To not understand the child free wedding scenario?

[witherhills]

why are children so bad? God forbid they should make a bit of noise
Wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting dc to mine, wouldn't even have entered my head

Been to a few weddings where we have left DS at home, but that's our choice and fortunate to have very keen babysitting mother

Some couples don't particularly want to pay through the nose for your children to "make a bit of noise" when they're saying their vows of undying love.
Some people don't like children.
Some people can't afford to have the entire family's kids invited - and rather than it become a battle of emotional blackmail and strops over whose kid can come and whose kid can't... they just point blank ban everyone.

We're invited to a wedding next year - by then if things go according to plan I should have a baby - as soon as we can go public with the pregnancy news (assuming I make it out of the first trimester without another chuffing miscarriage) we're just going to talk to the couple - see what they want to do and if they don't want kids there - I just won't go and hubby will because that's their wish (I don't think they will - but it's their day and it's their call).

The amount of strops and emotional blackmail and bullying that goes on and people think is acceptable in terms of weddings is disgusting. I wanted a child-free wedding - because I wanted a day of not having to avoid all the "awww don't you wanna hold the baby when's it going to be yours" crap that people suffering fertility problems and miscarriages find excruciatingly painful. Sadly my bitch of a cousin decided to ignore it and brought her baby along anyway - meaning I spent half the day dodging those questions and crying in the loos - I will never ever forgive her for that. People on here though think that sort of behaviour is acceptable.

I totally respect peoples' decision to have child-free weddings but I was totally miffed at the last one we went to - having dutifully left our DC at home as instructed - only to be sat at a table with the bride's neices and nephews - no doubt they were just as bored as we were at having to make polite conversation to us through the tasteless meal and tedious speeches.

Not everyone likes being around children. Plenty of people aren't having children these days-out of choice, due to the wonder of contraception. I am in my 30's and more of my friends don't have children than do. Some people love kids, some can't stand them.

I went to a pretty much child-free wedding on Saturday - just a couple of older kids as pageboys etc. We left the DC with the grandparents.

It was marvellous as I got to eat a three-course meal in peace, enjoy adult company and drink lots of champagne

YABU, disagree, but not understand at all???

I understand that some people don't want kids at their wedding - I had children at mine and can totally understand, having a clingy crying toddler in every photo of a certain guest gave me perspective

No one forces you to go to the couples day, and it is their day - it's about them becoming a family not just a big party for people they know. It's their day to celebrate their union as they see fit. If they choose to have a small wedding with just them and 2 witnesses/small handful of people are they wrong as they should have all and sundry there to help them celebrate?

Lots of people are focusing on the children not being invited because the couple don't like kids/don't want to have the day disrupted..

But none of the "all kids should be invited to everything" camp have answered the financial question:

These days couples often pay for their own weddings, and when there is a choice between x couple's children being asked to come with their parents, and having both x and y come, why would you not invite a friend/family member in order to accomodate additional children??? And when/at what age does that stop?

I kid you not that a woman in my office threw a strop that her 20 year old and 17 year old kids were not invited to a collegues wedding! I mean WTactualF, they're adults who are not friends of the B&G FGS... For me it's the same with friends kids, if it's a choice between extra people you want and what are really plus ones tagging along, surely you're going to go for the people you want to celibrate your day?

I agree with the poster before who said no one thinks to invite friends parents, so why are their kids any different?

The best compromise in my mind is what a friend did, she hired three childminders and a magician/kids entertainer and had a "creche" room with lots of activities where all the under 5's were left for the ceremony as stated on the invite, (and any under 10's if they wanted) and as much of the reception as the parents/kids chose.

The couple had the lack of disruption they wanted for their ceremony and the kids LOVED it, (most had no interest in joining the adults) and it meant that everyone got to attend and enjoy the day

I can't understand this "my kids must be with me at all times" attitude, really - do you think your toddler will enjoy sitting quietly in a church and then through a lengthy sit down meal with speaches? TBH if I was invited to a traditional wedding I can't imagine wanting to take 2.3 DS, he would hate having to sit still for all that time!

Wibbly - you sound like an overly entitled guestzilla. Of course weddings are about the couple getting married - everyone else is purely incidental - INCLUDING family.

I don't understand it either...
Why discriminate against a whole group of people because of their age?

Children were more than welcome to our wedding...and they definitely added something.

If people are concerned about numbers then invite less people full stop...cut out the colleagues maybe and the distant friends etc...

Sooo glad that we got married with strangers as witnesses and told everyone afterwards.

They still moaned mind

and I never saw our wedding as being just about us.

We wanted all our guests (the closest people with us) to come along and share the day and enjoy themselves too. They were very much in our thoughts when we planned the details.

Their happiness and comfort mattered very much to us....why would that be strange?

Why discriminate against a whole group of people because of their age?

It's not discriminating between over 18 and under 18, it's discriminating between there people are our friends and these people just happen to share genes with and live in the same house as our friends.

The only kid at my wedding will be mine. She'll probably be the only guest.

What comes across most in this thread is how many people view children as some sort of sub-species. The difference seems to come down to whether you see children as worthwhile people in their own right or humans in waiting. So many comments about not wanting to pay for children as if they are somehow not deserving.

I don't understand people who say they don't like children. Children are just people, the same species as you. Some are nice, some are not so nice. Do you feel the same about elderly people too?

"If people are concerned about numbers then invite less people full stop...cut out the colleagues maybe and the distant friends etc..."

PMSL. Seriously. Didn't have ANY distant friends, no colleagues - actually had to cut out several good friends and some family to keep my numbers down. Children just weren't an option as well. Registry offices have a maximum number, as do a lot of non-church venues - it was hard enough getting down to that number without having children taking up spaces as well.

There have also been however some reports of really terrible behaviour from children (and their parents) at weddings on this thread. If I were pre dc, planning a wedding and saw some of those horrors I might think twice.

I think it's partly a cultural thing.

In my culture, a wedding wouldn't be seen as an adult affair but as something that concerns the whole extended family; children are normally more involved in family discussions and decisions generally; there is less concern about health and safety; far less concern about children only eating the right things or not staying up past a certain hour; children would be more used to fitting in with adults and expected to do so.

Which is fair enough. But not the only way of doing things. Different people have different ideas.

If someone's throwing a party for whatever reason it's entirely up to them who they do and don't invite.
Some people love kids at weddings, some people don't.

The problems start when guests don't respect their hosts' wishes and kick up a stink because they've been asked that if they choose to attend they don't bring their children. Lord knows we've seen enough enough of that on AIBU to last us a lifetime.

Guillotined I wouldn't say I don't like children, but their conversation isn't usually up to much and I'd be lying if I said that my heart wouldn't sink if I had to spend a three hour wedding breakfast talking to a child.

So I don't dislike them, but I don't find them super-interesting.

Take the point but I don't particularly want to listen to my mother's 85 year old next door neighbour banging on about his rose bushes but he still came to my wedding and I wouldn't have dreamed of eliminating him on his age or how interesting he was to me.

Like I said above, it's different if you don't actually know the children or have a relationship with them but I can't get my head around why someone wouldnt invite their neices or godchildren etc.

I think it's very telling that those who don't mind a child free wedding don't give a monkeys what anybody else does.
Those who think all children should be invited to all weddings are rude and judgemental. " childfree nutjobs " just one example.
For all those spouting the passive aggressive " it's about the marriage not the wedding " something tells me the divorce is probably no higher for those who had childfree weddings than those who didn't.

*divorce rate.

Yes, but 85-year old gardeners tend to be able to sit quietly for a ceremony and some speeches. The children that we knew when we got married were all very young and at the tantrum age, or the running around at the front while the parents smile on thinking it's cute age (I'd seen how they behave in church). If I'd had a screaming child at my wedding, or a child who came up and pulled on my dress, or similar, I would have broken down and struggled to say my vows. :( Why should I risk that?

For what it's worth, I had no collegues at my wedding and only one friend, so that we could keep things very small and easy for me to manage. And I did invite a couple of awkward older relatives (but had other family members who were primed to keep them under control for the vital bits!).

You invited your mother's next door neighbour?

Is that why you are insisting that people should invite people who they don't want to their weddings, because you were forced to?

For everyone saying attendance is optional, how many threads have there been on here about Brides and Grooms not inviting children then having a strop when people can't attend.

Posted too soon.
The optional thing works two ways.

Fairplay I re-read my posts and I do sound A bit of a knob, really I think it's a personal choice thing and find it funny how people read into what everyone says on here. I don't dislike our culture so much as wish it was more child friendly. Yep the grass is always greener.