to be fuming at sexist Christmas Presents?

[WomanlyWoman]

I attended my first PTA meeting the other night, during which I discovered that the pta have bought Christmas presents for every child in the school. Nice, right? Then I realised the presents were different according to gender, the older children get books, the younger ones such as my child, in reception, get crafty things from Yellow Moon. Great, except - the girls get flower presses, the boys get cars.

This has really p-ed me off bigtime. For one, my daughter likes cars, car was one of her first words, she adores Lightning McQueen and doesn't seem to realise that it's meant to be for boys. So what message does it give her about herself when she sees the boys getting cars while she gets a flower press? Admittedly she would probably like a flower press too, but that is not the point. What about nature loving boys? Why are these children being given the message that active dynamic machines are for boys and pretty, passive things like flowers are for girls? A nature theme for all of them or a transport theme for all of them would be fine by me, but this just seems so wrong.

I'm very shy by nature and I hardly know any of the other parents. The pta meeting itself was quite an ordeal for me, so I didn't speak up at the time. I thought it was pointless because the presents have already been bought. Why make myself unpopular, so soon, when it's already done and dusted.

Then I started thinking, it's only October, there may be time to send them back and order different ones if enough parents express an opinion similar to mine. Not sure how to go about it though. Opinions and advice appreciated.

BeerTricks. You can't give DC chocolate in school, you'll get all the parents moaning about that, too . I say just give up on having PTAs and let schools cope with just what the government give them. Don't ever buy anything for the DC for fun as that isn't what school's about. I really can't understand why people can't be gracious and say "thank you for the present".

dress them in pink and girls will become marginally worse at maths, it sounds crazy but there has been some very solid research which suggests it's true.

Yes, that does sound crazy. Take two yellow pills and see your GP monday morning.

It's also very sexist since it implies that pink only affects girls. I thought the whole point was that girls were NOT different?

not thinking enough?
maybe got more important things to think about.
I have DDs and a DS and gifts asked for and received over the years have included a train set for DD1 and a play kitchen for DS. All DCs have played with all toys equally regardless of their gender and get this, they have two different genders!!!
Any gifts selected and paid for by a 3rd party have been received politely and gratefully regardless of my feelings on the content.
I don't like the children receiving sweets and chocolate but the "best" ie most heart-wrenching, poignant,valuable gift they ever got was a small box of chocolates from a refugee family here who had only the clothes they stood up in having fled persecution. They scraped together the little they had to buy the children something I "disapproved" of but I wasn't fuming and I didn't project my feelings onto this thoughtful gesture.

Very very good post AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen

Well, what you can do is get your child to give the present to a child less fortunate. Perhaps take it to a Refuge and give it to a kid who's getting NOTHING.

Absolute wanky attitude.

The PA at my dd1s primary school get all the pupils a selection box at Christmas. Dd2 nursery school gives a book (the same one) to all the pupils. I don't like the idea of boy and girl presents - its unnecessary. Keep it and donate it back to the PTA for their next bazaar.

Jesus OP, just tell her to refuse the bloody thing . You are MASSIVELY over thinking a fairly insignificant event. Save your fury for the big stuff.

Onagar - if you are interested read the Cordelia Fine book I linked, it explains it all.

The point is that boys and girls are not born with significant differences between their brains but from birth they are conditioned to be different. So by the time they are school-age the stereotypes will be deeply rooted in their brains.

This is the sort of petty minded stuff that makes most people groan, because it makes what should be something simple into a whole Big Ishoo, and the year after people think "this is just too hard - lets just not do it"

And then everyone suffers.

ChippingIn - I love your suggestion that those who object should serve on the PTA for 12 months! They could then make positive suggestions as to what the PTA should spend the very hard-earned money on.

I really think that people just need to be gracious and teach their DC to say, "thank you" when they receive a present. If you don't like what the PTA are doing, then join up and change it.

During the 11 years that I served on the PTA (would have loved to stand down, but there weren't really hordes of people lining up to give up their free time to help) we only gave presents to KS1 at first, then we heard that children in KS2 would like a present, too, so that is what the PTA did. Have those who object to presents any idea how long it takes to buy and wrap over 360 presents? This is apart from, as I said above, finding somewhere that has 12 or so lots of 30 presents the same. It's a very difficult thing to do. We did try giving out all different presents, but that caused ructions so we stuck to the same thing for each gender for each year. A book each was out of our price range, plus when we did that one year the parents complained, too!

www.utexas.edu/news/2005/11/29/sociology/

www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/dec/16/play

Every bloody time, I forget to tick the link box!
Apologies.

www.utexas.edu/news/2005/11/29/sociology/

www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/dec/16/play

Next year, you volunteer to sort out the presents. Then you will realise that nothing is as simple as it seems - no matter what you chose you will end up with someone not being happy!

YANBU. It is sexist. Got the bingo cards, 'can't you find anything more important', blah blah blah. DP (a man) said 'gender stereotyping' and 'give the presents to the other gender and watch the sparks fly'. Why do people think this is OK in a school? What next - sports gear for the Black kids, shopping games for the Asians? Education is meant to expand horizons.

Absolutely agree with gremlindolphin.

great links DawnDonna!

So, BeerTricks, have you actually bought and wrapped presents for a whole primary school within a very school budget? If you have, then good. If you haven't, you should try it before making such a statement.

ElderberrySyrup but that claim if true would mean it was necessary for their own good to treat the genders differently since - rightly or wrongly - they were NOW different.

If it were true we'd need to make dressing girls in pink illegal and enforce it in order to improve their math skills.

So thank you for the link, but I think I'll pass.

small budget

no it wouldn't Onagar, because average differences between the genders are not the same as every member of one gender being different from every member of the other gender.

It's just as simple to buy a load of books cheaply

Hmmm - shame about the kids who can't read well.

See? nothing is simple.

It's all well and good linking to books about not enforcing gender stereotypes (FWIW, I've never gender stereotyped my DS. He has prams/dolls/pink clothes along with the cars and trains that HE chooses) If a child is being brought up at home to not conform to society's norm's re: gender, then a one-off token gift isn't going to bring the house of cards tumbling down, really.

On the grand scheme of things, a flower press isn't even that bad, is it? It's a craft gift. It's not like they're giving out Lap Dance Barbie or "How To Be A Good Little Housewife."

There's always someone who, if someone raises a valid complaint, will say "you do it next time!" What a convenient way of avoiding the point raised. I expect the OP contributes in whatever way she can already :)