To think that it's not racist to describe someone who is black as being black.

[lovingthecoast]

Sorry, probably haven't worded that very well but I'm feeling a bit upset and shaky after virtually being accused of racism.

Just took DS2 (3wks) to clinic. It's a large clinic with a few HVs and nursery nurses helping. I had had a conversation with one of the ladies last week and brought up said conversation today. HV asked who I'd spoken to and I said 'sorry I can't remember her name but the tall, black lady.' HV practically gasped, looked at her helper then said to me, 'We'd rather not describe people in terms of their ethnicity as it's considered rather offensive.' She was then frosty with me for the rest of the time.

I'm quite gobsmacked for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I was giving a physical description of the woman so to me, saying she was black was just like saying she had blonde curly hair or something. Secondly, is it really considered racist to make mention of someone's skin colour? I wasn't implying she was somehow inferior (in fact she was very helpful, more so that this HV) I was merely describing her so they'd know who I was talking about. If 3 of the 4 HVs were black and I wanted to point out the white one, I'd say the white one.

I know I'm hormonal but it's shaken me and since Ive come home I'm starting to feel angry about it and a bit teary. Oh I don't know, it's made me doubt my use of language even though I didn't think I was attaching anything to the colour of her skin if that makes sense.
Talk to me please and tell me straight whether she was being UR or whether I need to look at my language a bit more. Thanks

The best descriptor I ever heard was from one colleague trying to describe a woman who attended an event to another colleague.

'You know, Mary - MARY, she was sitting at the back... the one with TWO arms'.

I'd grass the HV to her managers if I were you - treating someone like a racist is pretty offensive behaviour in itself.

Since my earlier post, I have read the views of contributors with interest.

It seems that there is overwhelming agreement that the HV was being, at best, rather silly in remonstrating with the OP for describing someone who is "black" as, well, "black" however there is still some confusion amongst a few here about what is and is not 'acceptable'.

As an example - one person wrote of "training" her mother to not use the word "gay" to mean "happy" which is quite ridiculous really because that's what the word means - in addition to other connotations. The fact that someone considers a word unnaceptable or that it is no longer in common useage in some parts of the UK is no justification for presuming to lecture her mother on one particular interpretation.

OK I admit it's the use of the word "training" which irritated be because it denotes an assumed superiority which some people love to display but it illustrates the real difficulty with these sorts of arguments.

To reiterate my earlier point, calling someone a racist is extremely easy to do yet can mean anything or nothing given the situation and people involved - as this thread amply demonstrates.

YANBU at all x