I just am really at my wit's end!
I posted a little bit ago about my son's constant arguing. I just hate it, my mom and brother had a terrible relationship and I don't want things to be like that; I don't want the kind of tension I grew up with in my home. And DS is only 4! And I work with children who have behavior issues! I feel like I should be able to handle things better. 
DS came home from preschool and was eating his lunch. (I was home from work because of a migraine :( ) He finished his lunch and I asked him to throw his sandwich crusts into the dog's bowl.
He refused "because I'll get my hands dirty!" (There was applesauce on the crusts, he's a messy eater :) ) I said well then you can wash them.
He refused again. I said "do what I asked you please." He started hopping up and down and screeching. I said "go upstairs until you're ready to do what I asked."
He ran up the stairs and stopped to yell down "I want my license!" (He has one of DH's old driver's licenses that he likes to play with.) I said that he could have it after he had put his plate away like I'd asked.
He ran downstairs screeching and tried to grab it anyway. I told him no firmly and said I would take it away. He picked it up and glared at me, I took it away and said he couldn't have it.
He grabbed his plate and went to dump it out into the dog's bowl. I told him to pick the crusts up with his fingers but he didn't want to; he dumped the whole plate over and got applesauce all over his foot. Cue screaming.
Sigh...I almost feel like I should namechange for this, it sounds so stupid when I write it down. But it is really hard because I feel like he's always in trouble for something, and I hate that! And when I've to ignore most behavior he slides more into outright defiance, etc.
Ugh! AIBU to just want to hide under a blanket all day? It;s not that I think things like this are terribly out of the ordinary, it's just that there are so many incidents every day and it's really wearing.
As far as the dirty-hands things goes, I'm beginning to think that he may be more sensitive than some to things like that. DH hates anything dirty or slimy on his hands and washed them constantly, and I think DS may have some of that too. He doesn't mind actual dirt and is okay with fingerpaint, but other slimy/sticky things he doesn't like. So in the future I will help him or tell him to use his spoon to fling them off or something.
But the whole refusal to do things, the arguing, the backtalk...it just feels constant and it's really hard. And on top of that DH is gone on a business trip for three days. Ugh.
Help!