got rid of ds' cradle cap with a nitty gritty comb.

I'm a Childminder and have had 2 malicious reports made about me in the last year so I know how horrible it is to be wondering who has it in for you but both times I have proved I have done nothing wrong but I don't think they'd ever give me the name of the person who complained.

I think it is fine (even desirable) that people who have genuine concerns for the welfare of a child. Malicious complaints are completely different and completely wrong on many levels. It is a vile experience for the parent and quite possibly the child (if old enough to notice) and as someone else said diverts resources which are already stretched away from the truly vulnerable.