To not understand the child free wedding scenario?

[witherhills]

why are children so bad? God forbid they should make a bit of noise
Wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting dc to mine, wouldn't even have entered my head

Been to a few weddings where we have left DS at home, but that's our choice and fortunate to have very keen babysitting mother

each to their own really. Our rule when making our guest list was "we don't want to have to make small talk on our wedding day". Thus meaning people who we hadn't met before (typically a couple of 'plusones'), or those who we have barely exchanged more than a few words with, were given an evening invite. Our day was small, 30pax, and co-incdentally, four children were among them. But, it was our decison. Incdentally, no-one declined an invite, and everyone seemed to have a great day!

Wedding these days are ridiculous events.
I hate the way guests are expected to jump through hoops and fork out massive ammounts of money for the pleasure of being part of someones big vision, and shame on you if you dare to say that something might not suit your budget/family/work.
Last year we couldn't have a holiday because both of DH's brothers decided to have their weddings on weekdays and we had to attend the Stag/Hen weekends, pre-wedding spa/golf days, pre wedding dinners, post wedding dinners, look after a 1yo nephew for the best part of 2 weeks, fork out for bridesmaid shoes, tiaras and a million and one other things, and still all the pair of them go on about is that it was such a shame we didn't make the effort and stay over in the poxy over-priced hotels less than 30 mins away from home.
I generally avoid taking my DC to weddings, and even in family ones where they have to be there I try to get them picked up ASAP

LikeABlackFlameCandleBNQ absolutely.
we all have different priorities for our weddings - no 1 of course is the commitment you are making as a couple.
no 2 for me was that our guests had a good day - but for me esp that my single friends did and i did everything possible to give my single girlfriends a chance to mingle with the eligible men.
bit off the point i know but went to a wedding 2 months before ours. on our table, in the interest of doing 'boy girl' 'boy girl' on the table plan, a lovely single lady in her late 30s was sat between DH and a 10 yr old boy - neither of which exactly presented flirting opportunities!

Hahah, we had a big u-shape with everyone around it, and put all the families down one side and all the single people down the other. Cupid, draw back your bow!

I think infertility is very different to choosing not to have children!!

It is definitely up to the B&G, but no attempts should be made to make parents feel bad if they cannot attend due to childcare situations.

pommedechocolat and you have a special crystal ball that allows you to tell the difference between couples who don't want children, and couples who are covering up their disappointment/distress with their infertility by saying they weren't really too bothered either way?

Not fussed either way as far as kids at a wedding goes!

I went to a wedding where they sat "boy/girl/boy/girl" too. What a disaster. Not interested in the two blokes I was sat between, likewise their disappointment was even more evident. The evening didn't end in disappointment though
to bicurious bridesmaid.

No wildfig I don't. Obviously.

I know some people who have always said they didn't want chilldren and don't have any, if that helps at all?

Has everyone forgot that attending a wedding is actually optional?

Faffalina that is the point Its fine to have a child free wedding but if someone says that they can't come because of childcare issues then fine - just accept friend can't come. Friendship can survive not attending a wedding.
We were invited to 2 with ds last summer on same day and didn't go to either as we were mid weaning/mid moving/just knackered and both involved travelling. Both friendships have survived just fine!

I can remember my cousins wedding when I was six. There are 8 aunties and uncles and 29 cousins of which I am second youngest (so a lot of the children would have been over 14 or 16 or whatever you consider too young for a wedding) . The family photo of the wedding is amazing and is one of the best pieces of family history. Not sure the cousin in question is even still married so the photo and memories are still the best thing she did that day.

When DD was 3 we were invited to a wedding as a family. However I went on my own, as DD was having the terrible twos (but at three), and she wouldn't have sat quietly at all which I didn't think was fair on the bride and groom.

I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself but here goes. When I married my first husband the wedding ended up being child free. We set a budget, financially as we didn't want to clear all our savings (just the wedding ones) and we certainly didn't want to run up debt (surely that is sensible). IT was more we ran out of guest places before reaching the children rather than saying oh no no children.

This resulted in us having a venue that had a maximum capacity of 80 people and that was what we could afford to pay for. We decided the fairest way to set the guest list was to invite our closest relatives. Everyone saying you have to have children seems to agree wedding are all about children.

Her goes with the guest list (dons hard hat for flaming)

The 80 people included us, bride and groom (essential to have a wedding)
Parents (4 people) Its surely natural to have parents of the bride and groom.
Siblings (2 people).

Now at this point if either of us had nieces and/or nephews they would have been invited as our next closest relative but at the time we didn't.

Grandparents (only 2 left).

I make that 10 people.

Next closest were aunts and uncles our parents between them had 13 siblings all of whom were married or in long term relationships (26 people).

Next cousins, all 19 or older as they had grown up by the time we married. Between them they had 27 children, all of whom had partners (52 children).

So that was 10+26+52=88 which caused panic as was over our numbers. We spoke to venue who explained that licence was actually for 90 but they said 80 to be safe so we went ahead and invited all the above as only slightly over. We were actually under as 10 people couldn't come in the end.

Now if we were to invite children we would have had to invite the next generation which consisted of at the time 23 children, 3 of whom were older and had partner so 26 people.

To go 34 over numbers meant another venue which was £8 per head more expensive so would cost over £1000 more plus the extra bus needed to fit everyone in, and all the other extras in.

I'd prefer to attend a child-free wedding myself. Some people with children (ie me) don't want to spend an day and evening with other people's children as well.

Reading a lot of these posts, you'd think that people only organised weddings to be annoying to other people; there really are a lot of grumpy so-and-sos out there, with terribly fixed ideas about The Way Things Should Be.

I have been to umpteen weddings over the years, ranging from close friends to people I've never met before, with children, without children, at home and abroad, and have, without exception, appreciated being invited, looked forward to them and enjoyed them. I don't think I'm in a minority here.

Some weddings have been small, some grand, but all have involved a lot of people working hard to create a lovely day for all concerned. Putting people down as having "bridezilla" tendencies comes across as lazy bitchiness, envy, or a lack of imagination as to the difficulties in organising a large event and trying to please a lot of people simultaneously.

I really can't imagine wanting anyone at a wedding that would be sitting there festering away and seething with thoughts about precious princesses, lack of children and pretentious display, and happily don't think my friends and family in RL have these weird kinds of MN-specific shoulder chips...

YANBU. Weddings, unless they are very small scale, are social events. Children are part of society, however much 'childfree' nutjobs froth about it. People should just get a grip and realise that there is nothing so amazing and special about their exclusive fucking until divorce ceremony that justifies exclusivity. Weddings are not 'their day' or 'about them'- they are about fitting into societal roles, otherwise why would they want to invite anyone else anyway? Lots of people are just a bit dim, though.

Weddings used to be big, family events with all the good and bad that came with them but I think nowadays a lot of couples prefer their weddings to be more elegant and adult - particularly if they don't have their own children yet. They don't want a knees-up in a village hall with little girls dancing in their best puffy sleeves with Grandad, they want classy hotels, champagne, string quartets etc.

Not half as much fun, IMO, but it's not me getting married so I don't really care.

wibbly since I am so dim could you explain how I should have fitted the children in. Should I have excluded my parents, grandparents and a few aunts and uncles to fit them in. IN my stupidity I thought it would be worse to invite half of a group (ie only some aunts and uncles) rather than not invite a whole group of further out relatives.

As far as my dense brain can see the only thing I did wrong was who I married.

went to one on sat and really enjoyed catching up with 2 couples. we all have a toddler and we all got babysitters, even though kids were invited.
also enjoyed being able to give full attention to friends who don't have kids!

I personally dont like child free weddings, I like the whole family to be involved, even the annoying bratty cousins. Its about the joining of families etc etc...
However, I only had 25 adults at my reception (and two foetuses) due to the cost and the venue (posh restaurant, no chicken nuggets for the fussy kids). Though I didnt tell anyone not to bring their children to the ceremony!
There was sulking from one aunt, however incidentally her husband left her a few months later so I'm quite glad she wasnt there!