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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a baby at 45?

606 replies

Hope88 · 05/10/2011 14:53

I am thinking about having another child. But I would like to have a bigger gap between children which means I would be getting near 45. If it all goes well. Do you think it's selfish to have a child at 45? I just think I would be a better mother if I wait opposed to rushing into it and being really stressed out. Your thoughts please.

OP posts:

MamaMaiasaura · 06/10/2011 17:44

Unpaidcarer - had to lol at the only washing the old mans back comment she sounded like a right character x

higgle · 06/10/2011 17:48

Has anyone mentioned that you would be 66 before the child graduated ( if they went to uni straight from school) ? I had my youngest at 38 and I'm alreay a bit dismayed about financing him until I'm 59 - but at least I'll have a few years between that to have fun before starting to survivie on a pension.

unpa1dcar3r · 06/10/2011 17:48

Hi Passmethebucket.
Your childhood sounds rather similar to mine (exchange younger sister for younger brother who was worshipped and adored)
However I don't know if this is to do with my mothers age or more to do with the fact that she was a raving loony! And that she got 'her boy' she always wanted maybe.
My dad was lovely, but hardly ever at home due to work commitments, but mother was truly awful. He was older than the mother by 8 yrs but she wasn't 'young' either with any of us (my bro only 5 odd yrs younger than me)
Maybe it was just a different era when you and your sis were young and by the time littlun came along, they'd chilled out a bit and relaxed their attitudes according to societies changed views on childhood? Or maybe not!

Aislingorla · 06/10/2011 17:51

Good point higgle,
Princess tam, off course I'm winding up! Do ignor me, but I think this thread has run it's course!
Awen, get help!

unpa1dcar3r · 06/10/2011 17:53

Awen, my nan was a true cockney! Lived on giblets and guinness. Made tea that tasted like gnats pee and carried her handbag absolutely everywhere she went in case someone nicked it- she probably even had it in the bathroom that day!
When she was in a home, my little brother was chatting to two old ladies next to her bed and they were struggling to hear him. Me nan said 'you're gonna av to speak up Luv, they're deaf ya know, they're getting on a bit now'. They were in their 70's and she was 90 odd at the time!
Yes she was a character.

Aislingorla · 06/10/2011 17:54

of course, that is, before they call me uneducated and dense (again sob!)

forrestgump · 06/10/2011 17:54

Higgle, my dh shudders that he has 14 years of schools fees, and maybe/probably university ahead, that takes us to the grand age of 55/56. He always said he wanted to retire at 50!! (oops!)

lovingthecoast · 06/10/2011 18:04

Again, you're reading what you want to read, Aisling. I did not say that you didn't pay for what you needed yourself. I was saying that we could not have due to high student debt hence leaving it until we could.

KatAndKit · 06/10/2011 18:05

Why are you all still interacting with her?

lovingthecoast · 06/10/2011 18:06

I don't know really! I'm off to cook tea whilst I can still walk unaided and eat with my own teeth!

Aislingorla · 06/10/2011 18:14

I thought you got Grants in the 'old days' ,loving!

nikos · 06/10/2011 18:18

hazeyjane · 06/10/2011 18:22

Yes, there is nothing worse than having a mum that flirts with your teenage mates!

FabbyChic · 06/10/2011 18:24

If I could have had a child at 45 I would have. My children were in their late teens then, well the youngest just 17. For me would have been the perfect time, single etc.,

Not to be for me, no periods and steralised!

Bear in mind you may go through the menopause early, and you risk giving birth to an SN child the later you leave it.

nikos · 06/10/2011 18:24

Yes, us older mums will be sitting in the corner smelling of wee so no chance of us being cougars!

4madboys · 06/10/2011 18:46

aisling surely you got grants when you went to uni? if you went to uni? if you are 36 as you say?

i am 32 and was lucky enough to get a grant for when i went to uni, was the last year it was done, had to get student loan to top it up and work part time etc, but there were grants whne you would have gone to uni, if you are the age you say you are?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 06/10/2011 18:53

She is the same age as lots of people on here. Her kids just happen to be older. So all this talk of being young and other posters being all old is a bit weird.

lovingthecoast · 06/10/2011 19:00

Yep, I got a grant but that barely covered my accomodation. I also needed a student loan and to work otherwise I would have starved! My PGCE was for English which meant I didn't really get help with that either.

DH needed a loan at uni but then had to fund himself entirely through law school as no grants for post graduate courses. So all in all we had quite a bit to pay back once done.

hairylights · 06/10/2011 19:06

"Hairy, if I'm honest, it's older mothers like you, overly smug and boastfull about how well off you are and how well your children are doing, that get on my nerves. Quite often, you are the very type who cannot cope when your children hit the teenage years. I imagine you'll cope amazingly or at least will pretend to."

God you're really not nice, are you?!

I said earlier - I have already seen my dsd through her teens. I'm not pretending it's easy - but I don't think I'll struggle more because I'm older. And stating fact isn' t"smug". The fact that I'm financially stable is a fact - I wasn't in my twenties. It's a plus point for having kids later - not a boast.

4madboys · 06/10/2011 19:08

well i am 32 and my eldset is 12, how old was aisling when she had her first then for him/her to be at uni, or did i misread that bit?

because we could just as well aruge, if say she had her child as a teen that that isnt always best or healthy either?!

i have had mine young because thats how life worked out for me, for others it doesnt how that means they cant be good parents or relate to teens i will never know and fwiw my mum had me young, she was still crap when i was a teen, age has fuck all to do with it ime.

4madboys · 06/10/2011 19:09

and loving same here needing a loan and to work as well!

AnyCorpseFucker · 06/10/2011 19:32

I am so, so happy to see there is whole new cohort of people who think Aisling is a bit of a cow

it's made my day, that has

BridgetBust · 06/10/2011 19:47

I think Aisling is a 17 year old boy.

brdgrl · 06/10/2011 20:22

anycorpse, was there any doubt?

I had a miscarriage in my twenties, multiple cervical surgeries in my thirties, and a baby at 39.

I also had the chance to travel and live in three different countries, date some lovely blokes, meet my husband, pursue higher education, see hundreds of bands, enjoy plenty of hangovers, read thousands of books on uninterrupted evenings, nanny for other kids, genuinely enjoy my nephews' childhoods....

Oh, and learn and practice all the qualities which I now need as a mother. I am so much better a mum than I would have been when I was younger. I guess nature and fate agreed, cuz here I am.

So much nonsense from people here who are far too concerned with the reproductive choices of other women. It's a bit sick.

Deux · 06/10/2011 20:24

What an interesting thread.

I do think Aisling comes across as someone with a huge chip on her shoulder, wonder why?

If Aisling & Co are correct then all us older mothers will indeed be fairly young grandmothers. Our children are going to do the opposite to us and have their children young as they will have so many ishoos about having old and embarrassing parents at the Uni drop-off. Surely? So it'll all even out in the end, no?

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