A relative pinched my 14 month old baby on her face

[Snickers25]

My partners sister pinched our baby on the face, causing a bruise that lasted 10 days. I saw the aunt pinch my daughter just as I walked past the room. I assume my baby might have pinched her first (but that's no excuse as the aunt is 43 and my daughter is only 14 months old). My baby daughter screamed in pain and sobbed for several minutes afterwards. As soon as I saw it happen I scooped her up and removed her from the room but now I don't trust this woman with my kids. I have 3 Pre-schoolers and this aunt has moved in with us for 12-18 months!
I didn't say anything to the aunt at the time as I was too shocked and upset. I haven't mentioned it since & it was 2 months ago. I asked my partner to speak to the aunt (his sister) which he did & she seemed surprised about the deep blue bruise on baby's cheek. He apparently said that only we (parents) are to discipline the children.

My daughter also had a large cut on her top lip a few weeks before (obviously a fingernail cut from the aunt) which the aunt said was caused by baby's fingernail. She had only been with the aunt for an hour. It definitely wasn't from baby as it was too wide/thick to be from a baby's fingernail. I couldn't understand why she would lie about an accident. I wouldn't have been upset/angry about an accident! Why lie about it?

However, I don't trust her now & I sure as heck don't want my kids to have to live with her if something ever happened to me & my partner (that aunt is in our will as being guardian and I want that changed now).
Has anyone else had something similar happen? How did you handle it? Thanks for any advice.

Freakendblue. I have NEVER said the pinch was held for 30 seconds. The deep blue bruise came up on my daughters cheek WITHIN 30 SECONDS of the pinch. There were red marks either side of the blue bruise. When I heard my daughter cry out in pain I looked down the hall into the lounge. The aunt had her back to the door of the lounge, with my daughter on her lap (facing her) and was sitting on our sofa. She was pinching my daughters left cheek between her thumb & the side of her index (first) finger. It took me less than 5 seconds to get into the room and take daughter off her. For the whole 5 seconds (which felt like eternity to me), while I was rushing towards her, she held the pinch & I could see the look of shock & pain on my daughters face. The aunt was looking straight at her, judging her reaction. At no time did my daughter STOP crying. I immediately took her upstairs (she was due for a sleep) but she clung hold of me sobbing. I stayed upstairs with her for several minutes, then woke DP up (from sleeping off Nightshift, to tell him what his sister had done). I did not say anything to the aunt at the time it happened because I was in complete & utter shock & disbelief that it had happened, that she had done that to a baby. To my baby. To my loving, trusting, happy little baby who is so small, fragile & vulnerable. There has been someone on here saying I "stood there watching it happen". That was NOT the case. I did not hesitate for a second when I saw what happened. When I heard my daughter cry out, I knew she was in pain and it wasn't a cry I had heard before (of course I have heard her cry when she's hurt herself before, but this was something different).
The cut lip happened on 22nd July and the pinch on her face happened about a week or so later. Then the aunt left on a 3 week holiday to the Carribean and only returned from her holiday last Thursday. I feel it is important to clarify these details.

Oh. Are the smilies not on offer anymore?

Fair dos OP I aplogise if I got that bit wrong. Thanks for clearing that up, makes more sense. Please be careful when quoting people as you accused me of saying i was gbh when infact it was fabby.

Tell her to fuck right off. Doesn't matter when it was.

Not for you pag.

Oh be careful turkey this lot won't like emotion.

I agree with you though.

Snickers, seriously now, what do you actually want to do? You are clearly worried sick, but there is no point going over and over it in your mind.

Would you want her to leave? Do you feel able to sit down and discuss it with her and explain how upset you feel?

It's not going to help you or your children if you just worry about it.

I didn't mean on offer to me. I meant as in bogof.

So snickers - what are you going to do? Even though you think I am being unsupportive I really don't mean to be, I am just in shock and really want you to get this aunt away from your poor little baby. You need to do this. Answer the question - can you do this?

bogoff appropriate.

I preferred the 'hen' further up the thread. So quaint, so colloquial.

Op. Several have asked about whether you are discussing this with your dh. Does he know how strongly you feel, that she needs to leave?

So, snickers, have you reached any conclusions about what type of help you need, or what in particular you need advice on? From here, it looks like you to develop the ability to assert yourself.

This aunt, however domineering she may be (I have the impression she is very domineering and sure of herself) is still in YOUR home. You are the host. What would make you feel entitled to tell her to leave?

What is there to think about? Tell her to leave. it would be a big song and dance if it was me but hey you could do it gently (while inside seething). Its not working out bladebla.

The more you describe it the more worried I feel for you and your children. What on earth is the matter with this mad woman to pinch so hard and watch her reaction?! The woman is dangerous - please please remove her

I'm sorry for all the (!!!!)
I didn't know it would bother you so much but I'll stop if it makes you both feel better?
And as a couple we both like our own different things on tv,as a couple we both watch what each other likes even if the other doesn't like it..but I don't know why this is so important for you to know??
I don't care what you both think of me being upset or deeply sickened or teary about a child being abused it does not matter who's child it is or were the child is,, the fact is I care and do feel for the kids it happens to, being an abused child myself I know how it feels and I feel so sorry for them, it does bring me to tears and I'm not in any way ashamed to say that!

No would disagree with that Shoni, honest. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Shoni, when I was pregnant, I used to sit on the train and cry over stories in the newspapers. There's nothing wrong at all with that.

But all the hysteria on this thread is doing the OP no good at all. She needs sensible advice, not a bunch of headless chickens running about screeching 'danger, danger'.

Also Shoni, it's the trouble with the tinternet, things written down look different to how they sound, don't they?

No one would disagree with your upset.

Snickers, I am absolutely delighted you've come back! I typed my last post, without seeing your most recent post, simply in the hope you might come back, and think about the questions.

That is completely understandable Shoni.
The exclamation marks just make it look like you are shouting all the time.

I do get it. I said ^ up thread, I was abused all through my childhood, from my very first memory until about 13.
I understand the desire to want these things to stop. But people have complicated lives and just shouting at someone what they should do seldom gives them the strength to sort things out.
If someone had spoken to my mother the things that have been posted on here she would have felt more helpless.

It also makes the snide "oh well you and your cronies know nothing. Get into the real world comments even more fucking stupid distasteful.

Good grief. Haven't been on MN for a while really now, this reminds me why. I'm off for a and a couple of . Dont know what to think, hope it's not true for obvious reasons, hope it isn't a wind up (ditto), hope the OP sorts it, hope some of the bonkers posters have a nice sit down and relax before they explode. Nothing constructive I can say as lots of v good advice, with which I concur, given alongside the slanging matches.

Footnote: although I'm sure someone will comment on the missing apostrophe above.

In the 2 months since your precious dd sustained the last injury, have you at least changed your will, or torn it up, instructed your solicitor that it is null and void etc?

Regardless of the status of your relationship with your DP, whether you're married or not, you can make your own Will using a form obtainable from most stationers (W H Smith etc) and give it to a trusted friend/relative for safekeeping - a later Will properly signed and witnessed will supersede any you made earlier.

Have you spoken of your concerns to your DP? Regardless of the fact that she is a risk to your dc, why is it necessary for his sister to stay in your home for such a lengthy period?

Have you confronted her since she's returned from holiday? Is she encouraging you not to beieve the evidence of your own eyes?

I trust you realise that while this woman is in your home, you cannot leave any of your dc unattended for one second.

As a temporary measure, until you've kicked the child-abusing bitch's arse out of your home, I suggest you inform your DP's sister that should your dc sustain any injury that you suspect she has caused, you will call the police - and mean it, and do it.

Freakendblue, I'm sorry I mixed you up with FabbyChic who said this was GBH. Yes I agree it was actual bodily harm, not grevious bodily harm.
In answer to your questions, yes I want my old life back (of not having to watch over my shoulder worrying whether my children are ok) and know that she needs to leave. When my DP spoke to her about the incident the following day (he couldnt that evening as he was working nightshifts) he started by saying I "was very upset that she had pinched our daughters cheek & left a bruise". He told me she said "oh? Did I? Ok"
That answer in itself makes me angry. My DP believes she pinched our baby daughter back, after she had pinched her first. My DP and I both agree that is absolutely NOT acceptable. If our daughter had pinched us, a simple "no" would have been enough. Our daughter is intelligent & sensitive enough to have understood that at 14 months old. My DP assures me the aunt loves our children (they are her only nieces & nephews) but that as she hasn't had children, doesn't fully understand that physical (corporal punishment) is not the way it's done these days. She has been around her friends' children over the years but never for the day-to-day stuff. My DP told me he made it very clear to her that she must not treat any of the children in that manner. I haven't seen any other sinister behaviour prior to this, nor after it.

My DP has assured me that he will suggest she needs to "find her own place to live and just visit us from time to time if it's not working out having her here". I have told him it's not working out. I know it is upsetting for him as he's extremely close to his sister but I cannot live like this.

Several people have asked how she came to be living with us. She was made redundant a few months ago,rented her house out & decided to come and live with us for 12-18 months "to be a real aunt". As we have no other family here, we were happy to accept some genuine help. Our 2 sons seem to like her & are unafraid of her. My eldest (4.5 years) has saud she us always nice to him. However, I have taken note of what a MN post said on this thread, that sometimes only ONE child is targeted by an abuser. I can assure everyone on here that between now & when she leaves, if I see or hear something untoward, I won't be silenced by shock & I won't be simply whisking my daughter off to collect my thoughts. By this I am NOT saying I'm giving her a second chance to hurt my daughter a third time.

I truly hope that none of you ever witness someone hurting your child (I hope that no-one ever DOES hurt your children!) but please pause to think for a moment. There is a BIG difference between hearing someone's story (such as mine, here) and having TIME to think how you would react & what you would say AND between seeing something you never thought you'd see (and were therefore not prepared with a reaction FOR).