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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to smash the laptop over his head? I'm so angry!!!

348 replies

NewShooz · 09/10/2011 12:11

DH popped out to the shops this morning and left his facebook page open on his messages page. I noticed there was a conversation on there between him and a girl he used to work with, in which they had both put 'love and miss you xxx' to each other at the bottom.

So, yes you've guessed it, Me being the idiot I am decided to read the whole conversation and wish I bloody hadn't! I have NEVER checked his emails or phone before by the way, I completely trusted him and had no reason or interest enough to do it.

Anyway, he was basically coming on to her, asking to see pictures of her boobs, saying that he would go up and spend the night with her but 'don't tell newshooz lol' And also said he wasn't getting enough sex from me.

AIBU to be so angry and upset by this? We ended up having a row, well more like me shouting at him, and he said nothing has happened and that he was just messing about but he can understand why it looks bad. He's now gone out and I'm sat here wandering wtf has just happened!!!

OP posts:
stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 09/10/2011 20:26

sounds ok to me Smile

AnyCorpseFucker · 09/10/2011 20:26

no, don't contact her on FB...bad, bad idea

your problem is with your idiotic husband

MothInMyKecks · 09/10/2011 20:27

I agree with ACF (Is that you, AF?)
Be angry and harden up. You have to investigate these things if you're to get through this with any shred of self-preservation.

MothInMyKecks · 09/10/2011 20:28

No, leave her out of the equation.

Focus on him.

Original poster
NewShooz · 09/10/2011 20:29

He definitely hasn't got another phone, I'm confident of that. But the work email is the one I need to see.

Yes Stepaway apparently someone asked her before DH to see her boobs and she giggled, so DH thought he would join in. Mature eh? But I can understand the having to be one of the lads and join in at work (IF you really must you knob head) But to say it on facebook, and then carry on with other suggestions is taking the piss right?

OP posts:
stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 09/10/2011 20:30

yeah on reflection probably not a good idea just thought it may shed some more info. get going on the investigation looking for evidence. I would have been through phones, paperwork, jacket pockets everything by now.

MothInMyKecks · 09/10/2011 20:32

At the very least, he's been acting like a childish, thoughtless, disloyal twat.
At the very most, he's a cheating, thoughtless husband and father. And a twat.

sand12 · 09/10/2011 20:32

Anycorpse you are right You need to think like a investigator my ex had bank accounts abroad I could write a book on what he got upto please New check him out big time you have to think about DD and put her first because obviously he hasn't Fukwit fukwit he is a waste of space I'm sorry I know you love him but u need 2 put DD 1st x

Original poster
NewShooz · 09/10/2011 20:33

And make me feel better stepaway Grin

He is a nightmare with clothes etc I ALWAYS have to clear out his pockets before washing etc and I have never found any receipts or anything suspicious ever. That's why it's all come as such a shock tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
NewShooz · 09/10/2011 20:34

Bloody hell Sand, I'm sorry you have been through so much shit x

OP posts:
stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 09/10/2011 20:34

depends on what was actually said, what the office jokes were and whether you felt it was a serious suggestion from him, not making excuses here its still well out of order just playing devil's advocate and seeing it in a different way to see if it changes the situation in any way for newshooz after all we haven' t seen the e-mail nor do we know DH

< stands back and cowers>

TheOriginalFAB · 09/10/2011 20:35

You need to see his work email now. Do it now.

weeonion · 09/10/2011 20:37

newshooz - hope you are ok tonight. thinking of you.

Original poster
NewShooz · 09/10/2011 20:41

Thank you weeonion x Mumsnet, Wine and Xfactor is helping. Just dreading bedtime.

OP posts:
AnyCorpseFucker · 09/10/2011 20:41

moth yes, this is AF Smile

MothInMyKecks · 09/10/2011 20:45

Ah - fancied a change? Smile

Original poster
NewShooz · 09/10/2011 20:45

Stepaway, tbh he is the most loveliest man ever, and is so protective of me, he hates it if anyone upsets me or anything. Which is why I feel so let down by him.

Deep down I think I do believe that he hasn't cheated and never would, but as I've said it really hurt seeing him write those things to some gril at work. Especially the show me your boobs comment. because he knows how insecure I am about mine after breast feeding, they're ruined!

And as for the 'love you' Yeah ok, he said it was a jokey 'Love ya' NOT 'I love you' but that bloody hurts too, the only other men I say that to is my Dad and brother ffs

OP posts:
AnyCorpseFucker · 09/10/2011 20:45

NS, I am also drinking wine and watchin XFactor

I have correctly predicted so far who is going home Smile

I hope you are ok, love

keep your wits about you

I haven't decided yet if your husband has committed a binning offence...the jury is out

More info needed

I hope you will find out as much as you can, and not take that tempting route of asking no more questions

all the best, and stick with this thread

No one wants your marriage to go down the pan, I assure you of that

but neither does anyone want to see you taken for an imbecile

AnyCorpseFucker · 09/10/2011 20:47

moth seasonal name change innit

I don't really fancy fucking corpses Wink

MothInMyKecks · 09/10/2011 20:47

OP, don't go to bed thinking because you won't sleep.
Go to bed exhausted, and sleep will come looking for you.
I couldn't rest until the work email is looked at.
It's your Right to feel safe in your own marriage, and a step towards this is looking at his work email.

AnyCorpseFucker · 09/10/2011 20:48

not that it is up to me if you bin your DH of course Smile

MothInMyKecks · 09/10/2011 20:49

AF - thought you were getting all Halloween-ee on us Grin

MothInMyKecks · 09/10/2011 20:51

Good luck OP. I'm hoping that your H has been an arse. That at least is something that can be saved after the arse has been well and truly kicked

Original poster
NewShooz · 09/10/2011 20:55

Grin Anycorpse

But seriously Thank you for answering. I really don't know what I would have done without being able to vent on here. Oh no, I'm not drunk and emotional already am I? Blush

Moth, you are right, I really need to try and clear my head before bed otherwise I won't sleep at all. Unfortunately I can't get totally bladdered and pass out because I have my DD.

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Original poster
NewShooz · 09/10/2011 20:58

Moth, Hopefully it IS just the one off incident of DH being a totally insensitive disloyal fuckwit and we get get through this.

Still it won't do him any harm to have to stay at his parents for a night or two will it?!

OP posts: