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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be fuming at sexist Christmas Presents?

475 replies

WomanlyWoman · 02/10/2011 15:40

I attended my first PTA meeting the other night, during which I discovered that the pta have bought Christmas presents for every child in the school. Nice, right? Then I realised the presents were different according to gender, the older children get books, the younger ones such as my child, in reception, get crafty things from Yellow Moon. Great, except - the girls get flower presses, the boys get cars.

This has really p-ed me off bigtime. For one, my daughter likes cars, car was one of her first words, she adores Lightning McQueen and doesn't seem to realise that it's meant to be for boys. So what message does it give her about herself when she sees the boys getting cars while she gets a flower press? Admittedly she would probably like a flower press too, but that is not the point. What about nature loving boys? Why are these children being given the message that active dynamic machines are for boys and pretty, passive things like flowers are for girls? A nature theme for all of them or a transport theme for all of them would be fine by me, but this just seems so wrong.

I'm very shy by nature and I hardly know any of the other parents. The pta meeting itself was quite an ordeal for me, so I didn't speak up at the time. I thought it was pointless because the presents have already been bought. Why make myself unpopular, so soon, when it's already done and dusted.

Then I started thinking, it's only October, there may be time to send them back and order different ones if enough parents express an opinion similar to mine. Not sure how to go about it though. Opinions and advice appreciated.

OP posts:
HerdOfTinyElephants · 02/10/2011 18:15

Unless the PTA is sponsored by an eccentric millionaire it's not a "free gift", surely? The PTA have solicited money from the parents at the school, probably including the OP, and have used that money to buy the children heavily gendered presents. If I wanted to buy my child an inappropriate present I could do it myself rather than giving my money to the PTA so that they could spend it for me and give the present back.

And Yellow Moon do heaps of non-gendered things that would have been eminently suitable.

So YANBU to be a bit pissed off (unless the gifts really were funded by an eccentric millionaire).

I do have both daughters and son and I agree with OP that there isn't a huge amount of difference in what they like at such a young age.

KatieMiddleton · 02/10/2011 18:17

Teach her how lucky she is and that it's the thought that counts

I think the thought is the problem...

MrsBuntyCulDeSacWonder · 02/10/2011 18:17

The whole scrutinising of every gift and desire to have everyone's needs pandered to shows what an over indulged consumer society we live in, it's tiresome.
Instead of worrying about the PTA's gender stereotyping and your desire for your daughter to have more 'stuff' that meets your particular views, maybe you could encourage the PTA to raise awareness and funds for a charitable cause among the pupils instead of more plastic crap to consume?

Shutupanddrive · 02/10/2011 18:17

Yabu and ungrateful
Have a Biscuit

projectbabyweight · 02/10/2011 18:18

Yeah, maybe I should lighten up... sod equality and progress, I'm off to play with some Thanks

ElderberrySyrup · 02/10/2011 18:21

and if it was an eccentric millionaire perhaps you should find him and have a word.
Get him a copy of Cordelia Fine's 'Delusions of Gender' and show him the research that shows that the more you emphasise gender difference through 'harmless' things, the more children behave according to the stereotypes in other areas - so dress them in pink and girls will become marginally worse at maths, it sounds crazy but there has been some very solid research which suggests it's true.

MrsBuntyCulDeSacWonder · 02/10/2011 18:24

My son wears pink on occasion, and maths has never been his strong point. Now I know where I'm going wrong!

ElderberrySyrup · 02/10/2011 18:28

brilliant book

Iggi999 · 02/10/2011 18:28

I love the idea from a few posters that a belief in equality (human rights anyone?) is somehow a "particular belief/preference" of one set of parents, and something we should "pander" to at our peril!
There is a difference in how the op should teach her dd to respond to unwanted gifts (nicely etc) and how she should act as a PTA member, looking after the needs and rights of all the children.

cheesesarnie · 02/10/2011 18:29

its lovely that the school give each child a present.
you need to say thankyou and thats it.if she doesnt like it give it away or bin it or whatever.

out of interest what do you do if a relation gives her a present you you dont think she'll like.

this has got nothing to do with gendre this is justabout being ungrateful.

5BottlesOfShampoo · 02/10/2011 18:33

But this is a case of every child being lumped into a group because of their gender. To me, that's not acceptable.

Takver · 02/10/2011 18:42

Look at it this way, OP, your dd will be learning a useful lesson early. DD (now age 9) has long since learnt to ask (very nicely) if she can take from the 'boy's bucket' for lucky dips, or to ask for the 'boy' party bag Grin

It only takes a few 'lucky dips' of hairbands and pink plastic bracelets for them to realise that they're being conned . . .

Birdsgottafly · 02/10/2011 18:51

As someone who grew up in the 60's and 70's, i know that i have been held back because of gender stereotyping and discrimination.

Research shows that gender specific toys have a dramatic effect on how girls view themselves and their role. Gender roles are created in our society.

It shouldn't be happening in a place of education, it doesn't matter what gifts are given to a child by family, school has the opportunity to regain a balance and that is what they should be striving to do.

OP i would leave it, for this year. When plans are getting made for next year, put your view forward and involve the staff, as part of their job is to empower and raise self belief. That may happen in many people's houses, on here, but it won't be happening in every child's house and sexism shouldn't be being perpitrated from a state institution.

nooka · 02/10/2011 18:53

I'd be narked too. If there was an issue with too much variability, which I guess is possible, then why not give the same thing to all children in the same year. There is just no need to make it so different, and car vs craft item is very different, if the children are unwrapping them there and then then the boys will be paying immediately and the girls will not.

I guess it's a nice thing to do if there are children who won't be getting anything for Christmas, but to be honest I think the whole thing is a bit of a waste of money. Better to get something for the classroom surely?

As for pandering to beliefs, this who concept is pandering to the belief that there are two species, male:female which really doesn't benefit anyone and shoudl be actively broken down at school, not reinforced.

My dh is co-chair of the PTA equivalent here, I know it is a very area time and effort commitment, but that's not a reason to never question their decisions.

celadon · 02/10/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkthechaffinch · 02/10/2011 19:17

The OP says that the PTA plan to give books for the older children from Yellow Moon, I wonder if these are similarly 'genderised' (sorry, can't think of word I mean) too?

BeerTricksPotter · 02/10/2011 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maternelle · 02/10/2011 19:35

YANBU

AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen · 02/10/2011 19:52

I was going to start a thread about this article blaming mothers for sexist children and harrumph about mothers being to blame yet again for the ills of the world,

This thread has opened my eyes, though. The ones who need to get a grip are those of you who perpetuate this nonsense and think that it has no bearing on how you, your daughters, your sons, your other male relatives operate within society.

Those objecting are not over-thinking, Those of you who brush it off are not thinking enough.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2011 19:53

YANBU (My phone has just saved YANBU into its dictionary, showing you that this is the first time I have said this in the last 6 weeks).

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2011 19:54

And what aye just said.

V good post

RhinestoneCowgirl · 02/10/2011 19:58

YANBU it does matter. My DD is not yet 3 so hasn't really been exposed to the fairy princess thing at preschool so her favourite things are cars and trains. It saddens me when people make comments when they see her with a truck and ask 'where's your dolly'.

Add to that, many so-called 'girls' toys/presents tend to be shit compared to the 'boy' option...

Meteorite · 02/10/2011 20:00

YANBU. Even if it's free, it's still sexist. Shock at all the people who think it's fine because you didn't pay for it.

SuchProspects · 02/10/2011 20:05

YANBU - - Plus what Aye just said.

I don't know what the best thing to do about it is though. Maybe get a few other parents who are uncomfortable with this sort of stereotyping together and then approach the PTA about it with a suggestion about alternatives that wouldn't be so divisive. There are plenty of good unisex gifts out there.

ChippingIn · 02/10/2011 20:09

Those objecting are not over-thinking, Those of you who brush it off are not thinking enough

No - some of us just have bigger fish to fry than a £2 present from the PTA, which they aren't even going to get for 3 months amidst a lot of other presents.

If their home life models the beliefs you have as parents this will not make one jot of difference.

Anyone complaining should be made to be on the PTA for 12 months.

If something like this happens that bothers you, join the PTA or at the very least write to them for next year - there's really very little point in fuming over it and it's very churlish to fume over a present anyway.