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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of about DD not being invited to birthday party?

101 replies

BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 09:50

DD's birthday was last month (she turned 6), we invited all the girls in the class at DD's request and it was great, good time had by all.

One of the girls is having her bday party this weekend and has invited almost all the girls in the class, including DD's best friend, but not DD. Feel quite disappointed by this because I have always gone out of my way to be kind to her mother who was ill over the Summer, offering to look after her DC's if she needed a rest. Her DS and mine are friends too and they live in teh next road so we see each other daily.

AIBU to be pissed off by this?

OP posts:
justpissfartingaround · 01/10/2011 09:55

Yanbu. bad form if you ask me. Dosen't feel very nice does it?

cerealqueen · 01/10/2011 09:57

YANBU... but how does DD feel about it as you haven't mentioned if she is upset or what?

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 09:59

Well she seems more bemused than anything, doesn't really understand why. I feel terrible she has been left out and hope she doesn't take it to heart which she probably will...

OP posts:
CreamolaFoamless · 01/10/2011 10:00

have your daughter and the birthday girl perhaps fallen out?

Maybe your dd just isn't in her close circle of friends?

perhaps her mum can only afford to have best friends round for the party?

I'm sure (well hope) they arent doing it to make you or dd feel bad on purpose

aldiwhore · 01/10/2011 10:00

YANBU. Its unfair to leave only a few out. In our house its ALL (boys usually) or less than half of them so at least those who are left out are larger in number.

LynetteScavo · 01/10/2011 10:01

Buy a small present for the other child, and say you hope the birthday girl enjoys the party as you hand it over.

paddypoopants · 01/10/2011 10:01

YANBU that is horrible for both you and your dd. The other mother is being thoughtless and/or nasty.

Maryz · 01/10/2011 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 10:04

DD says they haven't fallen out, they aren't best friends but are friendly. The mum has invited most of the girls. I don't think they would be doing it to make DD feel bad on purpose but I feel they should have invited her as it obviously would make her feel bad.

Am really tempted to ask her on Monday if her DD had a good party

OP posts:
bluelaguna · 01/10/2011 10:04

Are you sure the invite hasn't got lost?

Last week a mum handed out invites to every child in DS's class apart from child. That child's invite was lost.

In your position, I would ask the mum. You know her and this seems really out of character. What do you have to lose? Seems actually she is the one with something to lose if you have been helping her out!

TheSecondComing · 01/10/2011 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 10:10

I could ask her if she sent one but it could be embarrasing if she says no!

OP posts:
CreamolaFoamless · 01/10/2011 10:11

bakerbinky if you feel strongly about it you could always phone the mum and say 'is it ok if dd comes along because she is feeling a wee bit left out' . You and the other mother are adults and know how kids feel .

there is no point though being pissed off ?

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 10:13

Well, if it's a house party and Mum has set a limit of, say 10 people, or even 20 including friends and relatives from outside school then thats that I'm afraid.

Just because you invite everyone, doesnt mean everyone else has to.

scarlettsmummy2 · 01/10/2011 10:13

I would ask her how the party went. I remember this happening to me at primary school and it was awful. I would never do that to a child now. Totally mean.

bluelaguna · 01/10/2011 10:14

TSC - totally disagree with you on that point.

Getting a grip - would mean letting someone treat you as though you are not their friend and letting them get away with it.

Consider a group of 6 adult females who are friends. If one has a birthday night out and invites all the others apart from one, would you suggest that the one person just sucks it up or would you suggest that they investigate the reason/find new friends?

OP says her DD is friends with the birthday child and also OP has helped the mum out whilst ill. Not to mention the fact that the birthday child went to the OP's DD's party recently. IMO the child should definitely have been invited and to let it go just gives a green light to the birthday child & mum to be mean/have bad manners.

I don't know why anyone would tolerate being used.

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 10:18

I would give her a call to check the invite hasn't been lost. I'd word it so that she doesn't feel put on the spot if there wasn't an invitation. It would be a shame for DD to miss out if it's just a lost invitation.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 01/10/2011 10:19

Do you actually know for certain all the girls are invited? I wouldn't give a gift, ask how it went or phone up begging for an invitation. People do parties in different ways, you'd be better off not dwelling on it, enjoy it if she is invited and don't give it a second thought if not.

Original poster
BakerBinky · 01/10/2011 10:20

I may send her a text so she won't feel so on the spot if DD wasn't invited, how should I word it though?!

OP posts:
CreamolaFoamless · 01/10/2011 10:23

@ scarlettsmummy2 do you not think though that , that may be why adults (I'm not referring to the op here) get upset when there children don't get invited because it reminds them of not getting an invite when they were young.

Not every parent can afford to cater for , nor want or handle the entire class for an afternoon.

If it's not the entire, which is isn't in the op's case the daughter has obviously chosen who she wants to be there for HER party .

Yes it's horrible if your child it's going but that's life ...you don't always invited

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 01/10/2011 10:25

You're going to put her on the spot though, Baker. She won't reply, you'll feel worse. Let it go!

scarlettsmummy2 · 01/10/2011 10:28

Probably- but I remember being in floods of tears, and I honestly can not imagine doing that to another small child.

I agree that it is different if it is less than half the girls going, but when its the majority going, then it isn't on. I also don't believe that it is really to do with cost- if you are that hard up you can have a party at home- how much extra is it really going to cost to feed an extra two or three??

CreamolaFoamless · 01/10/2011 10:33

you have three options

  1. do nothing , forget about it, go out with your dd and ds for the day
  1. text /call the mum and ask her outright is dd invited or what?
  1. text/call the mum and ask if she needs a hand with party and offer your assistance

If it was me though it'd just say bugger it and take the kids out and have fun with them whilst it's still sunny and forget about this party , there will be plenty more

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 01/10/2011 10:33

If the chIld participates in extra curricular activities then she will have other children she wants to invite. Perhaps she only had three or four from school.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 01/10/2011 10:35

Cremola, in 12 yrs of parties I've hosted, if anyone had actually done either 2 or 3 I would have to think they were a total loon!