A relative pinched my 14 month old baby on her face

[Snickers25]

My partners sister pinched our baby on the face, causing a bruise that lasted 10 days. I saw the aunt pinch my daughter just as I walked past the room. I assume my baby might have pinched her first (but that's no excuse as the aunt is 43 and my daughter is only 14 months old). My baby daughter screamed in pain and sobbed for several minutes afterwards. As soon as I saw it happen I scooped her up and removed her from the room but now I don't trust this woman with my kids. I have 3 Pre-schoolers and this aunt has moved in with us for 12-18 months!
I didn't say anything to the aunt at the time as I was too shocked and upset. I haven't mentioned it since & it was 2 months ago. I asked my partner to speak to the aunt (his sister) which he did & she seemed surprised about the deep blue bruise on baby's cheek. He apparently said that only we (parents) are to discipline the children.

My daughter also had a large cut on her top lip a few weeks before (obviously a fingernail cut from the aunt) which the aunt said was caused by baby's fingernail. She had only been with the aunt for an hour. It definitely wasn't from baby as it was too wide/thick to be from a baby's fingernail. I couldn't understand why she would lie about an accident. I wouldn't have been upset/angry about an accident! Why lie about it?

However, I don't trust her now & I sure as heck don't want my kids to have to live with her if something ever happened to me & my partner (that aunt is in our will as being guardian and I want that changed now).
Has anyone else had something similar happen? How did you handle it? Thanks for any advice.

OP, how are you doing? Now that the aunt is back, how are you managing on an on-going basis? Are you getting better sleep?

i'm glad to hear you have said to your husband that it is not working out. i hope you stick to your guns.

i do want to question one thing in your last post - My DP believes she pinched our baby daughter back, after she had pinched her first. My DP and I both agree that is absolutely NOT acceptable. If our daughter had pinched us, a simple "no" would have been enough. Our daughter is intelligent & sensitive enough to have understood that at 14 months old.
Surely, it has nothing to do with your daughter's sensitivity or intelligence? There aren't any conditions, with any child of that age, in which a physical response - 'pinching back' or anything else - would be appropriate, right? I don't mean to belabour the point, but I think a few posters have picked up on the sense that your DP might be a bit unclear or ambivalent about this. For example, his statement about 'disciplining' the kids. Is it possible that part of your dilemma is that you are worried that your DP will think you are over-reacting? Do you two agree between you about how serious this is?

I said it before, a bit flippantly maybe - but I am concerned about you, that you are living in circumstances where you don't seem quite comfortable speaking your mind in your own home, and where you seem not to feel empowered to make decisions.

I hope this situation eases for you soon, it sounds horrible for you.

x-post,

Snickers there are two things that leave me feeling worried now you have said a little more...

1. The Aunt's reaction to your DP having a word 'Did I?' Well, yes, she clearly did. She knew you'd seen. If this had been some misplaced discipline, surely she'd have said 'Yes, I did, because your DD pinched me first'. Instead she questioned what you had seen.

1. You daren't leave her alone with your children. Again, had you genuinely believed that this was misplaced discipline, and that she had taken on board what your DP said, then you wouldn't feel like this. you haven't mentioned any positive interaction between the Aunt and your DC. You clearly don't trust...which is completely understandable.

What you describe as depression, seems to me to be the stress of living in this horrific situation. It is not okay to have someone in your homethat you don't trust around your children. As far as your children are concerned, you need to trust your instincts, and DP needs to do the same. You owe this woman nothing, she came to help, and actually her presence is the opposite of helpful. She has a home to go to, I suggest DP gives her a deadline for leaving yours (mine would be tomorrow, but I can see DP might want to give her a week or so), and if he won't, then you must.

Thanks for getting back to us snickers pinching aside I would find it very hard to live with another person for that length of time, even having MIL for a couple of months was hard enough. I do believe that some are totally overreacting here, and you have to put things into perspective. I would not think that it was a SS offence. What your dd aunt did was wrong and hopefully now she has got the message that this is unacceptable, as there have been no other incidents since. If someone hasent got any experience around children, some do display misguided views on discipline, and yes smacking would come under it too. However I feel that she has to find somewhere else to live as its not doing you much good and causing you stress to have another person in the house.

Snickers I hope and prey for the best outcome for you and your family,if I came across as shouting I apologise, i wasnt.. I am sorry your in this situation and I wish you the best of luck my only advice would be to get her out of your home and away from all your children and tell her why.. don't be frightened.. It's yours and your families home and it should be a place of safeness and happiness.. You have taken pictures of the marks on your baby if she refuses to leave threaten her that you'll take it to the police.. God bless x

It does not sound much help having her about, and when you have to be alert to her all the time, its not going to help you one little bit. Yes she does sound quite blase about the pinching, not even remorseful or apologetic, that would be quite concerning. Really you do need to assert your authority, I had to when MIL was becoming a bit too familiar with our house.

I am still trying to get my mouth around 'qvestions'.

But seriously though, Getorf Pag and Hully, if I may unashamedly namecheck some of my homies for a moment (yeah, it's a quiche, so what, I don't give a fuck) may sound like they are taking the piss on a serious thread, but they are speaking more sense than the most of rest of you.

Apart from the cow fucking thing, obviously.

I cocked up the 'most of rest of you' didn't I? Meh.

but and kiss

I am very sorry shoni that that has happened to you - and can understsnd why such a thing would bring back horrible memories for you, I am sorry.

And apologies for taking the piss on this thread - it may come across that I am being a jerk but I just didn't think the hysetria was helping.

For any of the newbies who think 'what the fuuuuuck' MN is not normally like this lies

Ok thanks Jux. I've encouraged the aunt "to sleep in mornings as she's on holiday" so don't see her till about 10.30am. I've changed the coffee to decaf & said it's for me (not having caffeine) but that's not entirely true as I have several proper coffees before she gets up. She will drink the decaf, say she's still tired & go back to bed which is fine with me.
I put my daughter down for her morning nap, knowing she'll sleep an hour or two & this is when I can nip out (with my 2.5 year old) if I need to visit the post office or playground. I know my daughter is asleep, and will still be when I return home so she's not alone with the aunt. DP is usually home (sleeping off Nightshift). I won't have a shower in the morning until my daughter is asleep now. And I leave my 2.5 year old in my room (outside ensuite) with some toys so even he is NOT left alone with the aunt. I know it sounds extremely tiresome (yes it is) but while she still lives here, at least I know my kids are not alone with her. I don't let her take my 2.5 year old to the playground without me now. He's come back a couple of times with bumps & bruises but this is most likely just 2 year old playground antics. Even still, I make an excuse if she tries to take him out (make him a snack, promise a favourite TV programme, start playing with playdoh or similar). This seems to be working.
The aunt has a weight problem so I have been buying copious amounts of chocolate. I figure if she eats that all the time, puts on even more weight, she'll blame me & be happy to leave. Basically, it's not good for my emotional wellbeing having her here, so perhaps she'll feel the same. I've completely stopped cooking dinner for us. This week I've ordered Indian, pizza and Thai. I love takeaways so am happy about it but she's complaining (so that's working too).
The back-up & advice I've received from MN users has reassured me that I'm not being unreasonable for wanting her out. I was beginning to feel perhaps I was (being unreasonable) for being on high alert when she's around but I know now that I'm not.

Sorry but this is getting outrageous Your latest post re: take aways is pure madness.

Brdgrl, thank you for your post. When I initially told DP he was shocked about it too. The following day I asked him when he was going to speak to her & he rolled his eyes. At that point I became VERY angry with him and asked if HE thought it was acceptable. He said he did not. He replied that he was just extremely tired (from 5 nightshifts & hardly any sleep by day because the children are so noisy). If it had been him doing the pinching, I can honestly say I would have nearly killed him. He has smacked our sons (on the backside) in the past, which I do not agree with and we always argue about that if/when he does. I don't smack the children (they spend time on naughty step if need be). They are not mischievous, simply boisterous a lot of the time. Our daughter has bitten her brothers & I have made it VERY clear to them, DP & SIL that no-one is to bite anyone. I have said if the baby bites, we say "no" and walk away. That has worked perfectly & she rarely bites now.

I don't think snickers is planning on living on takeaways for the rest of her life. It just sounds like a rather PA way of getting the aunt to bugger off. If she's moaning already, it's working. If that's going to get her to leave voluntarily, then what the hell, it's working.

Could be a good cunning plan.

Bloody hell just ask her to go and find somewhere else to live, you have about a year and a half of this madness

I'm afraid I lost it at the point MNHQ mentioned The SS.

Personally I think youshould talk to the aunt and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she so much as sneezes on your children you will throw her out immediately. Stop the Chinese whispers via your DP and deal with it yourself.

And change your will.

Curiousmama. No, not madness. What mean to say is that I have given up helping her to have a nice cosy life here at my house, being cooked for by me, while I worry myself sick over her behaviour towards my children. I hate cooking anyway, so I am sure as hell NOT going out of my way to cook her dinner anymore. I am on "SIL-having-a-holiday-on-me" strike.

Ok, this is giving me a headache now. You won't leave your children alone with her in case she hurts them, and you reckon the best course of action is to buy her chocolate, takeaways and decaf so she can laze in bed and get fatter in the hope that she'll get fed up and leave? Have I got that right?

Oh my fucking God. MNHQ did actually have to come on this thread and confirm that about the SS.

Madness. Utter madness. This place has gone bonkers.

It is madness, tiptoeing around her and by providing her with nice take a aways and chocolate, your helping her to feel comfortable and stay

But what happens if your dd wakes up early from her morning nap and you're at the park?

Yes soupdragon and pigletmania I will be speaking to her directly ( with DP ). Unfortunately he's away until the weekend then on 6 nights. After reading all the advice on here, I think it's best to have DP listen & contribute if he needs to. If he feels it's going over old ground, I'll be telling him I haven't said what I need to say to her yet.

Am LOVING the take away plan

OMG Are you actually for real OP?Takeaways, decaf, get a backbone and a grip .