To ask if any of you avoid taking your DCs to restaurants?

[YouDoTheMath]

I'm thinking of avoiding them until my toddler is older. She's really well behaved normally but the thought of taking her for a meal stresses me out. She doesn't seem to enjoy the experience and just kicks off.

I'm not one of those people who doesn't care what others think - it bothers me if I feel I'm spoiling things for others, so I end up either rushing through the meal or taking her home before it's even started.

Does it make sense to avoid such situations in future, or should I get her used to it?

We have always taken DS. We used to go to casual noisy places and those that serve you quickly when he was tiny - that way we could all relax! You just have to save the lovely adult restaurants for when you have a babysitter.

Favourites from age 2 to 7 were probably Wagamama, Yo Sushi, carluccios, zizzi pizza all are quick, noisy and child friendly in that they have so much going on kids usually sit and enjoy the experience. There were a few more we went to frequently.... Thai restaurants in pubs are also good and believe me I get very stressed at badly behaved kids in public, I always think its unfair on other diners. now aged 10 he will go everywhere, is impeccably behaved and its no stress at all. its definitely worth persevering

My two ( 6 & 8) are fine in reataurants now and hve been for quite af ew years. We stuck to Pizza Express or other very kid friendly style places to start with. Kids don't know it's 'kid friendly' and we made a big deal to them about behaving well. (In and out) It's a great place to practice. Don't let them fill up on drinks if you are intending to buy them a meal.

I would take her - it is a good learning experience. You can make it easier by ensuring that you have some food and drink for her with you (in case she has to wait a while and gets hungry/thirsty), also lots of distraction material: colouring books, crayons, book to look at, a puzzle, few small toys, one of those cardboard dressing dolls. Initially take a bag full of stuff, there will always be something that works. Once she understands the concept it will get much easier. Good luck.

I don't avoid it but do pick my times/places carefully and also when the children are in good moods - so wouldn't do it when they were tired.

Oh and I eat left-handed although am right handed but otherwise my manners are beautiful - have no idea why I do this as my mother tried to stop me but hey ho - had no idea it was the table manners crime of the century.

Going for a coffee is about our limit. DS is only 9mnths so in theory we could take him out for a meal, but DD is nearly 3 and while she will sit and eat quite happily, once she's finished her meal that's it, she wants to leave. Trouble is I'm probably still eating at this point as I've been feeding DS at the same time.

So we've given up on going out for meals as they're too nice and an expensive treat to rush. The only time it works is if we're in a group with grandparents and then one of us leaves our meal and goes for a wander with DD. Then the other parent takes over once their meal is finished so that the 1st parent can finish their meal. It's not relaxing and we'll only do this if we've all been invited to a birthday, or a one off occasion.
I may try one more time though as I hadn't thought of taking play dough etc with us. That could buy us a bit more time.

We have always loved going out for dinner at the drop of a hat and that has never changed since having DS. I keep paper and colours in his bag, and normally some little books and trains and he is very rarely a problem. He is 22 months.

Meals are always timed to suitable times for him (not tired, overly hungry etc) and he loves it!

no we don't avoid it, it's one of the thing we love to do together, out dd loves going to restaurants, but shes a very good eater and well behaved, mind you we started taking her to restaurants aged 6 weeks, so got used to it early

we also love going on holidays, and i truely cannot understand people who think restaurants and holidays are no fun with children and that you can't do it.
you simply have to teach them the right way to behave

we just expected ours to behave so they did, there was no other option, hate unruly kids in public. dont get me wrong, noisy in fun is fine but tantrums or bad behaviour not acceptable just wonder why parents allow.. have 4 dcs and wouldnt..

now a cm and have to say take my 4 a day baby/toddlers to eat out fairly regulaly and all behave. why wouldnt they???

chose somewhere other parents and children go
dont avoid,just chose familyish places.that are tolerant of wee folk
nowt too fancy

My DS has been coming to meals out at restaurants since he was a few months old. He's always been fine except for one hotel dinner, when he was nearly 3, and there was another table with a family with small DC on. He wouldn't sit still and behave (because they were allowed to wander around) and in the end DH took him back to the hotel room. I ate my dinner, then brought DS's back to the room with me (DH had already finished before he left, he eats fast). Since then, DS has been told that if he plays up again, we leave again - and he hasn't ever played up like that again.

I do usually take some crayons and paper to keep him occupied until the meal comes but he's pretty good - knows the drill. We've taken him to some relatively swanky places, ones where you wouldn't think children would be appreciated, but they've produced crayons for him themselves and afterwards said he can come back any time.

So if your DD has been going since she was tiny and is just now playing up, I'd say yes, it is a phase and just work through it - but be prepared to remove her from the scene if she plays up.

I should also mention that he was in a highchair until he was about 2.6; and if they didn't have a highchair available, then I would use his reins and secure him to the seat back so he didn't fall off the chair. THe restaurants often supplied a towel for him to sit on if he was too low down as well.

Italian restaurants are usually pretty good for taking little children if you don't want to go to the Harvester/café type places - they are more tolerant of small children, IME (and often have crayons and activity books for them too).

My dcs won't sit still and food is fairly low down their list of priorities ( behind exploring and chatting to other people at any rate). So if we do take them out, it will be somewhere outdoors, where there is space for them to roam about and chat to other children and where it is expected rather than frowned at.

It is expensive to take a family of four out for a meal- I can't see any reason to pay for a stressful parenting experiment!

Jesus, we just come back from holiday and DS1 was a very naughty boy in restaurants!!! He kept shouting DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY and suchlike. Mind, he is only 1!

I used to dread it with my first child. He was incapable of sitting still and keeping the noise down until he was school-age. He just had far too much energy and curiosity to be able to sit in one place and concentrate on eating a meal.

DC2 is much better - she is 3 yrs old and has always been capable of good table manners. Just a different child, really.

I would say: do what you can manage. Don't put yourself in situations that cause stress for you or your kids. Most children do eventually learn these things and you can practice good table manners at home. I genuinely don't believe they will turn out to be terrible, manner-less urchins just because they were unable to partake in lengthy restaurant lunches as toddlers Lots of young children just cannot sit at a table 'nicely' for the length of time it takes to eat a meal.

Once they are nursery-age - maybe 3 or 4 - I'd say you could start taking the for the odd cafe sandwich/drink and making a big deal of everything they do well . But don't stress about this. Different children 'socialise' at different times.

We have taken DD to restaurants since she was born, everything from Pizza Express through to Michelin-starred restaurants. We usually take her at lunchtime as she is less tired, we only do evening meals if they are unavoidable or we are on holiday. At the first sign of fractiousness we will take her out for a walk so that she doesn't disturb other diners. We have never had a major problem, she eats just about everything and understands that restaurants have a certain behaviour code.

Most of the restauranteurs who we have visited are absolutely delighted that a young child is being introduced to the world of fine dining and take a real pleasure in watching her exploration of the world of food, and she loves the attention.

yes, my experience is just like yours, worldgonecrazy. Mine have sat through five-hour degustations from age 4 (even one 7-hour - they ADORED it). Of course we always bring reading books, and you need to be aware that they won't just sit there while you gaze at one another. They need to be the focus. People have actually come up to us and congratulated us on their behaviour... Sorry, this will sound smug, but it's one of the only things we've done well!

Again here, we?ve been going out to restaurants from the beginning. We do try to stick to noisy/relaxed places and we tend to avoid very long meals too. I often let them play on the floor next to the table, they are kids, it is not fair to expect them to sit through an adult meal. We also engage with them and have a few toys.
They behave quite well I have to say!

we took ours from an early age. We started off giving our DD something to eat before we went first because she was too picky, then she would have some garlic bread, a few chips etc. They picked up the 'rules' quickly and even now are better behaved when we eat out than when we're at home!! I have a friend who avoided taking hers for years and when she eventually took them they behaved like they were allowed to home, leaving the table, loud chat etc so she was quite restricted where they went. There are only so many pizza hut / brewers fayre an adult can take :)

I love eating out, but there are some places I wouldn't take the kids. Not because they're ill behaved, but rather the atmosphere isn't one that's interesting or lively, these places are places I love going without kids. They're quieter.

Saying that I hate 'family pubs' because (and excuse me for judging) they're full of bloody imbeciles who think that because children are welcome they can take their parent hat off.

There's many places that are a fair middle ground. Our local pub has a vibrant atmosphere and children are welcome, the children like it, we like it and there's no issue at all.

We only ever have a main course though, and one of us will order whilst the rest of us walk/mooch around outside for a while. Although one Christmas we did spend an entire afternoon in the pub's restaurant, the children were brilliantly behaved, they had their electronic babysitter Leapsters... something I'd always been a bit sniffy about, but they do have their place!

just to add, it is a nightmare if other DC's are in the restaurant and allowed to run wild. Our conversation consists of 'why can they and I cant' Lots of praise for them is essential and when the waiters comment on their good behaviour they revel in it ;)

I enjoy going to restaurants with our 3 dcs, and happily do it on my own....but I agree you need to select your dining venues with care. Now ds is 6 and dd1 is 3.5, they really can go absolutely anywhere, and do, but dd2 is 15mo and I wouldn't go anywhere without a changing station/good attitude to babies/highchair. Although that still seems to include a surprising number of 'high' end places in London these days Not Ottolenghi though :( which has unisex loos, no high chairs, no changing station and a very approach to smelly nappies....

I am amused by those of you who used the threat of leaving a restuarant / going home / not being brought out to eat again as a threat to impose good resataurant behaviour.

DS's attitude to being taken out of a restaurant or cafe would have been delight and relief!

We started early, he wasn't interested in food for it's own sake, at home or out, we stopped wasting money and testing our good humour. Now he is older we could be that nice smug cosmopolitan famiy with a child who appreciates nice food and new flavours. But it's just down to the child. People have plenty to say about 'badly behaved' children in restaurants who run about, make noise, are 'pandered to' and all manner of criticism and negative language. Can you imagine if people referred to 'placid puddings' who are 'just happy to sit there stuffing their faces' for example? (that is NOT my opinion, by the way, but I do feel somewhat 'oh really?' about the people who congratulate themselves on children who do enjoy sitting down and eating food)

I think DD was the first time in a restaurant when she was just a couple of weeks old. We make sure we go early so the main lunch crowd hasn't arrived and always take books, pens and paper with us. We normally order a cold starter so she can get over the first pang of hunger.

Sometimes she gets a new magazine as a treat.

No running around is allowed but we sometimes get up with her to watch the pizza baker doing its thing or have a walk outside if it really takes long.

We had a couple of family celebrations which meant a large number of people, a 4-course-menu and DD behaved impeccable. As long as you are prepared it is great.

My kids really do "enjoy sitting down and eating food" in a restaurant - because we've worked bloody hard to make it happen! They do not sit like placid puddings , they are fully immersed in the eating out experience and always have been.

We have taken them out from an early age - involved them in conversation and choosing from the menu etc. We've instilled the sit down and be polite and quieter than at home thing. Other people are enjoying themselves and don't need to listen to whinging, shouting, bickering etc.

We also saw an unfortunate child who had chocolate pudding - so,so,so luckily COLD - splatted all over them since they ran at below tray level into a waitress coming from the kitchen - the kids know what could happen if they run around, they never did and are now 2 wonderful young ladies of 9 and 10 who have garnered many compliments from other diners for the 7 and 8 years they have eaten out.