To ask if any of you avoid taking your DCs to restaurants?

[YouDoTheMath]

I'm thinking of avoiding them until my toddler is older. She's really well behaved normally but the thought of taking her for a meal stresses me out. She doesn't seem to enjoy the experience and just kicks off.

I'm not one of those people who doesn't care what others think - it bothers me if I feel I'm spoiling things for others, so I end up either rushing through the meal or taking her home before it's even started.

Does it make sense to avoid such situations in future, or should I get her used to it?

We avoided restaurants for a while with our two when they were smal because ds really did find it very difficult to stay still and dd was incredibly fussy so it was a hassle all round. When they were a bit older we brought packs of cards/DS for them to play and it was all quite enjoyable. Now they eat adult sized portions we avoid restaurants because it's so bloody expensive!

I think it is probably a mixture of setting expectations and the nature of your children. I wouldn't say that we 'trained' our children, just that they reached a point where they enjoyed trying new food more and when sitting still wasn't a trial.

I pick my restaurant - somewhere casual where I can pay as soon as food arrives in case ds kicks off too much, and where he will get food he likes (bread, essentially) fairly rapidly, and space to get down and play next to the table.

And max two courses! We've gone for pub lunches/sunday roasts and he's pretty good for two speedy courses but no longer.
And don't come up with the bright idea that having a meal will make me or ds aged just 3 less tired if we're already exhausted just after 6pm, like MrNC did yesterday. To be fair, he now regrets it as I hid in the loo and let him deal with the hellspawn until the food arrived...

Whereas if we'd gone earlier, ds would have been fine.
I started by going to cafeterias and sushi conveyor belt places so ds could see the food (no nasty surprises), but any friendly place that will provide quick bread or noodle product is fine now. Usually.

If we want to go somewhere smarter we get a babysitter or more adults to take it in turns entertaining the kids, but his manners are age-appropriate and the local noodle/sushi joint think the kids are great.

With ds we used to avoid evening meals as he was a nightmare but was fine at lunch. Dd has always been fab, but I found food courts or cafe's easier with ds until he got better at evenings and meals out.

Yep, just don't bother till she's at least three and probably four. Much easier, and cheaper, really it is!

Depends where we are dining. If it's a child friendly place we'll go armed with supplies but we have taken a break from more formal dining whilst DD is going through her independent toddler stage. We'll re-introduce this style of dining in a year or two. We also did this with DS, who is now older, and he has a great table manner and enjoys being involved with the adult conversations (he also takes a book for when he isn't interested in talking).

Basically children can be trained to dine properly but it isn't worth the stress for yourself to do it during the toddler years. I am sure they will grow up knowing how to eat out, which they can be taught from the ages of 3+ when things can be a little less hectic for you all.

Have always taken DD. Mostly she's fine but went through a screaming stage earlier this year and I threatened not to take her again (she's 3). But she does love her roast dinner restaurants (read carvery or the like) so she's usually happy to behave and often shows up her older cousins who really have no idea hoe to behave when out.

YANBU to avoid it just now, but don't avoid it forever, just a couple of months.

Chose your place carefully.

Take her favourite (small and quiet) toys, a favourite book, some colouring books and stickers.

Take raisins/rice cakes

Ask for dc's food to come with your starters, or don't have starters yourselves.

Involve your dd in your conversation.

They do need to learn how to behave in restaurants, it's not something that will come naturally.

OP is she used to sitting up round the table for a formal-ish dinner at home? Like a family Sunday dinner or something? If yes, then I think you can go for it and follow lots of the good advice already given about taking things to do etc.

If not, then perhaps some trial runs at home getting her to sit nicely through a family meal or two?

Are you being unreasonable about what?

If it stresses you out to much and you then don't enjoy your meal out, then I can understand why you would avoid it.

However, personally I have never avoided it. We have taken DD to all types of cafes and restaurants from her being a baby. She is now 9y. She's eaten out at least once or twice most weeks of her life I would say and she loves it. We have always had quite strict rules regarding the level of noise and type of behaviour we will accept, regardless of the type of restaurant we are in - stay sat down, no running about, etc. And any squealing, screaming or shouting and she went out with one of us to cool down. But tbh it has never really been an issue fortunuately and we;ve always enjoyed it as a family activity together.

I have taken mine since birth (they are 7yo and 14months) but although ds is now old enough to go to a proper restaurant (though i would still take something to amuse him if it was going to be long), dd is not so we stick to family places where we know we'll get the food quickly and we go lunchtime/early evening and don't spin it out. We also take toys for her and one of us will take her for a walk about while we're waiting. We often go out for family occassions (with grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, cousins etc) though we stick to the same kind of places as they appeal to both the children and the elderly. None of us has a home big enough to do a sit down meal for everyone so we have to go out if we want one. Plus it means we all pay for ourselves so no one person is stuck with the bill.

I do think it is important that they are used to eating out because otherwise they would miss out on a lot of wider family interaction, and ds has had quite bad food issues (though has improved dramatically) and eating out and making it more about the social event than the food is good for helping with that.

However it will be several years before I take dd to a proper restaurant, for now we'll practice with the family ones.

We have the exact same approach as hulababy. It's usually a fun affair. Except when there are other toddlers with us as they often get too over excited when they're all together and I always feel I can't enforce my own rules on other people's children, e.g. no running or climbing on tables.

We only avoid due to food intolerances but we do have a list of family favs that are a mix of Italian restaurants, cafe style places and I go prepared with toys etc.. to keep our youngest amused.

If we are going in an evening we go early evening because I am not taking tired kids into a restaurant. That is asking for trouble with my kids.

Food is food to a toddler, and nobody can possibly expect them to appreciate or enjoy the experience as something special. They will behave in a restaurant exactly how they behave at home, so if you insist on good behaviour and manners at mealtimes when you are at home, then there is no reason why they should play up when eating anywhere else really.

Yes, we do have family meals at the table - not as often as I'd like due to DH work / toddler bedtimes, and we've taken her to restaurants since the start so I'm hoping it's just a phase. What didn't help today was that the restaurant didn't have a highchair for her (all were being used) although I had booked the table for "four adults and a toddler". However I accept that I should have spelt it out to them that we needed an highchair! Will know better next time.

I've always taken mine to 'restaurants'. Only places like Zizzi's, Cafe Rouge or Wagamama's - nothing posh.

My parents never took me and my DSIS to restaurants as they said we wouldn't behave, they never gave us the chance .

Mine are only 4.10 and 3 but they are so good in restaurants I sometimes take them out on my own (and we go out every month with family), their behaviour is much better when we eat out. At home DD has been known to climb on the table and they both throw food. She hurled a plate across the room today .

We have taken all of ours out for dinner (at friends and in restaurants) since they were little and they are fine. I think that its good way for them to learn what we call "going out manners" as opposed to "home manners". That is, they know not to start eating until everyone is served when we are out, but at home it is definitely "get stuck in when it hits the table". That sort of thing.

But, I do agree that a low stress cafe would be a good place to start if you are a bit worried.

When ours were small we always preferred lunch rather than dinner as somehow less formal, two courses and if possible eat outside.

Oh, the most important thing - make sure the restaurant is in France!

YouDoTheMath

Never ever rely on restaurant highchairs! There have been occasions when we have booked them they have been given to someone else or at one memorable wedding (for various reasons, this was just one) there was shit smeared all over the seat. A child had had an accident, thats fair enough, it happens. But the seat had just been put away and left. They offered me a damp cloth to clean it that frankly looked dirtier than the shit covered seat. We didnt eat much that day!

Get yourself a booster that you can keep in the car or a handbag highchair at a push, booster are better imo but not always practical to lug around.

Agree with Gnome about France!

If it's important to you, start low and work up. Giraffe type places where no one bats an eyelid if they go feral. Try to replicate their normal meal times too - we always end up eating at odd times if we are out and I was slow to realise that this was probably the problem.

Thing is, that if you go and your child does kick off you will feel mortified because obviously If You Had Brought Her Up Properly This Would Not Be Happening. Also it is not very relaxing when someone flatly refuses to eat food you've paid for.

I came to the conclusion it really was not a barrel of laughs at the time.

I should add, in the interests of fairness, that the Inferiorettes are now eight and 10 and perfectly capable of behaving well in a restaurant or suchlike. In fact we went out for lunch today.

We avoided nice places with DD1 because she couldn't handle it. She'd get bored and frustrated after awhile so we've left several places before eating or halfway through our meal. After age 4 she was fine. No such thing with DD2 and she's been out fine dining since birth! It depends totally on the child. No point getting stressed out, if you think it won't go well I'd delay it.

We do . . .because we love eating out and have always taken the viewpoint that DD needs to fit in with us, rather than the other way around. Obviously we save fancy places for when we have a babysitter but we often have lunch out with DD at places like Cafe Rouge, Pizza Express and lots of pub lunches. Someone takes her outside if she's really bored/ being a pain but generally she's been pretty good (fingers crossed it continues, she's only 18 months!)

It is slightly hard work but I find a large helps!

Restaurants, well probably. DS is mostly pretty good when eating in F&B's or Ikea, but the second you go somewhere expensive where you actually want to enjoy your meal it's pretty likely he'll kick off.

He's fine with big family things though, thankfully.

Depends on the child :)