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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if any of you avoid taking your DCs to restaurants?

177 replies

YouDoTheMath · 02/10/2011 18:31

I'm thinking of avoiding them until my toddler is older. She's really well behaved normally but the thought of taking her for a meal stresses me out. She doesn't seem to enjoy the experience and just kicks off.

I'm not one of those people who doesn't care what others think - it bothers me if I feel I'm spoiling things for others, so I end up either rushing through the meal or taking her home before it's even started.

Does it make sense to avoid such situations in future, or should I get her used to it?

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 02/10/2011 20:47

Sorry Countess but DD needs to fit in with us, rather than the other way around did make me smile! She may well be like that always, and I hope she is, but ............... good luck with that :o

uphillbothways · 02/10/2011 20:47

I think you can. Start with cafes and set ground rules, but really there's no reason you can't take them to family friendly restaurants like Giraffe. Make sure you take some books or other sitting-down-nicely entertainment. Also, if you book for 6 or 6:30 there won't be many romantic dates around to ruin

melika · 02/10/2011 20:49

I have never worried about taking DCs to restaurants, take lots of books, crayons, things to make them happy. They are now 16 and 12 and behave perfectly in restaurants. Go for it. If it don't work out, you go home, simple.

reallytired · 02/10/2011 20:51

I have always taken my children to restaurents. I think its important that they learn what is expected of them in a restaurant. Generally I have picked child friendly places and taken them at lunch time.

My nine year old has excellent behaviour in a restaurent and its even enjoyable. His behaviour has been excellent since the age of about three. DD who is two years old is more work, but it is not impossible. She is still learning and needs a lot of attention. She is fine provided she is not being ignored. I suspect that is true of most children. Even adults don't like being ignored.

It important children are over tired. Also children need to be somewhere where they are welcome. On the continent people take their children out for meals a lot more than this country. I think children generally live up to expectations. If you expect your child to act like a brat then they will act like a brat.

WashingLion · 02/10/2011 20:56

I have taken mine from being very young babies. Pick somewhere child friendly (family-run Italian restaurants - the noisier the better!) give them something you know they like to eat and a yummy pud. I also have a handbag full of toys/books. Prepare to spend some time in the loo. The earlier you do this, the easier it will be. I think it is good for kids to be apart of normal life that isn't necessarily child centred (and you don't have to clean up the mess!)

TheCountessOlenska · 02/10/2011 20:57

Bogeyface - yes, just heard how that sounded!! I was just referring to meals out, not the rest of our lives. Believe me, we're at soft play centres and centre parcs with the best of them!

Bogeyface · 02/10/2011 20:59

Thats a relief Countess! I was rather worried that you were in for a bit of a shock :o

sfxmum · 02/10/2011 21:03

I have been taking mine since she was a baby, both to family friendly chains and to small family run restaurants and pubs, it is mostly about expectations and not panicking
relax enjoy and be prepared, they learn, just don't go when they are tired and starving and expect exemplary behaviour
next step High Tea at Fortnum&Mason expect it will be full of tourists and old aunts but since it was a gift we will go for it

naturalbaby · 02/10/2011 21:08

i consider it part of my job to teach my children about eating out at restaurants! we go to the more family friendly chains anyway but always try and plan then order as quickly as possible, have a few stickers/pencils to entertain them for a bit then they have another round of food when our main course arrives, then we bribe them with ice cream.

we had dinner in a family pub/restaurant last night with a 3yr old, 2yr old, 8month old (me and dh) and had a lovely night, dragging them all out just as the older 2 started roaming around looking for buttons to press and the baby started getting fed up of being strapped in.

LingDiLong · 02/10/2011 21:21

Well, my 4 and 6 year old have impeccable 'restaurant manners' despite me not going near a restaurant when the 4 year old was a difficult toddler and baby. He grew into them when he was able, as I knew he would. My parents were skint when we grew up so we never ate out but somehow I manage to sit at a restaurant table and behave myself without any problems.

We always eat properly round a table at home and, obviously, I've taught them good table manners. But eating out is very different, there's a hell of a lot of hanging around and waiting. Not something very young children are adept at.

2rebecca · 02/10/2011 23:15

When mine were toddlers I'd only take them to restaurants with play areas, either outdoor if lunchtime pub or indoor if poor weather. Trying to make kids sit and eat nicely for a long meal is miserable for everyone. Sometimes we had to do it if on holiday, but I would never do it for fun. They did eat all meals at home at the table though, with no getting down until finished and if possible we ate together so they weren't too bad in restaurants, it just wasn't a pleasant experience.

echt · 02/10/2011 23:17

DD's childminder would often take her and the other mindees to greasy spoons, by public transport.

This was from 7 months until she was 2+4months, long before we started taking her out. We have her to thank.

She's always been perfect in restaurants, though we always took paper and crayons in the early days.

weekendblue · 02/10/2011 23:20

big fat YES.

skybluepearl · 02/10/2011 23:47

i would go down the cafe route to get her used to things but understand you have a family meal coming up. Can you make sure she has had a sleep before hand and that you have a few small new toys that will be new to her (I used to take a range of things- a tiny tub of play doh, some tiny funny magnetic stones, half size felt tips, a lightweight book)

skybluepearl · 02/10/2011 23:48

also make sure she is hungry and ready to eat

NonnoMum · 02/10/2011 23:53

Only if it was a restaurant with very very speedy service.

Otherwise they get a bit bored by the fish course...

Whatmeworry · 02/10/2011 23:58

I think after about 3 y/o you are OK (2 y/o very unpredictable) so long as (i) they have food the kids will eat, (ii) they don't take ages to serve it (iii) its a relatively short time they are there and (iv) they can move around a bit.

Welcome to McDonalds :)

startail · 02/10/2011 23:58

Yes, DH, DD1 (13) and I had a lovely meal out last night while DD2 (10) was at a sleepover.
Not because DD2 is badly behaved, infact she's somewhat less dippy than her sister.
The trouble is that she's a rather fussy eater and Nado's is about as interesting as she'll go.

lesley33 · 02/10/2011 23:58

I agree with you OP - other people shouldn't have their meal ruined by our DCs. You need to get your DC eating at the table with you as a family - although I know this might only be possible at weekends. If she can sit through a meal at home and be fine, then try taking her in places. Although I would start small e.g. lunchtime snack that you can easily abandon if it becomes difficult.

I took my DC's to restaurants from3-4 year olds. Waiters/waitresses love young well behaved children and they would often get positive attention and compliments.

Cathycomehome · 03/10/2011 00:20

I think it all depends. My son is eleven, so way too grown up to misbehave in a restaurant. But lots of my friends have small children (We are all about 33/4), and my best friend has 3 daughters under the age of 6. Lovely girls, lovely mum - terrible behaviour in restaurant! (By English standards. Her daughters are half Italian and live in Italy, where it is more acceptable for children to roam around, shout and "play up").

TheBride · 03/10/2011 00:30

DS is 12mo (so prob younger than you're thinking about, OP). We used to take him when we could engineer nap times so that he'd be asleep for half the time we were in the restaurant and he was immobile. Now he just doesn't want to sit down for more than the 10 mins it take him to eat, so I'm just taking a break from it as it's too stressful, especially as where we live commercial space is at a premium so restaurants tend to be very crowded (not much space between tables to facilitate a wandering toddler). I'm a "6.30 bedtime" kind of mum, so we just go in the evenings and have consigned those long Sunday lunches with a couple of bloody Marys and the papers to history [sobs]

sunnydelight · 03/10/2011 00:31

I've taken my three from babies, they have even been expected to sit through 5 course French family meals and aquited themselves admirably as it was expected (with suitable toys/colouring books/bowls of olives and snacks produced within seconds of them sitting down etc.) BUT I do remember with each of them there being probably a six month window around toddlerhood when it just wasn't worth it. Don't give up though (which I think is what a lot of people do), it will get better again. Italian restaurants are your friend

Magrathea · 03/10/2011 04:32

One good thing to try to get them started is a Sunday breakfast. A lot of hotels with breakfast buffets will let non residents book a table for breakfast and they often serve later on a Sunday. The buffet style means they can have instant food gratification and usually find something they like but they are still in a restaurant setting and can learn how to behave accordingly. Also breakfast is a bit less formal than a lunch or evening meal so people will put up with a bit more noise etc. Its also a bit cheaper than a lunch or an evening meal.

sleepywombat · 03/10/2011 04:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 03/10/2011 05:14

We do and we don't...!

DS is 2.8 and DD is 14MO so both right at an age where dining out with them is going to be pretty much anything other than actually enjoyable.

We do still do it - cafes for a coffee, fluffy and a muffin, say. Or brunch on a Sunday where it's a pretty quick turn-around. Neither of them are at an age where they can properly be reasoned with, so I agree with those who are more of a mind to wait until they're at an age where they can reasonably be expected to understand instructions and follow them.

Eating out is meant to be enjoyable (for us, our DC and our fellow-diners) so we'd rather forego it in the main, wait a bit and then introduce the concept when everyone's likely to get more out of it. Sure, you'll sometimes see teens out behaving really badly, but that's more than likely obnoxious teen behaviour, or simply that they were never properly taught how to behave at any age.

I'd rather teach ours how to behave properly when it's going to be less fraught for everyone. Sort of like waiting to potty-train when the child is receptive and ready.

As I say, we don't avoid it altogether - it's always been too integral a part of our lives to do otherwise - we just don't do it for the sake of it right now. The thought of people at other tables seething at us would ruin any enjoyment for me, but clearly there are loads and loads of parents out there who make themselves utterly oblivious to this.

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