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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel totally let down by my bridesmaid

388 replies

deathlyhallows · 07/10/2011 15:55

Ok so I am getting married next week and I have 3 lovely bridesmaids , 2 of whom have been fantastic and really been there for me. I am quite an independent person and have done mostly everything for myself but they have offered to do loads and of anything I have asked they have either done or been so apologetic if they couldn't . But the third ...

Has been so uninterested . Hasn't done one thing to help , has come to nothing unless it has to do with her (ie dress fittings hair and make up) and the wedding is next week and I have seen her a handful of times in the last 3 months . Whenever I text her about wedding stuff she either doesn't get back to me or texts me with a brief reply that doesn't help saying she's been busy at work and is too busy to think about it . And even on her days off she says she needs for herself cos she is so busy at work .

AIBU to think she should be making time for me ?

OP posts:
begonyabampot · 07/10/2011 21:34

Op = hope you have a lovely wedding and everything goes well. Hope you can look back on all this and laugh about it. Give her a break folks - she's getting married next week, it can be quite stressful.

helpmabob · 07/10/2011 21:35

So has she drifted out of your life completely? Did you used to see each other more regularly? Is that what this is about?

If this is whats upsetting you, I would maybe start a new thread and reword it because right now everyone posting on here is probably only going to talk about the bridesmaid aspect.

Spuddybean · 07/10/2011 21:36

i'm loving some of the comments on this thread 'had to let her go' has to be a classic. i wonder how that chat went? did you sit her down and list her qualities but say that reluctantly you felt she couldn't offer what the role needed!!?

i had 3 bridesmaids and they had no duties other than choosing their own dress and turning up on the day. One decided to go the extra mile tho and started fucking my husband - i hear they are now very happy together (sadly i am not joking!!).

CupOfBrownJoy · 07/10/2011 21:38

Sad Shock Spuddy!

But I laughed too, I'm sorry, is that bad? Blush

Original poster
deathlyhallows · 07/10/2011 21:39

I didn't ask for the whooole two weeks of her life I was being a bit dramatic what I meant was for the few weeks leading up to it she could make an effort to come c me and take an interest in what's been going on so she wasn't just showing up on the day without us even seeing each other for ages before hand . I would b so embarrassed if I turned up to be a bridesmaid and had to ask questions about the day .

OP posts:
diyvspse · 07/10/2011 21:39

Forget the hair extensions. Either she's been too busy to worry about it, or she's had enough of you bugging her about wedding stuff.

Do you think you might owe her an apology for being a tad selfish over recent weeks. If you want to salvage your friendship you need to eat humble pie NOW, not after the wedding... that will be too late.

Call her. But not until you've read enough YABU posts to realise that you're in the wrong. No judgment BTW, just think you've gotten a little swept up in your wedding preparations and you need a little perspective. You're not the centre of the universe. No one is.

gapants · 07/10/2011 21:41

head explodes

I will assume you have not spoken to her, but have been texting. Never good.

I hope it all goes well and you can have a drink and a laugh about it soon.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 07/10/2011 21:41

She's just not that into you.

diyvspse · 07/10/2011 21:42

Spuddy... that bitch! I bet they deserved each other.

CupOfBrownJoy · 07/10/2011 21:43

AIBU to think she should be making time for me ?

was your original question.

It just screams meeeeee what abouuuuutttt meeeeeee????? as do all your subsequent posts.

Spuddybean · 07/10/2011 21:44

not to worry - i'm laughing now too cup - all very jeremy kyle. The other bridesmaids (and friends who were there - good friends who did the photos, readings etc) stopped talking to me too. They had known and when i found out they felt uncomfortable. That and they thought i should still be friends with ex and ex best mate, as it 'wasn't their fault they fell in love'.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 07/10/2011 21:44

As for the "other type of event"- I recently started my own business. One of my friends (funnily enough, my organised bm!) offered (well actually decided!) to come and help before my opening. She was fantastic- helped me clean, organise etc- that's what she is good at. I was truly grateful for her input, and I think she enjoys that kind of thing. But I also have lots of other friends who simply wished me luck. I don't think any less of them. My other bm is probably the one who will patiently answer my stressy e-mails when I am worried about things and calm me down. Different people have different roles. I didn't expect all my friends to jump and rush to assist with my new business (I was grateful for the huge amount my family did) I decided to open a business- my decision. I am fully aware that though this is a huge thing in my life, my friends have big things in their lives too,. I do not expect them to dance attendance on me because I chose to do this, no. So I don't really see your point I'm afraid, OP.

Original poster
deathlyhallows · 07/10/2011 21:44

Sorry gapants I'm on my mobile and it's hard to keep up !!

I'm 26 why do you ask ? Yes I have called her a few times a while ago but generally most people in my circle of friends either text or facebook each other to arrange to meet up . We rarely speak on the phone .

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 07/10/2011 21:46

Spuddy- Shock - I missed that! Now that bm went above and beyond.

CupOfBrownJoy · 07/10/2011 21:46

fucking hell Spuddy, how awful Sad

Spuddybean · 07/10/2011 21:48

yup - it was really kind of her to put herself out like that!

garlicScaresVampires · 07/10/2011 21:49

Grin Flossie.

I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times. Went to one dress fitting, then just turned up on the day. One bride wanted us there early, so we could do all the prettying stuff together (loved that!), the other wanted me at the church half an hour early to do ushering-type stuff. All fine. No protracted hand-holding required Wink

My own bridesmaids bought their own dresses, etc, and came to my room a couple of hours early on the day. That was it.

Granted, my experience is limited to the three weddings mentioned but, to me, you're looking like a bridezilla. Sorry.

Original poster
deathlyhallows · 07/10/2011 21:49

Spuddy If that happened to me I'd hope that I could eventually joke about it like you !! do you mind if I asked how long ago this was ?

OP posts:
whathappenedtom · 07/10/2011 21:50

YABU, demanding and a bit bridezilla

garlicScaresVampires · 07/10/2011 21:51

Blimey, spuddy Shock

I bet she did it coz you failed to supply hair extensions ...

Dozer · 07/10/2011 21:52

OP, would you REALLY not care if your bridesmaid showed up with a shaved head? Doesn't seem to tally with everything else you've said.

Have some nice Brew.

ShellyBoobs · 07/10/2011 21:52

OP, let me tell you where I'm at:

You've started using text speak, so for that reason, I'm out.

Original poster
deathlyhallows · 07/10/2011 21:52

So no one here has actually planned and organised a wedding with their girlfriends ? Maybe it's the done thing where I live and no where else ? I don't know anyone who's bridesmaids hasn't been important and involved from the get go .

OP posts:
gapants · 07/10/2011 21:52

op

I just think that if you have an issue with someone- as you clearly do- then you need to talk to them, and if you are getting nowhere with text/FB then you need to do something else.

It is obviously been simmering away and festering, what a shame for you and her. Call her tomorrow, go out for a drink and chat about it.

I am 34, and this whole only texting thing although not new to me at all (I had a giant brick of a mobile back in 90s) is not the way i would try and sort something out. You text, she ignores, you seethe. Not good

Spuddybean · 07/10/2011 21:52

it was 2 years ago. He and i had been together 11 years. She and i had been best mates since we were 3.

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