to feel resentment over cliquey parents at school

[MothInMyKecks]

Just left a kiddie's party, 4-5, where my little one was the only one to turn up. , and he had a broken wrist so couldn't exactly join in on the bouncy castle. Birthday boy is 5 today and his little face broke my heart. He bounced madly for the best part of half the party whilst me and his Mum made small talk.

I know, I just fucking know that the clique of parents in this class made a decision to not go, because the child is a bit messy, doesn't speak (elective mute), his mother is a bit of a loner, he has no Dad, they're a bit skint. FFS, it was a party and no other kid turned up. I know some parents had to work etc, but I know this class and their parents and many fuckers decided to not go because he's not in the clique. Twating parents. If they could only have seen his face. I never imagined a 5 year old could be humiliated, but I saw it written all over his little face.

And his mother is brassick, totally skint, yet she'd paid out good money to pay for this. Table was laden with food and no fucker turned up.

Sorry - no doubt will get a flaming by some, but I don't feel the need to don a flame proof coat or hat because I'm boiling with anger already

I know there are worse things to happen... obviously

But nobody coming to your dc's party has to be in the top ten of most dreaded things for parents

No wonder we are all in tears

That poor boy :( Would it be naff and sad and creepy if I paypalled you a couple of quid to buy him some sweeties from my DCs Moth? I know I'm a complete stranger, but this made me so sad for him.
I won't harass you I swear now sounds even more desperately weird and stalkerish and if you think it's not "suitable" just ignore me, but if you would/do think it would be ok, just drop me a pm :)

I'm just down the road from you OP, I'll come round and sort them out!
Poor you Hippo, some people are so cruel.

Jesus, Bonsoir, it's not the mum who need to learn a few social skills .
Op please say something to the clique; it may not be possible to shame people as thick as this, but you can't let it go unremarked.

At DS's nursery someone had a whole class party within 3 weeks of term starting, it was great everyone came to get to know other parents - so I don't think its infra dig to do this as Bonsoir suggested.

The only nice explanation I can think of is maybe the invites didn't ask for RSVP? On DS's invites I always put in a reply slip, a mobile number and an email address so its easy to respond. Were these included?

Bloody sad though, those parents are so lacking in manners, poor child.

When you were making small talk with the mum, what was said about the poor turnout? Did she have party bags?

I think she should give out the bags with a note saying 'my son x was devastated that almost no one came to his party, he was looking forward to getting to know his new classmates better out of school. He has elective mutism, which makes it harder for him. I hope that in the future you will all be able to get to know him better.

And include a phone number.

^ great idea

Good idea. Perhaps add...

'what a pity we didn't know you wouldn't have been able to make it'

I can't seem to get any definite answer about what's gone on this afternoon. I've been rummaging around in the mountain of paperwork for the original invite to try and text his Mum (to make doubly sure that the number is correct, or to make sure that everyone had been invited - oh I don't know, I just suppose I don't want to really believe that everyone could be so cruel) but I can't find it

I've mentioned it to DH - he's just come home from work. He's a governor for another school but in the next county and he's aghast and said to definitely tell the class teachers tomorrow.

I'm scratching my head here - the party was minutes from the school distance wise. Most parents would had to have passed by to get home. I'm having to cool down a bit because inevitably there'll be those who couldn't go (I know one parent who has dialysis, another who is heavily pregnant and at least 4 kids who's parents are both 9-5'ers. But that leaves a load of kids that could have gone. I can't help but feel if it was a different child, then they would have gone. The Mum is... eccentric too, and I'm guessing that's partly the reason. I'm lost for words.

I'm never going to forget that little boys face.

I can't believe that grown adults would behave like that.

Are you sure the hostess got the right date on the invite? I can't imagine anyone I know acting like that to a child with SN.

You learn something new every day.

I have to know-what does ...eccentric actually mean?

That's so sad , some people are just downright rude!

I also must live near you, as I'm on the Welsh side, give us a clue!! I live a couple of miles away from Mold, and my daughter goes to school in Mold?

I had a party for my daughter at a soft play centre, I invited 17 children and only 7 turned up. She didn't even notice, but I felt for her as the party didn't really get going? One parent brought his son, stayed for ten minutes and left, and didn't even introduce themselves! The soft play manager told me they had left!!

I wouldn't be able to bit my tongue, I'd have to say something sarcastically to the person most likely to mention it to the other parents!

I'm so so so unbelievably angry because it also happens to non-SN kids too. My eldest when in reception was so utterly happy to be able to have a party, we arranged it for soft play, DC's choice, and she bounced into school with her invites all written out the night before by her all with such a smile on her face.

Only one parent had the decency to RSVP and it was a no. The others wouldn't even aknowledge me in the playground when I asked if their child was coming or not.

To have to explain to a child why their party, that they were so looking forward to, had been so excited about, had to be cancelled, well, it broke my heart and I'm crying about it now and it was a few years ago now.

OP I hope you have the courage to stand up to these vile witches. They don't deserve to call themselves parents.

Bonsoir I sincerely hope your personality disorder and morality haven't been too much of an influence on your daughter or it may well be her that none of the other children like enough to invite to their parties.

Bonsoir Thu 06-Oct-11 17:56:26
"Well... my DD often doesn't want to go to parties she is invited to because she doesn't like the child in question, and I don't make her go because she has plenty of parties of friends to go to as it is! I think it's a bit silly to put on a party and invite a lot of children that your DC isn't friends with. You are setting yourself and your DC up for humiliation. The mother in the OP needs to learn a few social skills IMO."

You sound lovely

I'm actually really glad DP is out tonight as i'm properly in tears now. That poor child :(

Oh this has made me so . Same thing happened to my friends dd last year at her 4th birthday. 9 children invited only me and my dd turned up . It was awful my friend had done a huge table of food and 10 little party bags all lined up and not one other fucker turned up . Two texted to say their dc's were ill but nothing from anyone else. The birthday girl said as we were leaving 'is my party over mummy only dd came' It was truly heartbreaking.

That poor little boy. I honestly don't understand some people it is beyond me why anyone, let alone other parents, can do that to a child.

Definitely agree at 5 it was the parents decision. My dd is in reception and came skipping out today with her first party invite. She cheerfully said ' it's from x I don't really know him but I really want to go!' She would NEVER turn down a party invite . Now I must go and text the mum to say we'll definitely be there.

I really would have to say something op. Make them squirm.

That poor little boy :(