to feel that the mess is getting out of control thanks to DH?

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

My DH has never been the tidiest person but things are getting out of hand now and I am really struggling to keep on top of all the washing, cooking, cleaning, tidying etc, with all the tidying up I have to do after DH.

For starters, he won't clean anything. Ever. He will just about put his plate in the dishwasher after a meal but that is it. If our youngest is in his highchair and DH gets him out, he won't clean the highchair. If I ask him why he hasn't cleaned it he just says "Well I didn't know it needed doing". He leaves cups, glasses, packets, boxes, paperwork, shoes, coats, bags, etc etc piled wherever he goes. The dining table gets piled up on a daily basis with his "stuff". I am expected to cook a meal every evening and dish it up for the kids and he wont' clear the table, so that's yet another thing I have to do on top of sorting 3 kids out.

He never puts any clothes away. Our bedroom floor is literally covered in his clothes, and I mean covered. I have long since given up putting his clothes away for him. I do do his washing and ironing but am debating giving up doing that as he literally takes it upstairs, dumps it on the bedroom floor and he just kicks is around the floor with the rest of his clothes and occasionally gets a big armful of stuff and puts it in the wash basket for me to wash, dirty or clean.

I feel like I never sit down during the day and don't stop tidying yet even in an hour each morning before he leaves for work he manages to make the place filthy and untidy. this morning the house is awful, stuff of his everywhere. I need to do a lot of cleaning again today but it's going to take me at least an hour to tidy all his stuff first. It doesn't help that our toddler is into everything and is quite hard work. I just feel that I am left to do everything, and that he doesn't think, or consider me at all. He was off work yesterday and spent the day dozing or at the computer, whilst I ran around doing everything.

Oh and he regularly calls me lazy, yet if he stopped being messy and helped out a bit in the house it would be a lot better. I am so annoyed.

Have you a spare room? move into it. Let his unwashed clothes stink up his own room - you do not need to go in there, not your problem. Don't wash or iron for him. In the evening, prepare your own meal, nothing for him. When he asks why you tell him that since he contributes nothing to the domestic well-being of the family, you are contributing nothing to his. you are looking after yourself and the children. he can go dirty and unfed or shift for himself.

Please don't anybody jump down my throat, but has he been assessed for adult ADD? I recognise myself in most of these posts about mess (and the excuses that get given for not doing housework) and actually, I'm starting to get a phobic reaction (difficult to explain, but my knees have started to feel 'watery') to what has been written here. I am going to the GP next week to ask for a psych referral because my DP is at his wit's end with me. I have already been through one divorce due to my messiness (and other ADD behaviour - list goes on for pages).

I am NOT doing it to wind him up, or because I'm lazy, or because it's someone else's job. There is just ALWAYS something else I'd rather do, and I just don't "see" mess, the way tidy people do. Nagging me doesn't work, it just puts me on the defensive and I just go into mental shut-down.

Or he may be just be a lazy slob

You have my sympathy op. Dh is like that too. Fortunately he is probably not as bad as its only empy wrappers, glasses etc in lounge. Plus paperwork in study and tbh I am just as bad for that. However, its the washing that annoys me the most. He basically takes off his clothes and dumps them on the floor. I do occassionally pick up smalls and wash them but the rest I leave. Unless they go in the wash basket they don't get washed. If I hoover I pick them up and put them on his side of the bed and dump them on the floor afterwards.
At the moment the situation isn't too bad as my dc are at school and I only work very part time.However, I am now pregnant with a third so appreciate I will have to sort this before new baby comes.

I sympathise OP. My DH is the same & has got more and more lazy since I have been at home all day. He can never manage to find the rubbish bin, can't even manage to close any drawer or cupboard door after himself, leaves hairs all round the bathroom, the rare times he washes up he just piles wet pots on top of the dry on the drainer like some massive game of Jenga, leaves endless cups and glasses all around, refuses to take his dirty shoes off when he comes in preferring instead to traipse filth all over the floors, coats left all over the place etc...

While I see taking care of the house as my "job" and am happy to do the cleaning, washing, cooking etc I do think that he can at least make an effort to keep the house looking nice, he is not a child. In my mind the fact that he thinks nothing of treating the house like a dumping ground is the same as me messing up his work files or deleting his e-mails. It is about him not respecting the effort I have put into tidying and cleaning or respecting the fact that living in a nice home is important to me.

I also think that being home during the week does not mean that I should be responsible for all household chores 7 days a week, every day of the year which he apparently has assumed I am, despite me telling him on numerous occasions that it is not right & that I am tired and bored of being the skivvy 24/7.

I also think that there is a distinction between leaving a dirty mug or plate on the side which can be seen as part of my "job" and leaving a snotty tissue on the table or his dirty washing lying round whatever room he has discarded them in. That to me is where the disrespect is and the taking the piss starts.

I am watching in interest what people are suggesting to deal with this. I am considering the bin bag trick. Hopefully when he sees the volume of crap that I pick up after him he might see the scale of the problem.