Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel resentment over cliquey parents at school

421 replies

MothInMyKecks · 06/10/2011 17:39

Just left a kiddie's party, 4-5, where my little one was the only one to turn up. Angry, and he had a broken wrist so couldn't exactly join in on the bouncy castle. Birthday boy is 5 today and his little face broke my heart. He bounced madly for the best part of half the party whilst me and his Mum made small talk.

I know, I just fucking know that the clique of parents in this class made a decision to not go, because the child is a bit messy, doesn't speak (elective mute), his mother is a bit of a loner, he has no Dad, they're a bit skint. FFS, it was a party and no other kid turned up. I know some parents had to work etc, but I know this class and their parents and many fuckers decided to not go because he's not in the clique. Twating parents. If they could only have seen his face. I never imagined a 5 year old could be humiliated, but I saw it written all over his little face.

And his mother is brassick, totally skint, yet she'd paid out good money to pay for this. Table was laden with food and no fucker turned up.

Sorry - no doubt will get a flaming by some, but I don't feel the need to don a flame proof coat or hat because I'm boiling with anger already Sad

OP posts:
unreasonableme · 06/10/2011 22:16

OP YANBU by any stretch of the I'magination. The behaviour of those parents is appalling and completely inexcusable. I wish I souls give both the wee lad and his mother a hug but I can't. I can do nothing. I bet the mother would run mile at the thought of receiving charity from strangers, yet who here has read your OP and not wanted to send the boy a present? It's up to you I'm afraid, but at least you know you have nation-wide support.

However, although I may not be able to help him there are people here I can help. My neighbour's elderly, yet I've not seen him for month. Not very neighbourly am I? So this thread has me decided. I'm going to bake this weekend and take him some cake and sit with him for a while.

Thanks for the kick up the backside.

nomorefrizz · 06/10/2011 22:19

This made me really sad and angry but not surprised. I find it unbelievable that intelligent people (grown ups) can behave in such a childish, spiteful and herd like way but I know they do! I found when my children were at a lovely primary school (very middle class on the whole) this sort of behaviour was rife with no one wishing to step outside of the "in" crowd and families who didnt fit in (not well off, less desirable address etc) were really left out.These people need to be told and will probably feel ashamed.

smallwhitecat · 06/10/2011 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Stay123 · 06/10/2011 22:28

That is outrageous and has made me cry. What utterly vile people. You should definitely tell his teacher at school so she can be made aware that your son is being left out and it is very hurtful. People like that should be made to feel ashamed of themselves.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 06/10/2011 22:30

Having thought about this a bit more, would it be possible for you and your two friends to have the boy to tea next week at one of your houses next week, so just a small group of children ? Maybe one of your friends could say to the mother that their child was sad as they wanted to go the party but couldn't so would like to celebrate next week with him. You could do a bit of party food and play a few games, get a small cake and candles etc.

smallwhitecat · 06/10/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

redllamayellowllama · 06/10/2011 22:35

This is bloody awful; awful for both the boy and the mother. Lets take members of society who appear to be already struggling and ostracise them even further when they reach out to be included (amongst a group of people who sound beyond disgusting). What happened to a sense of social and moral responsibility? And just being fucking nice to a 5 year old who wanted a bloody birthday party.

The very notion of allowing your child to dictate whose party they will go to at the age of 5 is complete and utter bile btw. I'd hope that I'd raised my child to have a more inclusive attitude. And this clearly isn't what happened here.

redllamayellowllama · 06/10/2011 22:37

Agree that having a small gathering is a very good idea.

grumplestilskin · 06/10/2011 22:39

you dont even need to make it a second birthday (would that highlight the birthday more?), a nice play date with a few of you to move on from it is a good idea though

nailak · 06/10/2011 22:58

in reception kids dont even notice sen surely? one of my bf;s has sen son and my dd (4) hasnt even registered with her, even though he has visible, facial disabilities....

mummylikescava · 06/10/2011 23:37

Just had another thought - maybe if you know the little boys mum well enough you could suggest next year she has his party at the weekend? The working parents (in my experience anyway) won't know any of the pathetic clique so at least they (hopefully) would have the manners to attend.

Still absoultely amazed that these selfish, rude people didn't even have the decency to RSVP.

It's sounds like a bloody horrible school with bloody horrible parents who will no doubt breed equally selfish and spiteful children.

mummylikescava · 06/10/2011 23:41

nailak - i would agree that in reception kids definitely don't notice sen. My children's school was lovely and inclusive though so they all supported each other - at least in the infants.

NonnoMum · 06/10/2011 23:49

HAven't read the whole thread but are you sure ALL the children were invited? And if so, did the party mum get some RSVPs? If not, did she ask anyone if they were coming?

Sounds very sad but am not sure of the whole story - sounds too to horrible...

DayShiftDoris · 07/10/2011 00:35

I have seen this happen, been on the recieving end of it.

I haven't read all of the answers but if I was you I would make an appointment with the head of the school and have a word with them.

It's bullying, pure and simple, and it has no place in a school... even amongst parents.

It happened to me and in the end it had to go to the head as I was criticised in a professionals meeting for not involving myself with the PTA. I had offered numerous times and shunned...
It was stopped... and quickly.

Some heads wont get involved but most will file that information away and those parents will get their just deserts.

School mummy groups are evil.

Spinkle · 07/10/2011 04:20

It seems to be an extension to the playground these horrible women were once children. Nasty bitches.
My son has Autism. He's been invited to the grand total of 2 parties in his 7 years. They have been invites from other SN kids, I must add. When his teacher said that traditionally when it's a kid's birthday at school they like them to bring in cakes to share with the class. I said I wouldn't be joining in and wasting an hour of my time baking for kids who consistently overlook him at their party time. I am a cake decorator, by the way.

My son hates parties in any case and would refuse to go but an invite would be nice!

No, actually, that would mean I'd have to talk to one of the witches lovely mummies.

CheerfulYank · 07/10/2011 05:04

What a bunch of evil cunts.

And I never say that.

I am sitting here crying and wishing I had the money because I would hop a plane RIGHT NOW and be waiting outside those school gates to have a word .

spiderslegs · 07/10/2011 05:24

Yes Cheerful I've been looking at this thread & looking & not posting.

It has made me look at my DS who is the same age & his attempts to make friends & sob & sob & keep coming back.

& No cheerful I have never heard you say cunt.

I can't believe the attitude here & exemplified by other posters.

I am shocked.

Who would do this to a child?

Really - what cunt would visit this bastard behaviour on any child?

Original poster
MothInMyKecks · 07/10/2011 05:29

I'm awake. Can't sleep anymore. Have been tossing and turning for well over an hour. Sad I've been mulling this over and over in my mind, hoping that no one would be this cruel.

in reception kids dont even notice sen surely? one of my bf;s has sen son and my dd (4) hasnt even registered with her, even though he has visible, facial disabilities.... Nailak, it's not the children. This is the parents that have neglected/ignored/shunned this boy.

I just don't want to think that my child is surrounded by kids whose parents would actively shun another child because he doesn't fit in? Hmm I make small talk with some of these parents when I'm around for the school run - I'm gutted that they could act this way and there is no way I'm staying quiet about this. I'm really, really hoping that everyone thought "we can't go because..." instead of "let's boycott this party..." and that those who chose not to go didn't realise that everyone else was thinking like this.

Bloody hell, I don't know. Can't shake it out of my mind though and am wondering what kind of night his Mum had? What kind of night the boy had?

Am going to be knackered at work today, but am taking an early so that I can do the run. I have some people there I want to talk Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
MothInMyKecks · 07/10/2011 05:31

Am going to be knackered at work today, but am taking an early so that I can do the run. I have some people there I want to talk to

OP posts:
spiderslegs · 07/10/2011 05:32

Sorry - I meant that other posters had experienced this too.

Horrid, vile.

You who look upon this & know yourselves.

Be ashamed. I hope your child never experiences this. Ever.

TheBride · 07/10/2011 05:33

Threads like this really make me despair for the state of the western world..... seriously. What is wrong with people? Why can't parents teach their children some kindness and compassion?

I also agree with the posters who have said that kids don't generally shun other kids en masse at that age- parents do, or kids do because they're egged on by other kids who are encouraged by their parents.

eg when I was a kid (about 7), the cool kid in our class told us not to be friends with B because B "lived in a council house". Being sheep we all obeyed so B was shunned for zero reason. Fortunately, I then told my mum why we didn't like B and she read me the riot act and also called the school and told them what was happening. Now, that child did not get that "council houses are bad" thing from nowhere- what 7 yr old even knows what a council house is?

Thx mum for teaching me not to be a snob or a sheep.

spiderslegs · 07/10/2011 05:36

Moth you've done a good thing, it's so horrible, many MNetters want to do something - can we?

I hope & know you will say something.

It's upset alot of people but don't feel beholden to them - do as you will.

Original poster
MothInMyKecks · 07/10/2011 05:37

Many of them seem alright, that's why I'm so gutted. The cliquey one's in their gaggle that seem to do the subtle over-the-shoulder glance to check people out, the one's that always seem to be asking you questions but you just know it's not out of interest, the one's that stop talking and look at you if you approach them, well I have absolutely NO PROBLEM approaching them later on and categorically stating that they'd succeeded in humiliating a little boy yesterday. And that the look on his face would haunt me.

But the others? The really decent one's? I'm lost and even more gutted in a way that they'd be so cruel. Or maybe was it thoughtlessness? Like the boy didn't matter? Like they assumed that it was OK for them not to bother, because someone else will be there at the party?

I'm rambling now, sorry.

OP posts:
TheBride · 07/10/2011 05:37

Mothinmykecks In response to your last post, I imagine it was probably a combination of factors, but I think you're right to suspect that there was a degree of collusion in terms of "Are you going?" "No, X finds Y weird because he doesnt talk" "Oh well I won't if you're not", and no-one with the balls to say

"Actually X is going because even though he doesn't play with Y, Y sometimes struggles with friends so I think it's important to show up"

spiderslegs · 07/10/2011 05:50

Say something Moth, I'm not too far away, as many of us are.

There are no decent ones in this scenario.

Other than you.