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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to not give a crap about my dd message book

109 replies

spookshowangellovesit · 05/10/2011 09:49

my dd is at a AS unit they are fab, mostly. except for this one teacher i just dont seem to gel with. i have to admit that i am a pretty horribly disorganised person off the bat the type that will run round first thing in the morning with a half made pack lunch in one hand whilst trying to put on one childs jumper, comb anothers hair and get dressed all at the same time. (this was this morning)
my dd has a message book her teachers write in ever day it is mostly dd had a good day, was star of the week, dd was late today etc occasionally it will have instructions like need pack lunch or has school trip. i read it about once a week some times more when i remember too.i think that other parents perhaps write back in it or what ever but as it is mostly just what the child did that day i dont see it as all that necessary. the one teacher in particular takes real offence to this and went so far as to call me up over it and demand to know if i ever read my dd message book. i replied yes and she then said that she didnt think i did. and that it had important information in it and i needed to pay attention to it.
after this i tried to pay more attention to it, there were a couple of incidences of her shouting at me over my daughters shoes and trousers which actually made me lose my temper with her and since then she has been better, but today i open the bloody message book and there it is again... can you please read the information in here as it is important and may contain forms and things.
????? aibu am i over reacting, reading it back i think i might be actually.

OP posts:

StrandedBear · 05/10/2011 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stealthsquiggle · 05/10/2011 11:43

Incidentally, since DS has moved up in the school and communication is entirely via the child (with occasional emails), I really miss the book, and so does DS who hates surprises and short notice on things (sports matches, mostly). Not only does the home-school book tell me what is going on, but it's a permanent record so that if when I forget (for example) what time a concert/parents thing is, I know it is in the home-school book somewhere.

Sevenfold · 05/10/2011 11:45

uabvu
some people rely on these books. I know I do, as dd can't talk,
you are lucky thay are so good at writing in it

Original poster

spookshowangellovesit · 05/10/2011 12:15

thanks for answers, the book was new when she started junior school so to be honest i just didnt know we were supposed to do any thing with it, if someone had just said to me can you just read it and initial it to let us know you have i probably would have done. i read it like i said when i did but to be fair in the beginning did miss letters and things that were in it.
my dd does not suffer from lack of interest re me making a stegosaurus with her the other night but yes when it come to a note in a book every day that says dd had good day today we did art. i'm not sure i really saw the point. but that is also because my dd is progressing really well so i dont find it a useful tool.
that is not to say that everyone wouldnt though.
i suppose if her homework is done and her reading is done everything else seems a bit moot to me.
i will start to initial the messages, thanks for that think it will make us all happier. i am not trying to frustrate anybody but i think it could have been dealt with better by both parties tbh i really didnt realise it was a big deal.
in regards to my organisation its terminal i am afraid, i make small struggles forward but on the whole i am and ever will be the type of woman that leaves everything to the last minute.

OP posts:

ElaineReese · 05/10/2011 12:21

better get used to teachers finding you rather frustrating, then! .

I get that you didn't realise you were meant to engage with the book in this way, but now you do, and it sounds as though you do plan to do so - so all's good, hmm?

5inthebed · 05/10/2011 12:25

I find it quite sad that you don't give a crap about it.

DS2 went to an ASD based ursery and I found the home diary invaluable as he was non verbal. He got the bus there and back so no chance to talk to teachers and I like to know how his day has went. Even now in MS I get a home diary from his TA as, although verbal, he does not speak about school.

Maybe try giving a crap, it's a short message in a book, not war and peace.

Sidge · 05/10/2011 12:29

YABU.

If they make the effort to write in it to keep you informed and up to date, then the least you can do is read it and acknowledge their effort. Even if you just initial it so they can see you've read it.

Reading it once a week isn't enough really. You should read it daily, it will only take a minute and then you'll know what's going on with school. It may help you be more organised as well.

Original poster

spookshowangellovesit · 05/10/2011 12:32

yep elaine i prob did get all shocked and indignant thinking about it, when i got the ranty phone call instead of a nice can you just let us know you have read the book, which made them think well we have asked her to sort it and made me all whats the big deal.
i think the damage is done to the relationship with this particular teacher is terminal though which is a shame because i get on pretty well with all the others.
oh well i only ever really have contact with her through the damn book any way which will now be a lot more frequently joy.

OP posts:

youarekidding · 05/10/2011 12:32

I work in special ed school and we use home/school books. (most pupils are non verbal).

As long as the forms are removed and signed, photos sent home are taken out we take that as the parents having read it. We are a bit when we've sent home photos of a child achieving something and written about it to find the photos still there - that does indicate the book hasn't been read.
so YABU not to read it daily.

We don't expect a reply everyday, but do expect to be told if a pupil has had a bad morning/ evening, seizure or what ever as that may affect their schooling.
so YANBU not to reply daily. TBH X ate her dinner, played went to bed isn't really 'vital' information iyswim!

All we ask is that on a Monday morning there's a note about 'weekend news' as this does help the planned literacy lesson on a Monday morning!

betterwhenthesunshines · 05/10/2011 12:38

YABU, and I think you know you were being defensive because the teacher had hit a raw nerve! in regards to my organisation its terminal i am afraid Any small bit of organisation helps, and will also help your child to see how some structure, a place where things live etc can make live easier. This is from someone who is by nature a complete muddle (but a work in progress!)

Just initialling the book is enough. But just think, if you wrote an important message in to the teachers, would you be pi**ed off if they didn't read it, or reply?

stealthsquiggle · 05/10/2011 12:43

You are certainly not alone, OP - there is a child in DD's class whose mother loudly (she does everything loudly) looks at the book in the middle of everyone else trying to drop their DC off in a tiny lobby, saying "oh look, this has been there for days, I never saw that, far too busy...."

I notice she is not too busy to buttonhole staff from the main school who are only trying to drop their own DC off to talk for hours about her older child and how some member of staff or other is being mean to him though

This woman annoys me - can you tell ? She even answered DD's party invitation with what amounted to "if we don't have anything better to do"

Xenia · 05/10/2011 13:20

We gave a homework book which is also used for messages which the parents sign every night.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 05/10/2011 13:33

I hope you don't mind me saying this, it's sympathetically meant, but sounds like, like me, you might be slightly attention deficit - very disorganised, find it hard to engage with this message book as others do/ in the expected way. I know I find it hard to remember/ squeeze in these sort of routine organisational things too. And if I did engage with what they'd written I'd end up writing an essay ( like here ! )
So, I agree with some of the more helpful suggestions, either initial it or tick it to show you've looked at it - don't feel you have to write in it too though (except on rare occasions if you really want to ) That way you won't feel overwhelmed or plagued by the thing but can keep everyone happy ?

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/10/2011 14:36

"in regards to my organisation its terminal i am afraid, i make small struggles forward but on the whole i am and ever will be the type of woman that leaves everything to the last minute."
You see, that's what I meant when I said being disorganised should not be seen as a badge of honour. You are content/resigned to see it as part of your personality, but it is also part of your behaviour. That's fine, as long as it doesn't impact on others. But it obviously has been impacting on others, because they are reacting to it. You say " i am not trying to frustrate anybody" - but you have to admit that that must be exactly what you are doing, to be getting this escalation of reaction from the school.

I'm honestly not trying to have a go at you here, but you are still coming across as very defensive, and thus a little dismissive of the needs of the school.

minimisschief · 05/10/2011 14:47

lol when did they start making message books? i will be finding about stuff like this next year i suppose, but what was wrong with the system my old schools used to have which was..

a letter home for anything important and parents evenings covered what was going on with your child.

imo yanbu, i fail to see what the point of this book is. Is this in primary school or higher?

KatAndKit · 05/10/2011 14:49

The message book is just for children with particular special needs that need better and more frequent communication between school and home. Parents evenings are not frequent enough to keep up to date with the individual needs and circumstances for a few children.
These books are not the norm and most children will not have one. If they do have one it is for a good reason.

duvetdayplease · 05/10/2011 15:01

I'm with minimischief, we get way too much back from school. The other thing that does my head in is using a 5 year old child as a delivery mechanism for important letters - why the f can't they use email?

Debs75 · 05/10/2011 15:18

Not everyone has access to email.

The message books are usually for sn children who may have trouble commun icating so can't say to teacher they are upset over something, the parent usually writes it down so teacher knows about the dc's moods.

I think it is good to teach the dc's some responsibility so a letter home is a good way. It doesn't work if parent is too busy/stressed to bother looking at it and it gets lost but most school childtren can manage a letter home

minimisschief · 05/10/2011 15:36

oh well that is different. if the book isa way for parents and teachers to communicate better with sn children then i would think that it would be in your best interest to read through it.

my ds just started a new nursery that should cater to his speech problems and the teacher made mention of a diary of some sort. is this the book?

OTheHugeWerewolef · 05/10/2011 15:40

YABU. Your teachers are trying to provide an education for your daughter, which includes communicating with you every day about how she is doing and what she needs. You should be pleased that they're making such an effort to keep you up to date, but you seem affronted by having to make an effort every day to read it, and outraged that someone could have dared to reproach you. Your attitude is very strange.

BluddyMoFo · 05/10/2011 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhinoKey · 05/10/2011 15:47

As someone who has fought until my head is ready to explode to get the teachers to write in DS's Home-school diary, YABVVVVU.

Dont you care how your DD gets on?

notso · 05/10/2011 15:52

When I worked in resourced Nursery we would go through the home diary entries as part of the session with the child. So it was always a bit sad when there was nothing to talk about.

Sounds like you have addressed the problem though.

RhinoKey · 05/10/2011 16:01

I actually like reading my DS's Diary. He cant tell me what he has done so its nice to know.

Original poster

spookshowangellovesit · 05/10/2011 17:17

i always regard the disorganisation as a case of strengths and weakness i have awful organisational skills and always have i used to feel really bad about this and let other people make me feel bad about this, it would come really easy to other people and i always had to struggle. if people comment on it now i mostly just shrug, its a bit of a if you dont like it thats fair enough, but thats me.
on the other hand i am great in a social environment (contrary to the experience with this teacher) can chat with anyone, have good creative skills etc you cant be good at every thing. i would rather just be happy.

OP posts:

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