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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spent the childrens savings on paying off the credit cards

104 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 10/10/2011 16:06

and leaving us virtually debt free?

We put a fair amount in the kids accounts monthly for when they are older. The money is for when they are 21 or 25, ideally not 18 as I dont want them let loose with loads of cash to fritter away on a pals trip to Ibiza or somesuch.

Anyway, Depression last year made me go out of control a little bit and I racked up the credit cards. I am on medication now and feel better about myself but have been left with 2 credit cards I was struggling to pay each month.

This way I've told myself I'm under no huge pressure to make repayments eachmonth paying them back, I've got plenty of time to pay them back whereas a credit card wont be so forgiving if I can't make the payment each month

I just feel so gulity using their money to do it though.

AIBU , have I done the right thing.

DP has been a bit quiet since I told him i'm doing this

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 10/10/2011 16:07

Good for you!

All my debt relates to my children! And 2 of them will be leaving home next year leaving me to pay it off

NotJustClassic · 10/10/2011 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaredBear · 10/10/2011 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 10/10/2011 16:08

YANBU, I think. Silly to have savings accruing a tiny percent interest when you'll be paying so much more to the credit card company.

wahwahwah · 10/10/2011 16:09

Not ideal, but would your family rather have a roof over their heads or money in the bank? You will put it back, and have learned something here, so please don't beat yourself up over it.

FetchezLaVache · 10/10/2011 16:09

I'm sorry, I think you're being VU. I don't think it'll be easy to pay this amount of cash back and you sound frankly relaxed about your obligation to do so. And I can't believe you didn't run it by your DP first.

Itsjustafleshwound · 10/10/2011 16:09

You have effectively 'saved' their cash at the rate you were paying back on your credit card ... if you put their cash in a savings account - the rates offered aren't even on par with the rate of inflation - the money would actually be devalueing - you have done the right thing!

ClevelandAnnie · 10/10/2011 16:21

YANBU I would have done the same thing.

reallytired · 10/10/2011 16:21

I feel uncomfortable that you don't see paying your children back as a serious matter. I think what you have done is OK provided that you do put the money back with interest. If paying off the credit cards means that your family does not suffer then it is justified.

If you fail to repay the money with a high level of interest borrowed then it is morally wrong.

You need to tear up your credit card so you never have the tempation to max out on the credit card again.

NinkyNonker · 10/10/2011 16:23

Hmmmmm, yanbu I think but I am amazed you didn't talk to your dp first...imagine if the shoe were on the other foot and you came on here posting that your dp had used the kids' savings to pay off his credit card debt without speaking to you first.

There would be uproar.

NinkyNonker · 10/10/2011 16:24

And I would absolutely focus on making repayments back to them.

HoneyPablo · 10/10/2011 16:26

YANBU
It's not really the children's money is it? Not if you have been putting it in the account. Ok, so that may have been the intent, but circumstances change.
I don't see it as morally wrong, tbh. It's only money-it's either there when they are older or it isn't, either way, you deal with that scenerio when it happens.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 10/10/2011 16:26

Yanbu

I bet you never spent the credit on gin and fags. I bet it was things for the house and kids.

Yanbu.

IAmOptimusPrime · 10/10/2011 16:26

YANBU, you put the money into their accounts in the first place so it's not as if you are taking money that came from somewhere else.

It may not be ideal that you've had to spend their savings but put it down to experience and vow never to get in that position again. Like others have said better to be debt free.

verlainechasedrimbauds · 10/10/2011 16:27

It is financially very sensible. However, it would be good if you can try to pay money back into their accounts on a regular basis, in the same way that you would have had to pay back the credit card balance. I think I would have been inclined to talk it over with DP though.

Once you and he have worked out how much sense it makes financially (you could do the sums together), I expect he will understand and see it as sensible planning.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 10/10/2011 16:28

People can't say she has to pay her DC back. She put the money away wth the INTENTION of it being for them. It's not like she''s spent Granny's inheritance.

She can start again. I would start again...not "pay it back"

YourCallIsImportant · 10/10/2011 16:29

You've done the right thing. Their savings will be earning next to no interest while your CC interest will be Shock.

As long as the money is there for them when the time comes, then it's a smart move on your part.

I'd take on board the advice about cutting up your CCs though, they're the devil's work when depression strikes. I hope you're feeling better now.

Kayano · 10/10/2011 16:31

Are we starting again until next time? I'm sorry but I think it's an all too easy way out when you caused it by overspending on credit cards...

Yes do it this once but I think it's quite unreasonable and what's going to stop you doing it again?
Makes me feel uneasy tbh

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 16:32

It makes sense when you think about it but are you absolutely sure you're going to be able to pay all the money back to the kids?

Have you actually cut up the cards now?

Between now and the time the kids are due their money, will you end up taking another credit card?

Also you say 'we' put a fair amount of money in the kids accounts...so how come you get to tell your DP that you're doing this?

Surely a discussion about the money you both saved for them is in order here?

NorksAkimbo · 10/10/2011 16:37

We just did the same thing, so don't feel bad! We really wrestled with the decision, but in the end, they are 4 and 5, we will replace the money, and I hope we are raising children who will grow up to be people who would have gladly given their money to make us all a bit more peaceful.

Our debt was a result of a cowboy builder who walked off with our savings, so once we're completely out of it, we'll be able to replace the childrens' money pretty fast.

PigletJohn · 10/10/2011 16:39

"We" put it in and "I" took it out?

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 10/10/2011 16:40

YANBU.

I should think a fair few people might end up dipping into their childrens savings in the next few years.

It's money YOU have put aside for them, you could have chosen to never do so in which case it would be your money anyway.

Children need unstressed parents and providing for, far more then they need money in the bank.

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 16:40

That's the part I don't like, yet so many people think the OP is not BU? Confused

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 16:41

Sorry my last post was to PigletJohn

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 10/10/2011 16:42

I think you should have discussed it with your dh prior to doing it.
However, what you've done is actually the most sensible. Just budget and work out what you can save for them again.