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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming at sexist Christmas Presents?

475 replies

WomanlyWoman · 02/10/2011 15:40

I attended my first PTA meeting the other night, during which I discovered that the pta have bought Christmas presents for every child in the school. Nice, right? Then I realised the presents were different according to gender, the older children get books, the younger ones such as my child, in reception, get crafty things from Yellow Moon. Great, except - the girls get flower presses, the boys get cars.

This has really p-ed me off bigtime. For one, my daughter likes cars, car was one of her first words, she adores Lightning McQueen and doesn't seem to realise that it's meant to be for boys. So what message does it give her about herself when she sees the boys getting cars while she gets a flower press? Admittedly she would probably like a flower press too, but that is not the point. What about nature loving boys? Why are these children being given the message that active dynamic machines are for boys and pretty, passive things like flowers are for girls? A nature theme for all of them or a transport theme for all of them would be fine by me, but this just seems so wrong.

I'm very shy by nature and I hardly know any of the other parents. The pta meeting itself was quite an ordeal for me, so I didn't speak up at the time. I thought it was pointless because the presents have already been bought. Why make myself unpopular, so soon, when it's already done and dusted.

Then I started thinking, it's only October, there may be time to send them back and order different ones if enough parents express an opinion similar to mine. Not sure how to go about it though. Opinions and advice appreciated.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/10/2011 16:12

I get boys and girls toys for dd and she chooses what she wants to play with

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 02/10/2011 16:13

YAB an ungrateful madam.

Panzee · 02/10/2011 16:13

And to answer OP, YANBU. Gendered stuff annoys me too. A nice way of pointing it out could be to raise it next year in plenty of time, giving your daughter's bemusement as an example.

Laquitar · 02/10/2011 16:14

Em, ok.

Since you are too keen about giving the right messages to your dd and since you have been fuming, perhaps you should speak to them straight. Wink

Expressing your opinion - not on internet, in RL - is more feminist than playing with cars imo.

IloveJudgeJudy · 02/10/2011 16:14

See, this is the reason that people give up being on the PTA. I was on the PTA of the DC's primary school. We used to buy all the DC a present. So many people used to complain it really wasn't worth it. The DC liked it, but so many entitled parents would complain. They would usually be the ones who didn't support the PTA, but liked their DC to get all the extras that the money the PTA raised, provided.

onagar · 02/10/2011 16:15

Personally I wouldn't have gone for the flower press in any case, but I reckon the person who got stuck with the trip to the shop didn't have any DDs and just picked something about the same price as the cars.

What matters is that they will all get the pleasure of receiving a gift and it's not like it's their main xmas present. I expect the car will only last 5 minutes anyway. It's the thought that counts.

Laquitar · 02/10/2011 16:15

Ah snap Panzee Grin

eaglewings · 02/10/2011 16:18

ILoveJudgeJudy, while I may question your viewing habits I agree with your view on being a member of a PTA

kelly2000 · 02/10/2011 16:19

When you say the girls got a flower press and the boys got a car, do you mean the boys press was decorated with pictures of cars or they just got a toy car. It seems very odd to give girls craft presents, and boys a toy. Also what little girl wants a flower press? However, I really would not complain this year, and just get more involved next year. It will just cause upset and bad feeling and spoil somethign that was intended to be nice.

I think schools giving gifts liek this are a waste of money, the children will not really appreciate the gifts (a flower press, really). the money would be better spent buying something for the school, or being used to donate to charity for chirstmas -like each class sponsering a guidedog, that they can get updates on and go to see on a school trip etc.

PetiteRaleuse · 02/10/2011 16:35

Fuming? Really? YABU. No pleasing some people. So your kid gets one gender specific present. It's hardly going to turn her into a frilly princess.

You never know she might find a young boy who'll swap the flower press for the car. Maybe.

Allboxedin · 02/10/2011 16:43

I would just be grateful and encourage my child to be grateful for any gift, whether it be a car or a flower press. I'm sorry but I don't like it when little children turn their noses up at something they are given out of generosity. I remember at my last infant school party I was given a book of Bible stories - OMG just imagine a teacher sending that home nowdays!! I think I still have it somewhere!

wantadvice · 02/10/2011 16:44

YANBU. It sends out stupid messages. Very sad this type of stereotyping is happening in schools.

Allboxedin · 02/10/2011 16:47

Ilovejudgejudy, I don't blame you, why is no one ever satisfied nowdays with anything? No wonder there are so many spoilt little brats around!

BecauseImWorthIt · 02/10/2011 16:49

YANBU

I really don't get why all the children couldn't have been bought something that was the same for either sex - albeit that they would need to be age specific.

But it is a very kind and thoughtful thing to do, nevertheless, so please don't seem ungrateful when you register your views.

Because you are going to put forward your views, aren't you ... ?

LadyThumb · 02/10/2011 16:49

Best laugh I've had all day OP.

Some people want all children to be EXACTLY the same - so I am going to invent trirts (trouserskirts), and make all children have exactly the same haircut, and wear the same shoes, and they will not be allowed to know whether they are a boy or a girl until they are 16 !!!!

Allboxedin · 02/10/2011 16:53

I think 16 is too early lady, make it 18.

KatieMiddleton · 02/10/2011 16:53

YANBU. It's sexist and didn't need to be. There are plenty of unisex toys.

However, I understand your dilemma. The PTA, like any voluntary committee, can be a hotbed for overwrought emotions. Having a quiet word with the head of PTA and putting yourself forward to help are very good suggestions.

I get so annoyed when people bitch about things others have done with good intentions but aren't prepared to step up themselves. Throwing your hat in the ring avoids that nicely.

beachholiday · 02/10/2011 16:55

I get your point. You could get your dd the car toy and give it to her some time before christmas. They probably have santa coming to give the gifts out so you can then tell her "santa knew you have that already."

notabankersmum · 02/10/2011 17:00

YANBU.

I always found the idea of gendered toys a bit silly until FIL kicked up a huge fuss because DS wanted a little kitchen set thing for his birthday (he'd been given free choice of what to choose up to a certain amount of money and spent ages talking about what he could get, bless).

The attitude of "that's not for boys" really rankled me, and it's the first time I saw how effective giving gendered toys can be. In the end DS was told to pick something else, and I bought the kitchen set for him myself.

So OP, YANBU. It's subtle messages like this that I've seen can build up into a rather strong message, and they're so open to being influenced at that age... like sponges.. and especially in this case,it's so needlessly sexist to only give X category of gifts to girls and Y category of gifts to boys.

It's either someone like my FIL, or someone who just hasn't really thought of the message they're sending.

I'm not sure which is worse - the idea that it's a dinosaur like my FIL on the PTA or someone who's just generally pretty clueless?

tyler80 · 02/10/2011 17:02

I think it depends, are they presents that are opened in class or taken home and put under the tree?

The latter wouldn't bother me, the former would because my little one would want to know why she couldn't have a car just because she was a girl.

At age 4 I was told because I was female I had to be a fairy in the school play and not a tin soldier. Soon put them straight with that one Grin

pinkthechaffinch · 02/10/2011 17:14

YANBU

and why are the PTA spending funds on pressies anyway? I thought the whole point was to buy resources and stuff for the school.

It would get my goat too.

Slightly at a tangent, at ds' last school he used to come home with flyers in his book bag for 'Princess days' and 'Warrior days' run by some dotty local church. I don't know what the school were thinknig of encouraging such gendered shit.

mumeeee · 02/10/2011 17:14

YABU. It's free. When DD1 was 4 she loved cars but she also loved flowers. She would have been very pleased with a flower press.

projectbabyweight · 02/10/2011 17:17

Well I for one want all children to be EXACTLY the same - in the opportunities they get (see what I did there Grin)

Why the need to pigeonhole them?

picturelibrary · 02/10/2011 17:20

For goodness sake! Get a grip and worry about something worth worrying about.

No wonder it is hard to get people involved with PTA committees when they are coming up against views like the ones seen on this thread. The committee have given up their time to raise funds and order Christmas gifts in order to give the children a Christmas treat.

Our PTA orders gifts for the children every year from Yellow Moon as the school is also given a percentage - they try to get something different for the kids each time, but the catalogue doesn't vary much from year to year. Perhaps your PTA gave crafty presents last year and are doing something different this year.

I think YABVVU and ungrateful - not just about the present but about the time and effort the committee have put in.

Laquitar · 02/10/2011 17:20

notabankersmum, does your dh cook? I assume he does. Then your ds sees daily that a man cooks, washes, cleans. I think this is stronger influence than what toy Fil buys him one christmas.

Same with OP's dd. If OP shares the driving with her dh, both share chores etc. the lack of toy car wont hold dd of driving in the future.