to ask my nanny to sleep in the lounge?

[LaLaLaLayla]

OK, a bit of background... we live in the gulf where there are no childminders or after-school care. School finishes at 1.30 pm. In situations where both parents have to work, the only viable option is to employ live-in help.

So, we are employing a girl from the Philipinnes and she arrives in the next week or so. We are currently living in a 2 bedroom apartment but plan to move to a small 3-bedroomed house within the next few months. We have a 6 year DS who has his own room. So, we don't have enough bedrooms for her to have her own room at the moment. It is only temporary, but still, I want her to be comfortable.

These are our options...

1. We could rent her a studio apartment somewhere, but public transport is limited and she doesn't drive.

1. We could turf our son out of his bedroom and put him in with us so she could have his room. I am reluctant to do this, as I can imagine there being a few problems when it is time to move him back into his own room.

1. She could sleep on some kind of put-you-up bed in the lounge and we would make it a rule to vacate the lounge by 10 pm every evening, say. She could use one of the cupboards in my DS room to keep her things. She would also have her own bathroom.

Now, I much prefer the third option, but is is not ideal as I think she needs her own space. So I was thinking of paying her 25% of her salary on top, as a kind of 'inconvenience payment'. This is about what we would have to pay for a studio flat anyway and I would rather give it to her. She is coming to work to support her family, so I imagine the extra cash would be handy.

But is it totally unreasonable to ask this of her? If I ask her, I know she will just give me the answer she thinks I want to hear. I would really welcome some views on this, as I don't know what to do.

Thanks.

Some expats who live in same country - one who lives very near you - have already posted here. They said get a serviced apartment or use childcare that can be hired by the hour.

How much are you paying her, then? And how does it stack up against a UK nanny?

LaLa I think it is pretty clear that you are basically a decent person. You know that these suggestions aren't appropriate and you know that your only real option is to move your son in with you or get her a studio.

What confuses me is why you keep asking for other suggestions and offering some that obviously deranged strangers have given to you?

That's it really, isn't it?

Pissfaster I actually don't think it is fair to equate wages across countries. Situations are very different. What is important is that the helper is paid a reasonable, fair, living wage.

How much are you paying her, then? And how does it stack up against a UK nanny?

A helper isn't a nanny. They dont need or have any qualifications. They're more comparable to an au pair crossed with a cleaner.

The house move is taking longer than I thought. I was expecting to have moved by now. We are currently using by-the-hour childcare and were considering continuing with that until we move. We told the nanny that we needed to delay our start date and she was absolutely devastated. Not only does she need to support her family, but her daughter was due to start at university (she has probably started now, this was a few weeks ago). She would not be able to go if we delayed the job offer. As convenient as continuing with the current arrangement is, we just couldn't do that to her.

Pissfarter - not sure that's fair or relevant. This isn't a UK nanny and OP is not living in the UK.

She must have her own room and bathroom facilities.

Move your son in with you on a temporary basis, explain to him what's going on and if necessary give him a calendar with boxes to tick off until you move. He'll probably be quite excited about moving house anyway and new room etc.

How much are you paying her, then? And how does it stack up against a UK nanny?

Jesus, I don't even earn as much as your average UK nanny

And in the name of fuckery WHY won't you respond to suggestions about hourly hired childcare?

What Real said. You haven't explained why the options suggested over and over again by posters are not appropriate: particularly not the one favoured by most, i.e. moving your son. Is it that you are in the habit of tip-toeing around your son and not wanting to upset him, or does he have some form of SN which means an upset would cause long-lasting problems?

Er, read my post 6 posts down ?

Bats The helper needs to start now. It's not like these women can afford to take 2 month breaks between jobs. They usually support their entire family with their wages.

Option 2. Very unreasonable to not give someone their own privacy and space.

So she's not a girl then? She is in fact a mother with university aged children.

It's still cheap labour isn't it? Even if it's good for wherever you are.

I can't believe you ate putting a 6 year old before a working adult!

Pissfarterleech that is really irrelevant and a bit of a silly question. It isn't the UK. If we applied UK standards to all other market forces in the world, most of these girls would not have live-in jobs in the ME for westerners at all. Salaries for ex-pats are often lower, but the standard of living is higher. People who would never normally be able to afford help in the UK are able to afford help abroad, which creates a job. And they want to live in, even in conditions that to us, in the UK, would be deemed unacceptable.

I am not condoning cynical exploitation (quite rare among European expats I think) but it is just not realistic to use UK comparisons.

I have decided to move DS in with us for now. For all the criticisms, I genuinely thought that she might prefer the extra $$$, I know I would. But then again she's not me and I will never really know which she would prefer, so I guess I should assume she would prefer her privacy.

That is not what I'm saying. I'm saying the OP is already getting cheap labour so to then make her sleep in the living room is pretty offensive.
I'm not suggesting she gets paid a UK equivalent.

But LaLa, it isn't just about her - I think you would enjoy her to have more privacy as well!

If you were in the UK, this wouldn't be in question at all. Just because you are in a place where others exploit workers from other countries does not mean you have to follow suit. Morally you know what you should do, otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking. Do the right thing - have your DS in with you and give the nanny his room. If you need to delay her start, why don't you pay her a retainer so her daughter can go to uni as planned?

No, Piss but you do seem to be attacking the OP for having the temerity to utilise a situation where labour is comparitively cheap, and making her feel guilty about it. Believe me, the helpers of European and North American families have the life of Riley compared to those working families of other nationalities. she'd probably rather sleep on a bed of nails in an British household than work for a local in the ME.

It is about respect. How presumptious to assume that the hired help would prefer cash to dignity and respect.