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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spent the childrens savings on paying off the credit cards

104 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 10/10/2011 16:06

and leaving us virtually debt free?

We put a fair amount in the kids accounts monthly for when they are older. The money is for when they are 21 or 25, ideally not 18 as I dont want them let loose with loads of cash to fritter away on a pals trip to Ibiza or somesuch.

Anyway, Depression last year made me go out of control a little bit and I racked up the credit cards. I am on medication now and feel better about myself but have been left with 2 credit cards I was struggling to pay each month.

This way I've told myself I'm under no huge pressure to make repayments eachmonth paying them back, I've got plenty of time to pay them back whereas a credit card wont be so forgiving if I can't make the payment each month

I just feel so gulity using their money to do it though.

AIBU , have I done the right thing.

DP has been a bit quiet since I told him i'm doing this

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 10/10/2011 16:43

there's another thread about how a DH got a bonus at work, spent some on himself and some on the kids, DW is being told this is financial abuse.

obviously that's entirely different.

WoeIsMeAgain · 10/10/2011 16:44

if it was him that took it out & spent it on money he had racked up and didnt tell OP, i think we would have had Leave The Bastard, controlling, abusive, deceptive, uttered by now Grin

squeakytoy · 10/10/2011 16:45

It isnt their money, it is your money. Just because you intend to give it to the kids at a later date doesnt make it theirs.

Circumstances change, and it is pointless accumulating debt when you have the money sitting there.

Kayano · 10/10/2011 16:46

Totally agree woels Sad

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 10/10/2011 16:48

YANBU, but I can't believe you did this without discussing it with your DP.

And you need to address the reason why you spent so much in the first place, because now that you've used the children's savings there isn't that safety net to fall back on.

As a side issue, I find it a bit odd that you are putting money aside for your children, rather than having savings of your own. I think you should do a bit of financial planning.

picnicbasketcase · 10/10/2011 16:50

I think it was quite sensible, provided you will start again with saving. Not only because it's good for them to have some money for when they need it, but because you do feel guilty already. If it got to a point where they needed a deposit for a house, car etc and you knew that they would have had the money otherwise, you'd feel awful.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 10/10/2011 16:51

YANBU. Having recently got rid of a large CC debt it is infinitely better to get rid of that. However, I think you now owe it to your children to view paying back their money with as much seriousness as you would a CC debt. Regardless of how they got the money, you gave it them, it was theirs and wiping the slate clean and starting again with their savings as one poster suggested is pretty horrible.

And you should have discussed it with your DP first. How old are the children?

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 16:52

The point is the OP and her DP have been putting a 'fair amount' of money away for the kids every month.

The OP went out of control and racked up CC debts.

Yet the OP has told her DP what is going to happen with their money.

Where's the discussion here? I thought that's what couples did...discuss things?

TalkinPeace2 · 10/10/2011 16:53

YANBU
On ONE condition
that you today set up a standing order equal to the most recent repayment amounts on the credit card debts into their accounts

that way you will replenish their savings at the rate you would have been paying the credit card company
and will not be tempted to run up unaffordable bills again.

HappyMummyOfOne · 10/10/2011 16:56

I think it depends on who earnt the money, if you do from working and are borrowing it as a loan that you will put back within x months then whilst not ideal its not the end of the world.

However if your DP is the one who earnt it or part of it and you have now taken the savings without asking to pay off your debt then YABVU.

LydiaWickham · 10/10/2011 16:58

sorry, but YABU - you and your DP saved that money, he probably saw it as a way of paying for Uni/setting them up in life, now that's just gone on the debt you ran up, and you seem to be rather relaxed about how you are going to replace the money you took from your DCs. If I was your DP, I'd think it was fine words that you'd replace it, until next time you decided to run up debts again.

You have to save up each month the equal amount, cut up the credit cards and make it clear to your DP you have 'borrowed' the money from your DCs, not 'taken' it.

LydiaWickham · 10/10/2011 16:59

oh, and the replacement fund should go into accounts just in the DCs names - not yours. You shouldn't have the opportunity to do this again.

Itsjustafleshwound · 10/10/2011 17:04

IIRC children have to be at least 7 before they can have their own bank accounts.

But it makes financial sense to pay off the ccs - regardless of who made the decision ... and who earned the cash doesn't come into it at all!!!

wigglesmonsterock · 10/10/2011 17:09

You did the right thing, my parents put a little bit of money away for my children every month. Not a lot but it has added up over the past five years or so. My dad lost his job a while back and they were finding things difficult, I marched them down to the bank to withdraw the money. Being debt free now or as close to it as you can get will benefit the family. Start saving again for them and get rid of the cards.

PrincessTamTam · 10/10/2011 17:23

YANBU - it is clearly the sensible thing to do. It seems you should definitely sit down and talk to your DP about it though, if as you say he's gone a bit quiet... Its the sort of thing that can cause lots of problems if you leave it to fester, I am sure you intend to make up as much of the money as feasibly possible and once he understands this he will probably be fine.

Worra - The OP had depression when she 'went out of control and racked up cc debts' and if you have no experience of this you wont understand how difficult it is to control. It is an illness and we should be mindful of that before jumping on her.

toutlemonde · 10/10/2011 17:26

I agree with the poster above who says you sound relaxed about your obligation to pay the money back. Assuming you have the income to do so in a reasonable amount of time, I think the temptation to run up the credit cards again will be hard for you to resist.

It isn't really the children's money until they have access to it, but I wonder how much of the money was put away by your DP rather than yourself.

Financially the best option was to use family savings to pay off the credit cards, but I think you should now change the children's accounts so only your partner is able to withdraw from them in the future.

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 17:32

Worra - The OP had depression when she 'went out of control and racked up cc debts' and if you have no experience of this you wont understand how difficult it is to control. It is an illness and we should be mindful of that before jumping on her.

Far from 'jumping' on her I haven't even mentioned the depression Hmm

The reason I haven't mentioned it is because the fact remains two adults saved that money and one adult has decided what will be done with it alone.

That's not a partnership imo.

porcamiseria · 10/10/2011 17:33

I think YABU, but understand why

what is the plan to repay their savings and how much did u use

pigletmania · 10/10/2011 17:35

I have to say yabu now rip up the credit cards, and get a debit card instead

LaWeasel · 10/10/2011 17:36

I think you are wrong.

But I am the child of someone with serial mental health related debt problems, so I am horribly biased by personal experience.

banana87 · 10/10/2011 17:36

YANBU, you are being responsible. Well done!

Now work to put back those savings!

pigletmania · 10/10/2011 17:37

And start saving up again for the dc

Chandon · 10/10/2011 17:39

If it is any comfort, our kids don't have a savings account.

Chandon · 10/10/2011 17:39

must add I also don't have a credit card

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 10/10/2011 17:52

I actually think you are being unreasonable although i can see why.
The main reason is not runnning it by your dh but also your lack of concern with putting money back into savings for your dcs. I can see why your husband is possibly upset he has thought he has provided a little for his childrens future and now its gone.
My parents spent savings that my grandparents had made for my sister and I on a similar thing and while it has never really upset me i dont think i could do this to my children unless I needed the money for real essentials (think no money for food etc).