To have a baby at 45?

[Hope88]

I am thinking about having another child. But I would like to have a bigger gap between children which means I would be getting near 45. If it all goes well. Do you think it's selfish to have a child at 45? I just think I would be a better mother if I wait opposed to rushing into it and being really stressed out. Your thoughts please.

Oh, worry not. I have - completely stupidly - done it both ways. So DS at 20...single Mum for most of it, no clubbing for me, thought, well, by 38 he'll be off to Uni and I can have an adult gap year in style, will more than make up for it, look how much energy I had and how my figure snapped back...cue 38 and pregnant again but this time with twins, and looking forward to being a 100 year old granny with boobs which reach my knees and finally being able to travel to Patagonia in, oo, about 2027 ;)

We all cope though, don't we, and it's the most marvellous thing on the planet. Apart from cheese.

And I wouldn't expect any more of you aisling

So why did you say you were laughing at them?

And why were you shocked if your house if always full of teens with older parents and you live in an area crammed full of middle class academic older parents?

Because they prefere to come round to ours that be at their own) where they don't get nagged, perhaps, I don't know.
Maybe we were laughing a bit at the 'older' parents because we were shocked! (like, shocked, nervous laughter)
(stop encouraging me.....)

I didn't read Hairy's post as boasting at all. She was talking about financial security because that is why a lots of women, myself included, put off having babies until later. It's a perfectly reasonable statement on a thread debating when to have children.
Having children before I/we were able to fully support them financially without struggling or needing benefits was not an option I was willing to entertain. Plenty of much younger couples are already in this good financial position so may think differently. But law school is very expensive and we had lots of student debt so for us, the only option was to wait. Why do you have such an issue with that?

I'm going to try again early next year (im 41 in two weeks time)

Already have 2 lovely girls, born in different decades (1992 and 2003) so if I am lucky enough to conceive then this will be the third one in the third decade.

I was 21 when my first was born, I struggled managing a first child, along with going to college and, later, university full time. My second I had when I was 32, established in a career and a homeowner, I felt much more relaxed parenting her. If this pattern continues I will be very chilled as a parent next time (if lucky)

Im very concious of my age though and wouldnt want to put it off any longer. I wish you well OP.

I had my first at 30, I'd have been a bit of a shit parent any younger to be honest! I think I'm still a relatively young mum, only a couple of my mates have kids (now 31).

If you think you're able for older parenting then ok. My best friends parents had her in their early 40's and I know she's sad that she will have less time with them than her sisters who are about 15 years older than her.

Awen, you don't sound well, perhaps a lie down would help?
(quick read it and have a rant before they delete it)

Side step insane bitching

As i see it the main issues are:
Low fertility rates
Higher chances of pregnancy complications
Higher chances of chromosomal issues
Children maybe having to face caring for elderly parents when in their twenties

As a lifestyle choice I do think it's a bit selfish

loving, we had very little money when first was born ( both working, me part time) and we were fine really. We moved to a bigger house when he was 5 and his brother was 2. When 2nd was born I stayed at home full time, we still managed and DH was not on a big salary! You don't have to 'have it all' to be happy. That is a modern misconception.

Lol, I'm very well thanks. Disagreeing with your POV doesn't equate to illness, though perhaps in your world it does?

Oo, after posting, actually skimmed the whole thread. Can we revert to the advice Hope actually needs please? This has turned into Aisling baiting posters/posters baiting Aisling/Aisling re-baiting...all very arch but hardly helpful to one woman who is having to make a real and rather important decision.

Age has nothing to do with how 'good' we are as parents. You can be a crp 20 year old and a crp 50 year old. Maybe energy levels change for the worse, money for the better, perspective too...but love is a constant.

I feel so lucky that both times pregnancy was thrust upon me (to coin a phrase), rather than having to rationalise the 'perfect time to have a baby'...there is no such thing. Always arguments against.

Good luck Hope x

Good post hells

You're sounding a bit unstable Awen, ranting at and insulting a poster on an internet forum!
( I don't care what you say to be but if you call names MNHQ will delete your posts, and that might send you completly over the edge!)

Lol please quote name calling.

hells I agree, I kind of tried :)

Chose to ignore the baiting when I posted, geriatrics indeed hoiks bosom Les Dawson style

As long as we're all making generalisations, a problem for many younger parents is feeling they must be friends with their children rather than set boundaries and be parents. Aisling?

Hi
Lots of posts here and only read OP's but thought I'd add my 2 pennies worth; my paternal nan had twins at age 47 and lived to 93 all but a week.
She didn't plan it of course, but announced that she 'only went in to wash the old mans back in the bathroom and ended up pregnant'! . The twins, my uncles, are now in their 70's and you couldn't get fitter men, both healthy as can be, fit and active.

If you think you've got the energy, go for it. Personally I wouldn't have, my baby grand daughter wears me out (i'm 47) and as much as I adore her I couldn't have her full time.

Reread your post to me, bigot was one insult and then a few ranty comments.(spawned my off spring) Very uncalm! Wow! You are angry and at a complete stranger!

I wasn't talking about 'having it all' just being able to pay for what was needed by ourselves. They are not quite the same and it's quite disingenious to suggest they are.

But we paid for all we needed ourselves too!

I feel the need to put my two pennies worth in here, since I figure I am fairly well qualified to do so.

My mother was 19 when she had me, 21 when she had my middle sister, and 36 when she had my youngest sister. I was 41 when I had my daughter and that was no accident.

My parents were far, far better parents to my youngest sister than they were to me and my middle sister. They were cruel (beatings with 'the slipper') to us, but never to the youngest; they never allowed us to use the phone to speak to friends because it was a corded one on top of the television and God forbid we should interrupt my father's viewing of the news, but by the time our youngest was of an age where she might want to phone friends, they had a cordless one which she happily took up to her bedroom and spent hours talking on. They flatly refused to collect my middle sister and I from any evenings out with friends, so that if we wanted to go out, we had to walk there and back alone over country fields sometimes at midnight. Not once would they ever have refused our youngest sister. Our mother was also a little jealous of us when we were teenagers - she used to put us down all the time and never had a nice word to say about anything we wore - she never did that with the youngest. These are just examples - there are plenty more things I could cite.

Neither of us are jealous of our youngest sister, btw - actually, our parents would probably have had a fight on their hands if they'd treated the youngest in the same way they did us (and we were old enough to collect the youngest from nights out ourselves etc etc if they'd refused anyway).

I saw the difference in parenting and that is one of the reasons I had my daughter 'late' - because I thought I would be a better mother. Actually, having had parenting like I did, I would never, never have repeated it anyway, but for someone who hasn't seen the two extremes close up, then I'd say I definitely come down on the side of the older parent (in general) to be a more patient parent, and one without his/her own issues to deal with alongside raising a child.

So there.

Not angry at all, bemused. Did make for interesting conversation at dinner table tho. I stand by what I posted as MMHQ can delete if they see fit too, i really do not give a rats arse care. Clearly I disagree with your POV and you laughing at families due to ages (hmm who needs help??).

Right, wher did I leave my slipper?

I think Aisling is just sitting back and winding everyone up... why don't we just try ignoring her? Then maybe we can get back to the OPs point.
I say go for it OP, we're all lucky to be mums at all.