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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP taken DD out to meet woman and not told me

83 replies

BullyBeefBadgers · 05/10/2011 15:46

DP has just got up, grabbed DD and said he's going out. He was halfway down the stairs when I yelled down that she needed feeding at 4.30 so could he get her back home by then. He replied "yes, dearest" and that was that. I know that he's gone to meet his. I have a bit of a problem with this friend as they have history and he talks to her about things that lately he refuses to talk to me about. I feel so angry and protective of DD though because of the way that he grabbed her and went without talking to me, letting me say goodbye etc. Hormones are all over the place so may be overreacting ... AIBU to want to race around the area frantically looking for DD? I know she'll be fine but surely he should check with me before whisking her out the door?

OP posts:
ChooChooWowWow · 05/10/2011 15:49

Eh

Gone to meet his ........????

NinkyNonker · 05/10/2011 15:50

Yanbu, how old is she?

VivaLeBeaver · 05/10/2011 15:50

He's gone to meet his what? Do you think he's having an affair.?

How old is dd?

He can't be planning on been out for very long if she's due to eat at 4:30. If it's just a friend why would the friend not come to your house, and why does he have to take dd. He shouldn't just be grabbing her and going out without talking to you.

ladyintheradiator · 05/10/2011 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themightyskim · 05/10/2011 15:52

if he knows you dont like her then yes thats unfair to take your daughter too, but as my OH keeos explaining to me men have different rules, so might be better for the boys to enswer this one

ecclesvet · 05/10/2011 15:54

"surely he should check with me before whisking her out the door?"

Not, I wouldn't see any reason to do that. She's his daughter too, he doesn't need your permission.

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 05/10/2011 15:56

Sorry missed out the word friend. DD is 5 months. And by "got up and grabbed her" I mean just that. He got up from his desk, picked DD up from where she was playing and walked out the door with her - I was left to race after him trying to get him to explain, let me say goodbye, hand him DDs coat etc. I don't think he's having an affair but I do know that they talk about me and our sex life etc - just makes me uncomfortable.

OP posts:
SnakeOnCrack · 05/10/2011 15:58

he doesn't need her "permission" but it's common to actually discuss these things ecclesvet, as in, I'm going to take DD to the park later" or "I'm going to take DD to meet xx later", just so everyone knows what's going on! He's being unreasonable to just whisk her out.

Also, if he has definately gone to see this woman (and you don't know he has right?), you need to talk to him about how it makes you feel. There are obviously deeper things at work here if he's running off talking to her about stuff you feel he should be talking to you about.. so TALK to him, tell him how it's making you feel. Hopefully he will have enough respect for you that he would cease that sort of carry on.

pozzled · 05/10/2011 16:00

I don't think the DP needs to 'check' but if you live with someone I think it's common courtesy to let them know when you go out and say goodbye properly.

pozzled · 05/10/2011 16:02

OK, if she's only 5 months that's a bit strange IMO. I thought you were going to say she was three or something.

YouDoTheMath · 05/10/2011 16:06

Erm... why does he talk to another woman about your sex life???

PhilipJFry · 05/10/2011 16:06

The situation sounds really bizarre. 4.5 months and he runs out with her to see a friend without even letting you know or anything?

Do you think he took her to "sanitise" their meeting? So it looks perfectly innocent and okay? From what you've said it seems like they're crossing a few boundaries at least.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/10/2011 16:12

It does sound a bit bizarre - most people pick up their keys on the way out, not their 5-month-old. Or at least say something along the lines of "Just going out, I'll take DD with me for some fresh air/give you a break/show her off to ." You know, just some form of communication with the other parent. Their partner. That they should be talking to.

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 05/10/2011 16:12

I think Im overeacting a bit ... im actually crying! Cos she's still so new iyswim. Anyway they've just got back - he's dumped her back on the floor, told me to deal with her and stomped off in a huff Hmm

OP posts:
Malificence · 05/10/2011 16:13

He talks to his female friend about your sex life?
Unforgivable imho and just a little bit bonkers.

SnakeOnCrack · 05/10/2011 16:13

Ok this is a bit weird, why is he in a huff? Because you were concerned whilst he was out?

Sit down and talk to him.

Malificence · 05/10/2011 16:15

Is he in a huff 'cos his friend wasn't in?

It has the distinct odour of haddock, has he always behaved so oddly?

Aislingorla · 05/10/2011 16:16

Why is HE in a huff?

Original poster
BullyBeefBadgers · 05/10/2011 16:19

talking not good idea - he's now watching sports and god forbid I interrupt them. yes am thinking the huff is cos friend not there - he has been sending huffy texts to someone since he got back (he is making cross noises as reads and replying very flouncily). No not always been odd - just since I've got a bit mumified (not always draped seductively on sofa waiting to serve my master Grin) He hasn't taken post baby too well ...

OP posts:
JustinBoobie · 05/10/2011 16:19

Thats fucking bonkers that is.

Christ. I would be having none of THAT sort of behaviour.

JustinBoobie · 05/10/2011 16:21

Who is the other woman, and why the f to all christ is he bothered?

Very odd.

And they have history? This would make me more than a little uncomfortable...

Deesus · 05/10/2011 16:24

Also how do you know he talks about your sex life with this woman? Did he tell you this?

V weird behaviour all round...

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 05/10/2011 16:25

Ahh Bully - what you mean is that since the baby has come along all the attention isn't on him and so he likes to huff and puff (read sulk) and punish you a bit? Remind you who is important?

Selfish
Entitled
Immature

Any of these sound familiar?

PhilipJFry · 05/10/2011 16:25

Ah that's no good, Bullybeef :( He's behaving very badly towards you- 4.5 months is very early on and you need more than this from him. I know you wrote that "serving my master" bit as a joke but is there a grain of truth in it? He sounds like he's thinking about himself and feeling sorry that his previous life has been upset by the arrival of your baby, and not considering you very much.

NinkyNonker · 05/10/2011 16:25

You're taking this very well, he sounds like a bit of an arse.

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