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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to not give a crap about my dd message book

109 replies

spookshowangellovesit · 05/10/2011 09:49

my dd is at a AS unit they are fab, mostly. except for this one teacher i just dont seem to gel with. i have to admit that i am a pretty horribly disorganised person off the bat the type that will run round first thing in the morning with a half made pack lunch in one hand whilst trying to put on one childs jumper, comb anothers hair and get dressed all at the same time. (this was this morning)
my dd has a message book her teachers write in ever day it is mostly dd had a good day, was star of the week, dd was late today etc occasionally it will have instructions like need pack lunch or has school trip. i read it about once a week some times more when i remember too.i think that other parents perhaps write back in it or what ever but as it is mostly just what the child did that day i dont see it as all that necessary. the one teacher in particular takes real offence to this and went so far as to call me up over it and demand to know if i ever read my dd message book. i replied yes and she then said that she didnt think i did. and that it had important information in it and i needed to pay attention to it.
after this i tried to pay more attention to it, there were a couple of incidences of her shouting at me over my daughters shoes and trousers which actually made me lose my temper with her and since then she has been better, but today i open the bloody message book and there it is again... can you please read the information in here as it is important and may contain forms and things.
????? aibu am i over reacting, reading it back i think i might be actually.

OP posts:

JEMISMYNAME · 05/10/2011 10:01

Just to save any further drama about the book, why don't you just put your initials next to it to indicate that you have actually read the book.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 05/10/2011 10:03

It takes a a minute to look through. Yabu to say you don't give a crap. It sounds like you have a bad attitude tbh.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 05/10/2011 10:06

It's a pita but you know, just read the bleedin' thing. It won't kill you to have a look every other day.

biddysmama · 05/10/2011 10:07

my ds has asd and has a message book, it tells me the things he doesnt and the mood he was in,positive things that hes done,anything thats set him off,how many tokens he has (reward system) and things i need to speak to him about so its pretty important

im amazed you are able to be so unorganised, my ds needs routine (hes 9) so everythings done the same way (while hes there) every morning or i wouldnt even get him to school!

slartybartfast · 05/10/2011 10:07

are you meant to be writing in it as well?

slartybartfast · 05/10/2011 10:08

yabu - since you asked.

make it part of your routine

when ds gets in from school.

blackoutthesun · 05/10/2011 10:08

YABU

just bloody read it!

ThePumpkinKing · 05/10/2011 10:09

The teachers behaviour does seem to indicate that you have not picked up on information that they require you to know.

You come across as being quite 'anti-authority'. It is the work of a minute to read the book and initial it. Just do it when you're doing the packed lunch.

biddysmama · 05/10/2011 10:09

and if teacher has taken the time to write in it then the lease you can do is read it!

i write in ds's cos it gives the teacher a warning on what mood he is in and if hes had any problems at home that could affect him

squeakytoy · 05/10/2011 10:09

to be honest I do think you are being unreasonable and making problems for yourself. read the bloody thing every day, it isnt going to take long, and it will help you and your child to have a more organised life..

SoupDragon · 05/10/2011 10:10

Even had it it has important information in it sometimes so yes, you need to read it whether you give a crap or not :)

aldiwhore · 05/10/2011 10:11

Just sign your name, they don't know if you've read it if you don't leave any mark.

We have this with my eldest's reading folder. My son reads a LOT, he adores books, I don't always get him to read to me, because we're usually focussing on something he does need to work on, or having fun.

I do sign his book though. Then they know that I'm up to date, and don't have to ask.

squeakytoy · 05/10/2011 10:11

and make packed lunches the night before.. it makes life much easier and gives you an extra bit of time in a morning to be organised

WilsonFrickett · 05/10/2011 10:11

The message book is the main link between home and school, much, much more so than in a mainstream school. You should be writing in it too. I think YABVU actually. Sorry to be all catsbumface but as a parent of an SN kid in mainstream ed I would bleddy love to be getting this extra information instead of 'read pages 1 - 16', 'DS read well today' and 'DS will get a reading buddy next term' which is quite literally all the information I've been given so far this term.

If you are disorganised in the morning, why not read it at night?

Debs75 · 05/10/2011 10:12

You are overreacting a bit. when I cared for an AS boy at a nursery his book was always filled in by me every night and by his parents. It helped me to understand why he had a bad day if I knew he had had a bad night or morning.

My ds is at a special school and he has the same message book. It isn't filled everyday but the important stuff is in and we mske sure we keep them up to date with anything which might mean he is unsettled.

to not give a crap about it sounds like you can't be bothered with her education. The book is there to help and is the equivalent of a quick chat with the teacher at line up time

spottypancake · 05/10/2011 10:12

YABU.

You need to give a crap about your DD's message book. You need to open it and read it every night. I'm surprised you are not embarrassed at your behaviour TBH.

Just to add that one of mine has an ASD so I am not lacking in empathy.

ElaineReese · 05/10/2011 10:14

yep, YABU. Read the book ffs.

kat2504 · 05/10/2011 10:17

As a teacher I can say that in my experience (mainstream) parents who have children that need a message book do generally take the time to respond to the teachers comments, or at least indicate that they have read it. It is supposed to be two-way communication, so you can give them information about things you want them to know (child not feeling well, bad day at home yesterday, homework too difficult, did well with reading book at home etc etc)
The teachers are taking time to accommodate your child's additional needs and the least you could do is be a bit more cooperative. Even if it is just what they have done that day, perhaps they see it as helping you have a starting point for discussion that afternoon about the school day if your child is not all that communicative (I see you did art today? Did you like it? Miss X says you did a fantastic painting. What was it a picture of?).

DumSpiroSpero · 05/10/2011 10:23

YABU, and I say that as someone whose mornings are very much like yours (and I only have the 1 child!). I can understand the 'nagging' getting up your back up a bit as I had a phase of this with a TA towards the end of last year (because I work very nearby they seemed to think I could drop what I was doing at a moments notice to deal with some imo, really trivial stuff.)

It really doesn't take long to have a quick look. We don't have message books but I have a quick rifle through DD's book bag while I'm emptying and wiping out her lunch box when she gets home - it takes 2 minutes.

TBH I mostly do it because if I missed something at school that she was expecting me to turn up for she'd be devastated - and as a working mum I don't always see the notices in the playground as I don't pick up/drop off every day.

At the end of the day, you might not give a crap, but your daughter will if it affects her school life.

Sirzy · 05/10/2011 10:26

I'm with the others yabu. You should be pleased the school are making the effort to communicate but for it to work well for your daughter that communication needs to be two way.

cestlavielife · 05/10/2011 10:27

YABU yes.

read it and sign it or write something simple eg
dd had calm evening etc

my ds's book had sections to tick did he sleep well yes/not
toiletting ok yes/no /comments
did s/he eat as normal yes/no/comments

anything else - comments -

even if you just write
DD watched cbeebies"
or DD ate chips - it also gives them something to chat about with her at school

get in a habit of writing something in it in the evening before you go to bed then put in her bag

RnB · 05/10/2011 10:35

YABU. DS1 is in and ASC unit and I read his book every day. It takes er... 10 seconds! 30 seconds at most. And if I need to reply, maybe 1 minute. You can spare that time.

You do seem to have a bad attitude tbh, and the school must be extremely frustrated.

lostinwales · 05/10/2011 10:39

I understand where you are coming from with this, I have had a very similar morning routine to yours until this term

DS1 (ASD) started 'big school' this term though and organisation has been one of our main concerns so I have had to pull my parenting socks up big time to support him. We sit together every evening and do homework and then check his contact book before organising his bag for the next day. We then put out all his clothes (he likes them in the order he puts them on!), this has rubbed off onto the other children who are still in primary so we sit together at the same time and listen to reading/check contact book and initial. I feel so much more in control of everything, in the morning everything is organised so we don't forget stuff/miss things. I always used to let DS2 just read to himself as he is quite a good reader but I have noticed, and school has noticed, a huge improvement in his work now we read together. God I sound smug and 'holier than thou' don't I sorry. I'm like an ex smoker in my zeal for a new way of life, but give it a go, have an hour every evening after school where you sit together and make it a routine, then you can show the annoying teacher who's boss!

DamselInDisarray · 05/10/2011 10:43

When did it become ok for schools to set homework tasks for the parents too? It always amazes me how willing people are to submit to pointless rules and tasks, or to imagine that the school have some kind of 'authority' over them.

I have better things to do than write little notes to DS1's teachers or comment on his personal reading. He's in year 7 now. Why is any of this necessary? I resented the commenting on reading nonsense when he was much younger, but I'm completely past the point of caring. They know he's done his homework because he's brought it in. If there's an actual problem, then they can send a letter home and I'll respond accordingly. I do check his bag for crumpled up letters and stuff. I only ever initial any of this crap because DS1 wants the personal points so he can get a certificate.

I don't actually care if anyone thinks I'm being unreasonable on this either. For the purposes of full disclosure, I think school uniform is a load of bollocks too and most homework is time-wasting filler designed to passify other parents rather than for any educational benefit.

DamselInDisarray · 05/10/2011 10:45

I'd complain to the head if a teacher shouted at me told me off.

Maybe write back with: I do read this. I am under no obligation to provide you with proof of it. Please stop treating me like I'm a child in your class. Thanks.

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